Violation: Showing up VERY late for a multi-party, table reservation dinner

There’s another one that bites my ass, people that show up to movie theaters late. A lot of times, they are noisy too, which goes hand in hand with being stupid and ignorant enough to show up late to begin with.

I have to plead guilty to showing up to sporting events late. I have season tickets to the local baseball team, and there have been nights when I’ve shown up in the 4th, 5th even 6th inning.

That said, they are MY seats, I paid good damned money in the off-season for them, and I feel I can come and go as I please, and in my defense I ALWAYS wait until an at-bat is over to excuse myself so I can get to my seats so the other patrons game enjoyment is not interrupted. The game is going to start at 7:05 with or without my sorry ass, so I’m not annoying the 10,000 other fans.

What gets my goat is when I see hordes of people that show up in the bottom of the second with bases loaded and a 3-2 count and make everyone stand right in the middle of an at bat, and half the time they spend standing in the aisle, looking slack jawed with that stupid dopey look on their face at their tickets, trying to figure out where their seats are.

Part of that is to be blamed on the ushers. At Philadelphia Phillies games, you cant go back to your seat until the at bat is over, they wont let you.

:dubious:

According to your OP:

First it was a fancy schmancy place, now it’s a tacky Vegas casino? Which is it?

Yep. I had a bad feeling in my stomach about this gathering as it approached, and my misgivings were correct.

BTW, I have a question for everyone------were we obligated in any way to pay for Birthday Girl’s dinner, since she initiated the idea?

Going in, based on the reputation of it’s restauranter, I was expecting it to be “fancy shcmanzy”, classy, and from the outside, thats what it looks like.

Once I sat down and observed the decor, the carpeting, the hostess attire, I was disappointed to see that it seemed like the inside of the tacky casino it was in.

No place owned by a TV chef is fancy. TV chefs aren’t on TV because they’re amazing chefs, they’re on TV because they can read lines with personality. TV chef restaurants try to seem like fancy, high-end establishments but they are managed by the caliber of executive who’d be managing a theme park restaurant.

The reason the food wasn’t very good, cost too much, and the waitstaff probably seemed flustered and unaware of protocol, is because it was a Disney Land version of a fancy restaurant.

Going to a restaurant for a party is a bad deal in general unless it’s either very well below every person’s price range (dive bar) or the thrower has arranged to pay for everything.

When my vegan brother and his vegan wife came back into town for a baby shower, my overbearing mother decided the party must be at a local “all vegan” restaurant. Of course, of the 20 guests, only the two people were vegan, so 90% of the people were uncomfortable with the food. Most handled it well, in fact the mexican dishes were quite good, but then again since the restaurant was about 10 square feet, our table for 20 took up the whole dining area and was quite cramped.

Fortunately, though, overbearing mother put the whole thing on her credit card in advance, so at least people didn’t have to worry about the prices. Which was good, because a lot of the relatives would have scoffed at the $10 dirtburgers and would have just shared a few appetizers instead. Since the obligation of paying is removed, nobody’s got to be neurotic or waiting for a chance to escape before the next course or round of drinks.

Think of it like this, if you were having a birthday party at home, would you charge your guests to pay for their portion of the food? That’s socially forbidden. Inviting them to a fancy restaurant and having them pay is the same thing. The general idea of throwing a party is that you’re paying so everybody can have a good time.

I’d wager an evening at home with a bag of pretzels, a few delivered pizzas or a party sub, and a game of Scattegories would be a better time for all than spending 3 of 4 hours waiting and everybody having to pay for their own Mickey Mouse fine dining.

A real nice restaurant could do a fixed menu for an event like that. You, the host, pay X up front, everybody gets to choose between two or three entrees (which, between everybody, equals X), and then guests can pay for their own drinks. In fact, restaurants usually love doing that, because when guests aren’t paying for their own food they’re usually getting a lot more drinks than usual, and drinks make them more money than anything else.

In short, don’t do what the birthday girl in OP’s story did.

But these people didn’t cancel. If someone agrees to be in a given place at a given time, they should be there at that time. If they don’t want to be there, then either they need to have the bollocks to say so, or, since they did agree to do it… do it.
ETA: I think Birthday Girl was VERY rude to expect you to pay. Where I come from, “I invite” means “I pay for it.” OTOH, my mother charges us for going to have lunch at her house and my SiL has problems understanding why people refuse to go to her birthday when they celebrate it at a place that carries an entrance fee :stuck_out_tongue: (they’re both from out of town)

Of course, following proper etiquette and actually paying for events that I host makes me an ass.

FWIW, 12 quests at my last birthday party and 3 at the one before that. I must be getting more popular. Or, no, wait. I picked the size of the guest list for each event specifically to keep the parties within my budget at each of the restaurants I chose to celebrate in.

I should mention that nowhere was it ever discussed or implied that we were obligated to pay for Birthday Girl’s meal. What’s the right call?

No you’re not obligated to pay for her meal. She asked you all to come. Had you said you wanted to take her out for a birthday dinner you’d owe her one.

Since she did the inviting, she should have paid for yours. No, you had no obligation whatsoever to pay for hers as you did not offer to take her to dinner. You were the invited ‘guest who wasn’t.’

DanBlather is incorrect on this to the point of trollishness. **jacquilynne **and **nava **are absolutely right. And I am rather surprised people still pull/fall for this ploy of “celebrate my birthday by paying for my party” scam, especially at a high-priced place. Ugh. Did she expect gifts as well? If you brought one, I hope it was an etiquette book.

We have a tradition in my family that the person who invited the people out picks up the tab. If I invite you out, I pick it up. This works out well for us. YMMV, of course. We don’t usually do really big multi-couple dinners though, as we prefer to have those in homes–once you get more than a couple couples together in our circle, it turns into a long lingering thing anyway and we don’t like to take up a table more than a couple hours.

When it’s one of those things of “hey, we should all get together sometime” then it generally gets worked out via e-mail and everybody puts in their preferences and consensus is reached and then we all throw in and pay for ourselves. I really prefer separate checks though, as big a pain as that is for waitstaff, because some of my friends have differences in tipping styles and I don’t want to argue about it but I also don’t like seeing my tip not get passed along to the server.

I don’t think I would choose a time and place for my own birthday dinner and expect someone else to pay for my meal as well. It’s a bit sad, actually.
But I agree that the lateness was very rude. Perhaps your friends are playing passive-aggressive silly buggers. Was it a work day? 7 in a city where there’s lots of traffic doesn’t leave much time for a lot of people to get home, change, take a breather and get back out there, and sometimes what sounded like a good idea a couple weeks before is just exhausting at the end of a long day and long workweek.

High end restaurants are not like chain restaurants. They don’t expect to turn that table for the rest of the evening, which is why they seated you right away and didn’t act put out when the others arrived late. When you charge $155 for a meal, not feeling rushed is part of the price. It’s not at all unusual for a meal to last three or four hours in these type places. (That does nothing to address the rudeness toward the birthday girl of folks arriving late or to the restaurant staff by not ordering entrees. I’m just addressing the complaint that the event lasted 4 hours.)

I think perhaps 31 is a bit young to expect friends to have the type of disposable income where a couple could afford a $300 dinner. But the OPer is correct that the appropriate thing to do was to decline the invitation altogether.

I’m still a little amazed by people who are so into themselves that they think the world should stop and celebrate their birthday after the age of, oh, say, 12. I’d never expect my friends to spend $150 on a dinner just because my mother gave birth to me 43 years ago.

Birthday dinners suck at a restaurant, when it’s more than 6 people as nobody can speak to the others you want to at the dinner which is what you want to attend a party for anyway. Any large group for a party should be given at a venue where people can mingle and interact.

Here is something I’ve seen happening more and more. A couple gets married and has the wedding across the country at the honeymoon spot and they expect their closest relatives to attend something that will cost thousands of dollars then yell at and bully the relative that can’t afford it.

Are there any adults who give gifts on birthdays? Except for spouses/SOs, maybe siblings if they’re close, maybe very close friends, I’m not aware of birthday-gifting among adults. (I’ll often make a cake for a friend’s birthday, but I’m not sure that’s an actual gift as opposed to a nice gesture.)

Of course they should do what they agreed to do: my point is only that it’s very predictable that they didn’t–it’s a way to celebrate that always sounds good and always works out like this.

A couple years ago I gave a surprise birthday dinner for my husband at a sushi place and invited 3 other couples. When I called to invite them (assuring them it was all my treat), every single one asked “should I bring a gift?” I was sort of surprised that anyone would ask, but told them no, we’d like their presence, not their presents (what kind of a clod would have said “yes”?). Each couple brought a bottle of wine for my husband anyway, because they are all very sweet people. And we had a really great evening.

So, to answer your question, yes, adults still give gifts for birthdays.

I agree. Only once have I ever had a satisfying birthday dinner out – mine or someone else’s – and that was at a restaurant that only serves one table at a time (you’ve got to reserve the whole place, even if you’re only 10 people). Every other time it’s been spending money on a subpar meal (the worst is when there’s a set menu) and watching the overworked waiter glare from the kitchen. And really, I can’t blame them. Between late arrivals and low tippers, large groups just seem like no fun.

I say have an intimate dinner with your partner or 3-4 friends then go for drinks.

Where to start…

No way I’m waiting for douchebag irresponsible and inconsiderate friends who can’t make it at a reasonable time. Half hour late? Cool. Over an hour? Fuck you clown. Next time I’ll be sure not to invite you.

I’m ordering at the half-hour mark. Period.

My friends know I’m rather strapped at the moment, so such an evening would be completely out of the question.

But even socially challenged me is bright enough to say no when asked.

Showing up having already eaten? Unless you had dinner with Obama and/or the Queen of England, thanks for dissing the BD girl, jackass.

Finally, because one person wants dessert doesn’t mean I have to have it. I’m asking for my check, wishing the BD girl the best and making my exit.

Between the rudeness of inviting people to join you for a birthday dinner (which is common among my friends) and showing up and HOUR and FORTY minutes late, I think the latter far outstrips the former. If they didn’t want to go they could have used a handy english word that begins with “n”.

Hey, I object to that! Disney makes very good food. :smiley:

Seriosuly, I’ve been theses a few times, and eaten all over the place, and their restaurants are always excellent. The only one I’ve ever had an issue with was the inexpensive Mexican cafe at Epcot, and that was merely that the food was fairly bland. Disney even makes the best Tuna Salad sandwich I’ve ever had. At sit-down places, their service is excellent. At either walk-ups or sit-downs, the manager are the kind of people who can balance six different unstable teapots on thewir heads at once.

The best part is that while Disney has a reputation for high prices, they often really do deliver a good value for that price. Ok, that rambling sidebar is done.