Wife and I were occasionally invited by another couple to go to an expensive restaurant. They wanted to go because they had a coupon that essentially made their meals half price.
I was a little put-off when they didn’t offer to include us on the coupon, essentially making everyone’s meal 1/4 off. I’ve been in a situation where I had substantial coupon ($50 off meals as long as the bill was above $100) and I’ve invited people where I used the coupon to lower everyone’s bill. It didn’t cross my mind to take the $50 off my meal and stick the other party with a full price…especially since I invited them.
So…am I incorrect on this? Is it bad form to invite someone to an expensive restaurant because you have a substantial coupon and not share the coupon? BTW: after a couple of these occurrences from the couple, we polite decline.
It’s 100% bad form if (1) your purchase/payment was part of the condition of the coupon or (2) they didn’t tell you about the coupon in advance. If it’s “Buy 3 meals, get one free” and they take the one free for themselves, what the hell?
If it’s “buy one meal, get one free” and they would get the full value whether or not you came and they were upfront about it then it’s maybe ok. I would feel cheap doing so and would share the coupon with everyone, but some people feel it’s cheap to coupons at all in group settings, which seems crazy to me, but whatever.
Probably depends on wording of the invitation, as far as expectations on who’s paying. “Would you like to join us at Chez Snoot” is different from “We’d like to take you out to Chez Snoot.”
Some people regularly eat out and pay their own way, so an invitation on that basis is allowed if there’s a prior agreement. But it is definitely bad form not to share the coupon. It doesn’t matter who invited who, discounts should apply to everyone at the table.
I can only see this as acceptable if you already have an established dynamic of enjoying expensive meals, with or without discount, but they would never go on their own without discount; and you and they like to hang out together in whatever surroundings. If they then say. “We’re going to El Expensivo because we have a discount, we know you enjoy EE but our discount won’t cover you, would you like to join us?” I don’t see a problem.
Unless it has been discussed and cleared before hand in some way it’s about as bad taste as it gets, IMHO.
Reminds me of when my late aunt (mother’s sister) told me of the time she and her husband were invited to his brother and wife’s home for Chinese food. Clearly it was an invitation so they believed it was a treat. At the end of the evening and they were about to leave, the brother presented them with “their amount owing” for the Chinese food. My aunt said her husband and his brother had some “history” so they just paid up and chalked it up to that but they were needless to say, less than impressed.
I see a problem. It’s selfish, greedy behavior. The value of the discount can be split among everyone there, nothing is stopping them from doing that. If they couldn’t afford to eat at Chez Snooty otherwise then they have to go alone. They shouldn’t expect others to share their company when they can’t share the meal.
Not necessarily. If you invite someone, it’s perfectly reasonable to state the parameters of the invitation. For example, if I take my Dad and stepmum out to dinner, I make it clear that I’m paying for food and non-alcoholic drinks only. I can’t afford wine, which is where they get you. It generally means stepmum’s wine bill is almost as much as all 3 foods plus Dad’s and my diet cokes, but I still think it’s reasonable for me to put limits.
In the same way, the couple in the OP seem gauche, but if the situation is spelled out in advance, and the OP really does enjoy eating out, and would regularly do so at full price, I don’t see it’s too wrong. Doing it would be surprise would be bad, as would splitting the bill without discussing it beforehand. Unless discussed beforehand if you invite you pay the lot.
Sorry, but how do you guys figure that? Unless it’s a romantic date or a professional setting (which someone is expensing anyway), why would anyone not expect to pay their fair share of the meal? Like iif I invited you to get some steaks at Peter Luger, you’re going to sit there like an asshole when the bill comes, expecting me to pay for you?
I was always told to offer to pay for your share when the bill comes that way they can accept or decline on their own and no one can say " he could of at least offered ya know ?" even if they had fully intended to pay in the first place
Hmm, what if it’s a coupon or discount tied to the credit card? They’re not as popular these days but companies used to have programs where you’d get cash back by using the card at a restaurant. No one would know, not even the server. For me it would be depend on the amount back. If it’s $10 for each $200 spent, nah. If it’s more substantial then I’d round down what the other person owed me and tell them I’ve got the tip.
There’s a difference between inviting someone to join you for dinner and taking someone out to dinner.
In no world would I expect an invitation to join someone for a meal to be the same as an offer to pay my way.
As for the coupon thing, I dunno. A coupon that that halved the price of their meals is a big deal - it’s a lot of money. Why are you entitled to their money? What makes the coupon different from cash? What if you later learned that they paid for the meal with a small scratch-off winning? Are you entitled to a piece of that? What if they got an inheritance from a family member? What if they found fifty bucks on the street? In what circumstances should I expect that all or part of my meal will be covered by the good fortunes of my dining companions?
I assume you enjoy the food and the company (or else you wouldn’t have accepted the invitations in the first place), but you decline the invitations because they won’t pay for some of your meal? Is it that you can’t afford the night out, or are you generally opposed to paying your own way?
Standard etiquette used to be that whoever invited, paid. But that’s not done much anymore. Nowadays, people assume they’re paying their own way unless it’s otherwise pre-arranged. It’s always best to be clear up front just in case.