The sitter in this case may have been a) unobservant, b) tired or feeling ill and needing to sit down for a bit, or c) obnoxious and possibly hoping to provoke an incident. No way to know.
The smart thing was to ignore this transgression. No need to invoke misplaced guilt or recriminations.
I think the smart thing to do is to have chairs that people can sit on. Either the display chairs, or at least some nearby folding chairs. Attracting people to shady chairs at an outdoor event, and then forbidding their use seems like it’s just asking for trouble.
Asking to get credit can come across like the father who wants to be praised every time he changes a diaper.
And it reads to me like you ran away and left the woman among a group of people who were audibly commenting negatively on her. While that’s better than going over and yelling at her or yanking her out of the chair, it doesn’t seem to me to be a great response to the situation.
I’m also wondering why you didn’t want people to sit on the chairs – if I’m contemplating buying a chair, one of the reasons to go look at a display is exactly to sit on the chairs, in order to find out whether I find them comfortable. Plus which, appearently you were set up in the only or one of the few places that were in the shade, in a situation in which people were likely to want to rest and sit down for a few minutes? If you really didn’t want people to sit on the display chairs, I agree with those saying that you should have also provided some chairs people could sit on.
That’s my reading, too. Her sitting in a “do not sit” chair is a minor mistake (and as @thorny_locust points out, it raises the question of why you’re displaying chairs but forbidding folks to sit there). Folks nearby being shitty about it? That’s a bigger problem.
So I give you fifty points of Internet credit for not sneering at her, “Ma’am, we do not SIT in these chairs, can you not READ?” But I’m taking 100 points away for leaving a potential client in the care of a bunch of Karens.
You ask for thoughts. I’ll chime in with the direct, quiety, polite approach, “Hey, I’m sorry, I know the sign is blocked, but we’re trying to display our entire pergola set [or whatever], so we’re asking folks not to sit in these chairs.” Chances are real high that she’ll apologize and get up. If for any reason she doesn’t, figure out what to do–but again, chances are good that the right thing to do is to say, “Okay, have a good day!” and let it go.
“Well, if you are allowed than certainly I am as well” and sit next to her, offer a piece of candy.
Perfect!
My thought is that I couldn’t come up with a more textbook illustration of White fragility if I tried to make one up.
Ditto. <scratches head>
…“Please do not sit on the furniture” signs on the chairs we had as part of it (there are many reasons for this…
OP-
What are the “many” reasons? To you, they “do not appear” germane to the story. Why don’t you consider your audience and let us decide if the many reasons you allude to are germane to the story.
It’s the least you, as an OP, can do. Give your audience the full scenario. It may, or may not, affect what we would say or do in any given situation.
I have two examples of real-life situations very similar to yours. One was long ago, I could tell you how my uncle handled it. No problem there. The other one happened to me. That one had a totally different outcome. Suffice to say, the lady did not “**** me up!!!” like she threatened to, so at least there’s that.
I’d love to give more details, but I’m waiting for the reasons for the signs, to decide if my examples are worth posting.
SW
Well, if it needs to be spelled out, it’s obviously desirable to recognize one’s limitations and potential failings and ask for advice on how to act well and be a decent human being. But the OP does so with a “poor me” self-pitying tone, emphasizing how things are just so difficult for a White person. As though the principal problem in race relations is how White people can negotiate a minefield of potential injustice, the risk of how his actions might unfairly “paint me and my company with enraging headlines”.
And this?
Completely ridiculous. Sure, this woman may have been an entitled asshole deliberately flaunting the rules. Buy how on earth could we possibly know when OP didn’t even talk to her, and when OP is being coy about whether his “no sitting” rules are in accord with common sense expectations or prominently displayed.
A. Why no sitting on the chairs? That in itself tells us something is off in this situation.
2. What kind of looks and smirks were there and by what people? Fellow employees? Other business contacts? Potential customers? There’s no way to understand your actions without that context.
iii. Why do you think it was a problem to point out the signs saying the chairs were off limits? Do you think she didn’t notice the signs? Do you think she wanted to cause problem? Was she making some kind of statement.
d. Why did you go away?
*flouting, to edit my error
I too wonder why chairs are out in the open with “Please do not sit on the furniture” signs by them. Were they reserved? Were they freshly painted? Were they fragile antiques? Were they a test?
This sounds a lot like a certain banned turtle wizard who said a rabid left-wing jogger berated him for using a gas-powered lawnmower, when he included in his post a picture of his garage that had an obvious electric-powered motor.
IMHO this is the most germane part of the story. Take mask wearing at the height of the pandemic. If someone going into a place of business were to ask why they need to wear a mask, pointing to a sign or telling them it’s policy doesn’t explain anything to that person, but telling them it’s to help prevent the spread of COVID-19 does. The same goes for many other things. Wearing a seatbelt while driving, removing metal before going into an MRI machine, fasting after midnight the day of a surgery, and so on. If someone questions those things, responding by sizing it’s policy or it’s the law doesn’t do anything to inform the person questioning those policies or laws. Providing the reason (seatbelts keep you from being thrown out the car in the event of an accident, etc.) would be how I would approach such an issue. So IMHO the reason for having people not sit on those chairs is not only germane, it’s the key to the whole situation.
Cowardice
What’s the point of having a sign that asks people to not sit on the furniture, if you (the company rep) aren’t going to enforce it?
The worst thing that could have happened is that a stranger not related to your company then says something to this woman and pointing out the rule that you set up.
Definitely coward.
Mod Note:
Well then, if the board is so HORRIBLE, why are you here? I grant that some of the replies are snarky (and I don’t appreciate them), but transcend that.
What does “healthy” look like? I would assume, if someone was sitting where it was clearly posted not to, that if they sat anyway, that maybe she wasn’t feeling well. I might have checked on her. But that’s just me.
I didn’t claim that as her motive. I simply stated that it is a possibility you can’t dismiss out of hand.
Heh. I generally think of white fragility as “How dare you suggest I’m racist! YOU’RE the racist! Why are you so mean to me?! Now if I’m a woman I’m going to cry, and if I’m a man I’m going to get super aggro. HERE WE GO!!!”
There is something related, White Awkwardness, which comes from super not wanting to do something that’ll get you called racist but not being real clear on what that is and not really examining your own attitudes. And there’s White Points-Earning, where you do things that you think will look good on your I’m Not A Racist resume.
But often folks who get challenged on their White Awkwardness or White Points-Earning end up in White Fragility, and I def see a bit of that in posts 7-9.
(FWIW, stucco, I’ve been there and will likely be there again and can be a hot mess. Not suggesting I have all the answers by any means.)
OP, your anxiety and uncertainty aren’t helping anyone, including you. The solution is to learn your way out of it, and not from whatever media sources have you convinced that telling someone who’s Black, “I’m sorry, but the company doesn’t want people sitting on the furniture” would result in screaming headlines and viral videos.
You asked for thoughts. Here are mine:
You recognize you have issues here. That’s a good first step. Now you need to put in the work to learn your way out of your anxieties and confusion. Get a copy of So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo. It’s reader-friendly and will teach you a lot (regardless of whether you want to talk about race). I guarantee you’ll be glad you read it.
Any display involving furniture that’s not to be used is asking for trouble, especially at an event where people have been on their feet for awhile. Strongly suggest your company either ditch the furniture entirely or let potential customers use it. Point out that “We don’t want you to be comfortable! Buy our stuff!” is a bad marketing message. If they refuse, tell them to put mannequins on the furniture.