Holy shit, that happened to me once. I was on the final leg of a two weeks’ walking tour of Wisconsin. Late in the afternoon I stopped, ate some pork, beans, and a doughnut, and was preparing to stretch out and read when the Illustrated Man walked over the hill and stood for a moment against the sky…
If a guy had cleavage on his arm, I’d be staring, too. 
Part of this is almost certainly a chicken and egg problem!
There’s so much misinformation and downright hostility to tattooed people that they’re used to anything from wildly inappropriate curiosity (people asking my wife to hitch up her skirt so they can inspect her ankle/calf tattoo) to outright rudeness. It’s not any surprise to me that people get defensive.
I guess my question is, how were you looking at the person? Because it’s definitely possible to be looking at someone’s tattoos like a creeper. Of course, there’s nothing that prevents people who are antisocial assholes from getting tattoos.
Well, that’s a very good question. I walk around NYC today, yesterday, tomorrow, whatever. I see women proud to show both a lot of skin AND a lot of ink.
Do I glance at a tattoo that’s an immense Ace of Spades planted between a woman’s cleavage, rising up towards her thorax? Um. Yep. I’m wired that way. Do I stare for 30 seconds and lean in to watch the spade rise and fall rhythmically as she takes every breath, a slight sheen glimmering along her… well, you get the idea.
There’s glancing, and then there’s creepy. We get that. I GET that. But then there’s the ink. And taking a long look- which I define as anything longer than 2-3 seconds- to really examine some ornate and complex design shouldn’t be creepy. Yes, if it involves glaring at a woman’s bosom, sure. But the defensive/ negative stuff, that happens no matter WHERE the ink is, hence my mentioning it.
You have immense ink somewhere? It’s visible without someone gawking and craning their neck? They’re GONNA LOOK AT YOUR INK !!!
Deal.
I have no problem with people looking at my ink. What I don’t like is people looking at my ink or at me, in general, with disgust or disdain. If you don’t like it, don’t look.
Had this happen just a couple of days ago, when a couple of fifty-somethings in a grocery store eyeballed me sideways after a very long day at work. Caught them staring at my ink with an unveiled attitude of “I’m better than you.”
I’d love to be the one that shows up at their house someday to take their burglary report, covered in my tattoos. Surprise! Not a complete deviant after all!
Contrary to popular belief, people generally get tattoos for themselves, not to be a piece of art for other people to look at.
Truly do understand this, and herein lies the conundrum. It is for YOU not for me, but I see it and react to it inside. Sometimes it’s so detailed and amazing that it’s like being on the NYC subways witnessing the Books of Blood next to me.
I don’t see how anyone with tattoos thinks they get to control how other people think of it or react to it.
I know a lot of tattooed folks, and I have never seen someone openly displaying a tattoo who got mad at someone just looking at the tattoo. I have also seen a lot of mouthbreathers who apparently didn’t think the tattooed person could tell the difference between “looking at a tattoo” and “being ostentatiously disturbed by the existence of a visible tattoo”.
Have you ever tried saying, “Hey, I think that tattoo is (cool/interesting/beautiful/well done), do you mind if I take a closer look?” As opposed to, you know, just getting close to someone and staring at them.
Imagine a woman in a low-cut top. Do you think she should be able to complain about guys coming up to her and staring at her cleavage, hollering/whistling, etc.? After all, she made a choice to dress that way.
Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyup. I’ve never had anyone get mad at me for looking at their tattoos. 'Course, I also understand that a tattoo does not equal automatic permission to invade someone’s personal space.
I’ve found the magic words are “I love your ink–where’d you get it done?”
I only use that one if I actually want to know. (Most recently used this past Friday at a wedding while I stared at another woman’s chest.)
I’m used to people asking if they can see my tattoos - one is just under the nape of my neck and is usually only partially visable, and the ones on my ankle/feet are usually partially hidden by shoes. I have had a few people tug the back of my shirt to try and see the one on my back and each and every one got a quick elbow thrown at them. Would you go up to a stranger and yank the back of his/her shirt? They would get defensive: “I just wanted to look at your tat!” Well, then freakin’ ask and I will gladly show it to you.
Holy hell! I haven’t had this experience yet. Thank goodness! I’m sorry that’s happened to you! I carry a gun, and anyone grabbing me is going to find themselves on the receiving end of it… Regardless of their excuse.
On a slightly related note, I just got a new, highly visible tattoo of a tulip inside my right forearm. Love it!
Oh gosh. Look, I apologize all around here. I didn’t mean to imply that I move closer to someone with ink. I simply LOOK. But that doesn’t mean I step in closer, even if they are 15 feet away, I don’t slink up to 10 feet or 8 feet away to examine.
THAT is creepy.
If you’re as good at doing that as you are at sarcasm, no wonder people take it the wrong way.
Oh please. I glance at a tattoo. I do not gape, stride up and gawk, creep, glare or follow around.
I also look into people’s eyes when I talk to them. It’s called " not living in a state of detached irony. "
Are you smiling or making eye contact with the person when you check out their ink? I usually look at someone’s tattoos by glancing, then looking them in the eye and smiling in a friendly manner. I’ll sometimes even pair this with a positive comment on the tattoos.
I’ve had people come up from behind and touch me before I know what’s going on. There’s a reason why, if asked, I’ll indicate where my tattoo starts and ends-- it’s because folks get all leer-y even with that much information.
Yeah, I’ve seen folks do that before; depending on the inked person’s feelings about this, you’re going to get a variety of reactions from nonchalance to “what are you lookin’ at?” to “what the fuck is your problem?” from them.
I’ve used this before, and have had it used on me as well. You can tell how the person feels about the process of getting a tattoo by the way they word their answer. Telling us just the location may indicate that they are not a collector or have little interest in the person doing the work, but telling us the name and how they know the person or that they’re awesome can indicate that they believe a bit more in the artist-tattooee relationship as part of getting tattoos.
2ManyTacos: I would go along with an earlier comment and try wearing long sleeves for a while to see if you could deal with having to be covered all the time before you commit to it. If not, an above-the-elbow half sleeve may be a better bet for you.
No more than about 20% of the time. It seems I need to be more engaging when admiring someone’s ink.