I’ve never seen or tasted the result of one of those devices, but it always amazed me that these gizmos were ever popular. After all, how tough is it to cook or boil a friggin’ wiener?
It simply short-circuits house current through the weenie! You could do the same thing with an old lamp cord. Meals would definitely be more of an adventure when trying to electrocute a leaping, sizzling weenie.
Not sure if these count as gadgets, but…
I’ve always thought that Bagel Slicers were pretty stupid. Its basically a small wooden chamber with 2 slots down either side. You place the bagel inside of it and use the slots to guide the knife.
Another one is the banana hanger. It looks like it sounds. A wooden platform with a bent wire where you can hang your bananas.
sigh
Hey, for those of us who can’t get the bagel to slice properly in half (I hate having one half that’s paper thin, and the other half too thick for the toaster), not to mention the risk of a nasty cut, this thing is a godsend!
Agree with you on the banana hanger. Lame!
Words of wisdom. This simple philosophy eliminates the need for half of all silly kitchen gadgets. There are very few cutting/food prep tasks that can be accomplished faster or better than with a good sharp knife.
My vote for silliest gadget is that ridiculous pizza thingy that was mentioned earlier. Although if I was still buying Shrinky-Dinks, maybe I would invest in one.
Um, Electric Pepper Mill anyone? And just in case, they attach a little light to the end of it, so you can grind in the dark. (Double entendre most certainly intended.)
Not sure if you need a zircon-encrusted holographic banana holder or not, but the idea of hanging bananas (that would be a good name for a band, no? Imagine - Ron Popeil and the Hanging Bananas, opening tonight for the world renowned Pocket Fishermen!) is a good one. They (like most / all fruit) emit a chemical signals from their skin (similar to a hormone or a pheromone) to continue to ripen, do the cha-cha, etc. If you leave a 'nana sitting on the counter too long, it will ripen much quicker than you may want it too, especially on the side where it was sitting. On the other hand, if you want to make great banana bread, pudding, etc., stick them in a paper bag and you’ll have dark, mushy bananas in no time. In the meantime, skip the Titanium Ion-Reducing Everlasting Live-giving Alex Chiu Hang-O-Matic, stick them on a regular hook, eat and enjoy!
What about those indispensable tools required for oranges. You can’t eat one without the special plastic skin knife. How about trying to have fresh orange juice without push in juicer complete with a sealing lid to keep the orange fresh.
For those of you who mock the bagel slicer and ask who can be so stupid as to be unable to slice a bagel, allow me to present as Exhibit A my left hand, bearing the lovely 1" scar obtained (drumroll please) slicing a bagel. On vacation, yet. On the day the family was supposed to go to Busch Gardens. We still went, after a brief stop in one of S. Fla’s most lovely ERs. Yes, I patronized the hospitality houses that day!
I would offer my opinion as to the stupidest kitchen gadget, but I don’t know what half of them durn things are. Mrs D went through a Tupperware period, and we have all of these plastic gizmos with extremely specific supposed uses that are beyond my comprehension. I guess I should be glad we have all of them. Otherwise, that kitchen drawer I never open would be empty.
Ding, ding, ding…we have a winner!!
We used to have this thing when I was a kid. Not only was it senseless invention, it made the food taste absolutely horrible (as you mentioned)!! All the others mentioned pale in comparison. (Although that scramble the egg inside the shell thingy is pretty close.)
I agree with you there. My sister bought my mom a Salad Shooter a few years back, and for large quantities (say, shredding a block of cheese, or ten potatoes for hash browns) it’s worth the effort. In my mom’s case, she can usually get one of the grandkids to help (we encourage them to put their fingers in the Salad Shooter, it sorta tickles!) if she’s using it.
While I can’t see spending nigh $100 for this contraption, it might be useful for, say, a bar owner who sells slices of pizza and uses frozen pizza (as many of them do).
Back to the OP, my grandfather was a sucker for anything Popeil. We inherited all of his crap. Among the gems: The Square Egg, basically a square egg-cup into which you inserted a peeled boiled egg which would, over time, mold into the shape of a cube (why? I don’t know, maybe for appetizers?); the Potato Peeler (not your usual hand-held veggie peeler, oh no), basically a cylinder with a grating disc - you add some water and potatoes, and, presto! about TWENTY MINUTES LATER, the spinning motion peeled your potatoes.
I miss Grandpa.
Hey, Mark Bittman recommended that technique in his book on greens! Said it not only dried the lettuce (or spinach or whatever) adequately, but it was fun, to boot.
For some reason, I’m picturing Mary Tyler Moore hitting her furniture with a chain, and giggling.
I was in Restoration Hardware the other day, and got a little chrome thingumbob as a stocking-stuffer for the Little Woman: you hold it between two fingers and work the plunger like a hypodermic, and a little three-pronged claw on the end (think Doctor Octopus) opens and closes.
We will never have to reach into an olive or pickle jar with our grubby little hands again! Nor will our olives or pickles bear the shameful wounds of fork-tines or knife-tips used to spear them out of the jar!
Seriously? That is so cool(dreams of egg sandwich that has even coverage). Is the Square Egg the offical name of that, and was it an offical Popeil product? I gotta get one if they still make em.
I remember reading Bloom County several years back, when Opus was bulk-ordering Ronco products, and not being able to tell what was real and what was made up. In-the-shell egg scrambler? Turnip Twaddler? Slim Whitman’s greatest hits? Who knew?
At the time, it was probably Ronco. But I haven’t seen one since the garage sale. I seem to recall it being called the Square Egg or maybe Egg Squarer or something like that. I’m pretty sure they don’t make them anymore. Maybe on eBay?
Ive seen these things at Cost Plus. Bet you can get them at any kitchen-gadget place like Linens N Things or Bed Bath and Beyond (and I cant keeping myself from calling that last store Bloodbath and beyond, thanks Mr Groening).
Is this it? Square Egg
Useless as this gadget may sound, I’m told that it’s arguably one of the safest and most convenient ways to create a glowing electric pickle.
Sure, you could do all that wiring and stuff, but the hotdog cooker pretty much does the same thing. Imagine it! You passed up the opportunity to have a dedicated pickle-illuminator as part of your kitchen equipment!
This page contains further instructions. I love the internet. 
My mother owns three different nutmeg grinders-
They’re totally useless for anything other than grinding nutmeg. (and how many nutmeg emergencies do you have each year?)
But, nonetheless - infinitely more useful than the egg-squarer.
I’ve got a runner-up.
Exact same manufacturer: The Presto-Jiffy Yoghurt Maker
Looked like the hot-dog cooker, but had a plastic cover on it and little cups. You put whole milk in the cups and a spoonful of “live” yoghurt(sp).
Once plugged in, it kept the milk at about 110 degrees. “The perfect temperature for the formation of healthy, zestful yoghurt bacteria” said the ad copy.
And perfect for the formation of fuzzy blue-green mold, with black crust on the edges, sez I.
It was gross and my mom couldn’t convince my dad that it wasn’t something he was doing wrong, so he kept trying. He must have gone through ten gallons of milk before my mom “accidentally” broke it.
Fenris
The banana hanger is stupid.
I have a friend from NYC, which qualifies him to be superior-in-all-things-cultural, and he spends unbelievable amounts of cash buying gadgets from some hoity-toity kitchen store in Manhattan. He never cooks, mind you, but he has the best-equipped kitchen since Emeril.
The day I KNEW he had lost his mind was when he showed me his new pair of grape scissors. Yes, folks, grape scissors. Their specific purpose is to cut the grapes off the vines for serving.
Regular scissors, apparently, would just be too gauche for words.