Wait - you were actually LISTENING?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Have you ever surprised your parents as an adult by revealing you’ve adopted a practice of theirs or followed their advice?

When I started working as a teen, my grandmother demanded a portion of my paycheck as “rent.” It was heinously unfair, as she’d never done this with my aunts or uncles, nor did she do it with my siblings. I wrote it off as her odd capriciousness and moved on. When I was 22 and packing to move to Chicago, she presented me with a wad of cash - all the rent she’d collected from me over the years.

She said that while she and my grandfather were proud I was a hard worker, they were kind of disappointed at my spending habits; the rent was a way to force me into saving at least some of my money, and now I had a stake for when I moved out. I cocked my head at her, stepped away a second, and handed her a green ledger. As she flipped through it, she clearly got choked up, and at the last page her jaw dropped - it showed every cent I’d ever made or spent, ending with the balance of my checking and savings, which was a lot more than the few grand she was giving me back.

She looked at me, clearly stunned. I shrugged my shoulders matter-of-factly. “You said to keep track of my money. That’s what you do, isn’t it?” Years before, she’d shown me her ledgers - those cheap-o ones you can find in any drug store - and told me how she kept track of everything coming and going. Her saying was that with money when you don’t keep track, you lose track, and suddenly it’s gone and you have no idea where it went.

“You were listening?”

I know that moment meant a lot to her, as it came up a few times over the years. Who has similar stories?

2

Your grandmother assumed the worst of you with no evidence at all? For years? And is stunned to find out her estimation of you as totally irresponsible is incorrect?

heartwarming tale.

3

nice threadshit. That’ll teach the OP to share.

I think that’s a cool story. Congratulations. I’d share some of my own, but I didn’t listen…

4

She saw a teenager with (what she thought was) a minimum wage job spending a lot and feared the worst. I think a lot of parents would. I vaguely recall her asking me once if I was setting any money aside, and I just said “yeah” without going into it. If I’d known she was concerned, I’d have gone into more detail; I’m surprised I didn’t pick up on it after the rent thing started.

I think she was less stunned that I was saving and more had a “cat’s in the cradle” moment because of the ledger - not only needn’t she have worried, but I was managing my money exactly like her.

5

Aww. :slight_smile:

This is kind of similar, since it’s about money. It’s also “listening” to a lot of little things to absorb an overall mindset/outlook instead of me listening to a specific formal lesson or what have you.

I graduated college in 2005; Michigan was doing awful (the great recession? Michigan has been in those circumstances since at least 2003. I remember news stories about MI being the ONE state in a recession. Then finally, we weren’t alone! Mississippi joined us… Though they had a lil minor hurricane named Katrina they could blame. :smack: ). I was applying for tons and tons of jobs and not even getting callbacks, since employers could hire experienced workers at entry level wages.

I was living at home and had managed to get seasonal retail in November and was hired on after. Unfortunately, it was part time and all us PTers would only be scheduled for 9-16 hours per week. I literally made enough just for gas to drive to my job and the monthly student loan payment. My mom paid my car insurance because I literally did not have it (and I had a beater 1991 Shadow with no-fault).

The following April, I got a better part time job as a credit union teller. It paid more money and you were guaranteed at least 20 hours a week. Your first paycheck was boss, because you had 2 weeks of paid training full time before actually starting.

As soon as I got my first paycheck, I handed mom a check for all of the car insurance she had covered for me. She argued with me saying I didn’t need to and she wouldn’t accept it. I won out when she “threatened” to tear it up and I said if she did, I’d just write out another one. Also, going forward I would pay her a few hundred bucks in rent (I also did things like laundry, bathroom cleaning, etc).

She seemed frustratedly confused as to why I was doing this and I was frustratedly confused that SHE was confused. I explained that she had always said we (brother and me) could live at home as long as we were in school instead of bumming around. But I was graduated and should be responsible for my expenses. I LOVED that she covered my car insurance because she saw I was truly working and job hunting (instead of bumming around), but it was MY bill, not hers, so how could I NOT pay her back? Same with the rent: I’m out of college and though I didn’t have enough money to move out, that meant I was still taking up space in their house, consuming utilities under their name, etc.

She seemed stunned, in a happy and relieved way. I know she had feared I wasn’t “really” looking for a job all that hard and that I might end up never striving for more*. She saw that not only was that not the case, but I had absorbed the values of responsibility and not to take help for granted (or demand/expect it).

  • My brother graduated several years prior, before Michigan went to shit and had a job waiting for him from his co-op experience. By the time I was in college, most co-op opportunities had disappeared and the market was shite. My parents grew up in a time where a college degree was basically a guarantee you’d get SOME job. Combine these two things and I can understand where she was coming from.
6

— It’s at times like this that I really wish I’d listened to what my mother told me when I was young.

— Why, what did she tell you?

— I don’t know, I didn’t listen!