*&%# Walmart

The BBQ Pit
21

Discounters make their money on volume, not good customer service. They cannot afford to pay their people well because they’ve cut their profit margin by cutting prices.

When I go to Lazarus (Federated Dept. Store) to buy my clothes, for instance, I expect someone to wait on me. I expect to get to the front of any given line within 3 to 5 minutes. I expect my returns to be handled quickly and politely. Why? Cause with the exorbitant mark-up they charge on their merchandise, they can afford to pay good people.

Now, if I go to Walmart to buy my clothes, on the other hand, I don’t expect anything but a low price. If a button falls off, well what did I want for $5.99? I expect to wait in line. I expect there to be a line at the c/s counter.

It’s easy to say, “They should hire more people.” But in reality it’s hard to find “people” who are intelligent and hard working, esp. when you’re paying $3-5 less an hour than the Wendy’s next door. It’s even harder to find employees when your store is considered “un-cool” by the teenagers who used to be your employment pool. Next time you’re strolling down an aisle at Walmart, notice the orange bibs the employees are forced to wear.

I mean, geesh, even Wendy’s has ditched their polyester uniforms!

Have fun shopping!

22

Um… the hardware store? Home Depot? Target? Most drugstores? Most grocery stores? 7-11?

–
From an actual catalog: “Disco balls create an enchanting, dazzling effect of light shafts, adding movement and glamour to any occasion”
the Abrams’ bris was certainly memorable
O p a l C a t
www.opalcat.com

23

I had a friend apply to work part-time at our local Wally World. She came back fuming that she had to take a drug test. It’s not like your average WM employee has to reprogram the Space Shuttle or perform brain surgery.

I don’t know about other Wally Worlds, but over here in the FL Panhandle, the pay is for shit. You can’t afford a drug habit working full-time at WM.

I confess to actually enjoying the local Supercenter because along with getting some good stuff at decent prices, you get entertained by some of the morons that work and shop there. I like zeroing in on some wastoid employee, especially at the Radio Grill, and asking if their burritos are authentic Mexican burritos. Usually I get a clueless grunt, so I proceed with the Burrito Interrogation for Authenticity. At that point my wife usually intervenes and spoils the fun. Another one is going to the gun cases and muttering to myself "Yeah, they’ll regret the day they fired me…oh yeah…their time is coming!! If I have more spare time, and the wife is too busy taming the kid, then I go to the CD section and innocently ask the most elderly clerk there if this soundtrack contains the live virgin sacrifice cut that is banned in 17 states.

Oh, and thanks *Cricket for some more cool Wally World Fun Things To Do. I can’t wait to grab the wife and kid for the next trip!

…send lawyers, guns, and money…

       Warren Zevon
24

Bwa-hahahahahahaha! I thought I was the only one to do that! I usually go to the Wal-Mart in Council Bluffs late at night when Chris is asleep. Last time I was there with him he got cranky and wanted to nurse. So we made ourselves “at home” in a lawn chair under an umbrella. I put on my sunglasses for the full effect (and also hoping no one I knew was walking by!)

Prairie Rose

If you’re not part of the solution you’re just scumming up the bottom of the beaker.

25

I stopped shopping at Wal-Mart for a decade because a checker was rude to my mom. If you don’t like 'em, just stay away. In my town, there are two Super Wal-Marts, a Super K-Mart, and a Target, all reasonably close together; it’s no problem for me to go somewhere else.

Other fun stuff to do in Wal-Mart:

Walk up to the pharmacist with a pack of condoms and ask where the changing rooms are.

Grab one of those phones and page people with funny names, like Mike Hunt and Hugh G. Rection.

Dress like a chef, go to the pets department, and ask for “a pound and a half” of goldfish.

Put on a rainbow-afro wig and stand in line at the Returns counter holding a large bottle of shampoo/conditioner/hair dye.

Pick something expensive from the jewelry counter and try to bargain them down to “three-fitty.”

26

My favorite thing about Wal-Mart is the seasonal displays, you know, Halloween stuff, Easter stuff, etc., especially the way they hustle that stuff in and out. They get rid of the Halloween stuff the week before Halloween, seriously. Did you ever try to buy Halloween stuff at Wal-Mart on October 25? Can’t be done.

Ditto for Easter candy the week after Easter. It’s gone, babe. If you find something you liked, better stock up before Easter, because it won’t be there when you go back the next time.

I especially adore the way it always seems to take them by surprise when, at the end of August, in our school district, 60,000 schoolchildren need–gasp!–school supplies! I don’t know how many years now, whenever I go into our friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart during the last two weeks of August, I see it absolutely stuffed to the gills with frantic moms (and dads), school-age children in tow, crumpled paper lists in their hands, looking for stuff. Wal-Mart never seems to realize that they could make things a lot easier for everybody if they’d expand the school supplies to more than the usual 2 aisles given to seasonal displays.

Also, I have it on good authority, from folks who’ve been in the front lines, that every year there is going to be at least one thing on the official school supplies lists that Wal-Mart WILL NOT HAVE in stock, necessitating an extra trip to K-Mart, or Staples, which everybody hates to do, because you can’t do the grocery shopping at the same time.

And these are not exotic things like special poster paint or something. It’s simple things like Pink Pearl erasers, and plain No. 2 pencils that don’t have Garfield or Pokemon on them. There will never be any Pink Pearl erasers in stock. There will be the empty hook, where Pink Pearl erasers once were, and no doubt someday will be again, but this week–“no, sorry, I guess we’re out of stock.” (shrug)

Other than that, I have to say that I’ve always found our local Wal-Mart employees to be nice and helpful, even when clueless. And no, I don’t work there or have a family member who works there. It’s probably because we are a fairly good-sized city and they have a good deal of competition from other retailers.

And yeah, I’m sorry for all the mom-and-pop stores that they drive out of business, but what you gonna do? I’d patronize them, except that there don’t seem to be any of them left.

27

i hate walmart, a lot. i would rather go to any other store (ames, kmart, target, anything) than go to that store. I mean, there are idiots that work at all the above mentioned stores, idiots that dont know where anything is or how much anything costs. but for some reason, when im at walmart, i get more mad when the employees are clueless.

i’ll tell ya what the problem is…its the manager that hire these people. when you get a job like that, they usually need a person so bad that they cant waste time training you and orienting you to the store. youre just thrown right in there, and oh well if you dont know what youre doing. and because you dont know what youre doing, customers are gonna get pissed. i know, ive been on both sides of the fence…

“I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t, i mean s-m-a-r-t”

28

Story told by Father Francis in a homily just before Christmas of '98.

He went to WalMart looking for a nativity set.
“A what?” asked the friendly helpful employee.
“A nativity set,” repeated Fr. Francis.
“What’s that?” asked the friendly, helpful employee.

And if this story is typical of the encounters I’ve had with store employees who didn’t know what a not-uncommon item I have requested was, the friendly helpful employee probably said “What’s that?” with a sneer, while looking at Father like he had a leperous sore on his face…

“Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good blaster at your side.” — Han Solo

29

I’d probably enjoy shopping at Wal Mart more if I saw people like Kricket doing cool stuff.

I think the funnest (yeah, I know it’s not a real word, it’s a MY word) thing I ever did was being in a ‘gotta have that’ mode, and they had tins of the three flavored popcorn way high up on a shelf.

AND they had a blue thing-a-majig that raises up using a lever right next to where the popcorn was. I didn’t use the lever though, I just jumped up on the level part and looked for the prettiest picture on the tin. YES, I know the picture isn’t important, but I WANTED the horse one! :stuck_out_tongue:

Anyway, a young guy comes in from the garden shop and gasps, ‘ma’am, you can’t DO that!’ I hop down, horse pictured tin in my arms and reply, ‘Sure, I can, I just did, thanks’ and walk off, my kids were dying laughing.

Judy

“Um, according to who? Nothing more than a high brow troll, though occasionally the bi polar personality swung in a constructive direction on innocuous topics.” Omniscient

30

Not in my town of 7000 people…

Yours truly,
aha

31

Even more fun stuff to do at Wal-Mart: http://www.rit.edu/~mwp6741/comedy/walmart.html

Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.

32

In my town, all the people from Mexico flock to the walmart 24 hours a day seven days a week. I swear to god the store is just as full at 3:00 in the morning as it is at 5:00 in the afternoon. there is about twenty five checkouts, and they are all always full. It SUKCS DICK.I agree–#&*@! Walmart!

“I say God DAMN!”

33 
What kills me ( ahem ) is that they will prance around barking Fascist orders about Proper Language, and Respect, and God- but, hey man you can buy guns there, and kill people. What am I missing here??????? Oops, right I forgot.....guns don't kill 6 year-olds, 6 year-olds kill 6 year-olds. GRRRRR.

Now, on to the other rant for this topic. I live in a small town. They are building a Wal-Mart, and a Home Depot. Gimme a break. I am not so poor that I can't afford to buy my wood for the new deck at the local lumber yard. Fuck Home Depot- they employ people who failed the Wal-Mart employee test. I would rather pay 10% more, and speak to a POLITE, MATURE, SEASONED person who KNOWS their speciality, and is not just waiting for the next 10 minute break to roll around.
     Goddamned Mega Stores. Goddamned faceless greedy bastards. Goddam it.

     Cartooniverse

If you want to kiss the sky, you’d better learn how to kneel.

34

Cartooniverse says:

Then do so. Contrary to the rants of the anti-Wally World and anti-Home Despot mob, nobody is forcing you to trade there.

Of course, all of your friends and neighbors, including the ones that you thought had a trace of moral fiber in their makeup, will, in about five minutes, decide that they’d rather pay 10% less for their goods. Nothing will stop them, nothing loyalty to the local lumber yard, not decency to the employees who can eat more once a day on what that lumber yard pays, not a desire for efficient, competent, courteous service. Every experience from airlines to super-duper-hyper-marts shows that Americans, at least, will swallow endless amounts of crap if they can save a penny by doing so.

“I don’t just want you to feel envy. I want you to suffer, I want you to bleed, I want you to die a little bit each day. And I want you to thank me for it.” – What “Let’s just be friends” really means

35

When our local Supercenter opened up here, their express lanes all had sign that read “This lane open from 9 a.m. to 10 p.m.”

Well, one night at about 8 p.m. I was getting ready to check out and walked to an express lane where two employees (both C.S.M.s) were gabbing. As I placed my items on the counter, one of the snobs told me that the lane wasn’t open. I told them that the sign said it was. As they looked up on their side of the sign, they informed me that there wasn’t a sign that said that.

I spent five minutes trying to convince them there was such a sign. Finally, one of the girls walked around, read the sign, and informed me that they weren’t open and I’d have to go to another lane. As I walked off, leaving the merchandise there in front of them, they had this blank stare on their faces like someone had hit the off switch.

36

Isn’t Wallmart responsible for unleashing “Greeters” on the world. I’ve got an idea…Get behind the register old man!

37

Well, ya know what ticks me off?

When you go into that small local store because you want to support them, and they are just as un-helpful and un-knowledgable as those workers at the Mega-Lo-Mart.

I live in New Jersey, in a town with a real down-town with all sorts of nifty and useful stores. There are also many Wal-Marts, K-Marts, Targets, Home Depots, and the like in the surrounding towns. So, I really have my choice.

I try to shop locally, for all sorts of reasons, ethical, environmental, social. The most important reason that I like to shop locally is that by spending my dollars in my town, I am helping keep the the stores in my town–thus keeping the downtown vibrant. And I am not only referring to the mom-and-pop stores. We have several chain stores in the town. Example: I would rather buy a dress at the Talbots that is 1/2 mile from my front door than the one at the mall. I want that Talbots to stay there.

So–to my rant:
We bought a house here a year ago. New homeowners need paint. So, do we go to the Home Depot–30 minutes round trip, plus extra time to navigate that huge store, or do we go to the local paint store which is 1/2 mile away? (Both have good quality paint.)

We naturally went to the local guy. We figured we would get good service and good advice from a knowledgable store-keeper. We also figured that the savings in time and bother (and gas) would more than make up for any difference in price.

Well, the local guy was way more unpleasant and unhelpful as the Home Depot guys! Sheesh!
As other people in this thread have noted, there is a trade-off for the low prices at the Mega-Lo-Mart: You get less customer service.

But if I’m gonna get crappy service at the local place, I might as well go somewhere where the prices are lower!

I still shop locally for most things. But, we bought the paint at the Home Depot when we were there anyway to get something else. The guy who helped us was perfectly pleasant and efficient.

So, I should be happy, right? I showed that nasty paint guy that I could take my dollars elsewhere.

The problem is that I don’t like the color of the paint we ended up buying! There was nobody to help us with color choice at the Home Depot. The paint we got is a pale yellow, but it turned out to have a slight greenish cast. I was looking for more of a warm “sunny” yellow. The greenish-yellow makes the whole room look a bit sickly. A good paint guy probably could have helped me choose a color that I would have liked better.

So, yeah. *&^% Wal-Mart. But *&^% local stores who suck just as bad, too.

38

The funniest thing I ever did at a gigantic superstore (a Meijer, which only people from the Midwest know about) was during Easter. They had a huge center-aisle shelf filled with hundreds of stuffed bunnies, sheep, ducks…you know, the cute little spring animals. They all played cute little spring songs when you pressed their feet. For about 30 seconds.

You can see where this is going. Ever heard 200 versions of “Old McDonald Had a Farm” all going on at the same time, seconds apart from one another? My friend Brandon and I managed to press the foot of every animal we could reach for about two minutes. We were laughing ourselves to tears.

Well, maybe you had to be there.

39

Green Bean:

When choosing paints, you need to take the paint strip of the color you’re thinking about using and hold it against the wall you’re going to paint. The same color can look very different from room to room.

Bitch by Birth

40

Ya know, we did that. We had the paint made up–they said we could return it with no problem. We put a paint swatch on the wall, and it seemed fine.

It was only after painting the whole room and living with it for a few days that we realized that the color was off.

I guess sometimes you can’t really tell until you do the whole room. I think a good paint guy would have a better understanding of color than I do and would have been able to advise us about that color.