WARNING: SON EARNS HIS FATHER’S LOVE IN THE MOST TRITE AND UNIMAGINATIVE WAY POSSIBLE
In that case, I share your character flaw. I can’t stand to see an animal die or be hurt in a movie. I hate it when some lame director thinks that the comedic value of his film will be enhanced if some cat screeches as he meets a violent death. Ugh.
Warning: Contains underachieving sports team of seemingly failures
(Note: May end in vomit-inducing-slow-motion-all-or-nothing-shot-finale)
Warning: Keanu Reeves!!!
WARNING: This movie contains scenes that will make you remember why you didn’t go to nursing school, even though your mother and half the nuns you ever met insisted you’d make a great nurse. Take a companion so you can ask “Is it over yet? Is she still bleeding? Are there any bones visible?” while holding your eyes tightly closed and trying not to puke. :eek:
WARNING: However interesting the plot, characters or cinematography may be, a seven-year-old could predict the last fifteen minutes of this film.
WARNING: Good-looking, two-dimensional hero lives–even though it doesn’t make sense; interesting, better-acted hero’s side-kick bites the dust.
WARNING: Gratuitous murder scene wherein the weakened hero/heroine steps too close/checks the body of the seemingly-dead villain.
Warning: Chris Elliot appears in this movie
Warning: A sappy sister/mother/daughter relationship movie.
Warning: Veteran cop/rookie cop pairing where they don’t like each other and eventually have a fist fight in an alley before rallying to get the bad guys.
Warning: Veteran cop 1 week from retiremant will die
Warning: Old man’s ass will be shown.
Warning: Someone will vomit and you will be able to see/hear it all.
Warning: Harvey Keitel will masturbate outside a car window.
(Will Harvey get his own category a la Ted McGinley on “Jump the Shark”?)
Movies already inform me in advance of the presence of Demi Moore, so I don’t have to worry about that.
WARNING: This movie features children for no other reason than to crank up the cuteness factor.
WARNING: This movie features cute children who have an unholy understanding of UNIX/Crytography/3D-Graphics/Internet-Security that will ultimately save the day.
WARNING: This movie features easily fooled villians.
WARNING: This movie will make the computer-literate baby Jesus cry (alien ships are Mac compatible? Sure, why not).
WARNING: This movie did not waste any money checking the script for scientific accuracy/plausibility.
WARNING: This movie features John Saxon.
Warning: Graphic footage of Tom Hanks fracturing his own jaw with an ice skate.
<<shudder>>
(LS) WARNING: This film features Leelee Sobieski woodenly trying to mimic Helen Hunt.
(ST) WARNING: This film has been promoted using “With Songs By” references to shitty pop and alt tunes by one-hit-wonder artists. Proceed with caution.
(S&S) WARNING: This is a “Julia Stiles and Shakespeare” updated-bard-tale movie.
(BT) WARNING: The only two decent minutes of footage in this lousy picture were the two minutes you already saw in the trailer.
(HM&JF) WARNING: This movie features heavy metal music being played as jet fighters zoom around the screen.
(3’sC) WARNING: The “plot” of this romantic comedy is entirely driven by silly contextual misunderstandings.
(XX) WARNING: This is a Kevin Costner ego project.
(HAHA) WARNING: This picture features a model attempting to act whilst wearing absurdly revleaing clothing.
WARNING: Plucky blue-collar folks overcome a depressed econmony by getting together and doing something blue-collar people aren’t expected to do. (Brassed Off, Billy Elliot, Full Monty, Bootmen, Secret Society, etc…)
But most importanly,
WARNING!: Contains Baldwins
I’d like a warning that there will be a stupid scene where one of the female characters is overcome with lust for one of the male characters and they will kiss/screw/vow love for one another despite the improbability of the setting and/or the timeframe for this romance to have developed.
Wait, if I want to avoid that, I guess I just need to stop going to the movies altogether.
I want a tissue warning. I can cope with movie-blood, but please warn me if there are going to be chunks. I also want eyeball injuries noted ahead of time.
And count me in with Delphica about the animals. I have been known to yell, out loud, in crowded theatres, “ACK! WHY do they always make the horsies fall down?!”
How about these 3…
CF: Chick flick. Talk about feelings, emotions, etc replace any action, humor or plot. Unaccompanied straight men not allowed. (for your own good, fellas)
TNT: Action film whose plot is "Blow something up every 5 minutes. Women may want to avoid.
DTV: On CD and tape boxes. Denotes film was SO bad we never even tried to release it in a theater, and went direct-to-video because we had one name actor who needed a job real bad right now…
Warning: This movie contains a sad ending.
Warning: You’ve already seen all the best lines in this movie in the trailer.
Warning: This movie is so cliche you already know what’s going to happen next.
Warning: In an attempt to throughly confuse you, this movie contains two or more actors who look alike.
Warning: This movie is a cheap rip-off of a recent popular movie.
AAAHHHHH!!! (running out of theatre) i want my money back!!!
WARNING: This movie contains footage of huge fireball explosions caused by things which would not normally explode.
(That would be plastered in big letters on Total Recall, for instance, which actually had a scene where an electric car went up in a big fireball.)
Warning: Script does not enable audience to be entertained.
No talent was employed in the making of this movie.
WARNING: This movie contains footage of Keanu Reeves attempting an accent or dialect other than surfer-speak!
i heartily second the eyeball injuries. chunks don’t really bother me that much, but the removal of anything situated on the head/face (eyes, ears, scalp) really warrants a warning.
ditto on the animals. even cartoon ones. (no, don’t shoot bambi’s mom!!!)