In college, it was convenient to be able to blow people off by saying, “sorry, but I really have to finish this book for a class right now,” (and sometimes that was even true). Of course, that can sound a little dubious if you’re reading World War Z, or something, or if you’re no longer in college.
Good God alice - all that and you left the bloody door open as well?!? Waddidya take the place for - a fucking 24-hour-room-service hotel?
You had it easy.
In my house it’d be the terrifying, “Darling, please - you know the rules. No reading at the dinner table. It’s uncouth.”
Now there’s a book that should be smacked out of its own hands and slammed shut like itself.
I’m afraid I’ll have to agree with this as well.
And again, it’s boundaries. Nobody gets to decide where another person draws his/her boundaries. If one person does not like to be hugged and kissed, then nobody else has the right to overrule that person’s wishes to be untouched. If someone wishes to spend his TIME OFF reading instead of being forced into a group that MUST socialize damn near constantly for six days a week, that sounds nearly like a mental health issue.
I like socializing, but I also enjoy my alone time, and I need some of both.
I advise the OP to take a two seater table, and move that extra chair away from it next time. Or say that you’re expecting someone to join you momentarily. Do whatever you need to do.
Frankly, if the Clueless Coworker is so lacking in social skills, I am not sure that he’s a good fit for the job of social aid worker.
Ah. The sound of chewing, clinking and voracious bookworms. Nerdvana.
People in societies always have social obligations toward each other, even if they are entirely strangers to one another.
A hotel dining room! I suppose I could think of some places less suitable for alone time, but not without effort.
It was rude of him to assume you wanted company, especially when you were obviously occupied. He should have asked if you minded if he sat down; you then could have politely told him (as you did) that you were planning to read through breakfast. Then, it would be his own damn fault for choosing to sit there anyway instead of finding someone who wanted to chat.
Would it have been *nice *of you to put down your book and talk? Sure. But it *wasn’t *rude not to–and it *was *rude of him to impose when you clearly weren’t interested in company.
Oh Lynn Bodoni! He might have been a social, social aid worker.
Sure it was. It’s entirely possible for both things to be rude. Sitting down at breakfast was a mild faux pas. Blatantly ignoring the guy was out-and-out rude, warning or no.
Personally, I don’t think you’re a jerk because I myself would much rather read than engage with 99% of the people I know and usually do, with no intention of rudeness or making the other person feel rejected. Empirically, I think we should all be careful who we ignore in this fashion because it can very often be considered a personal rejection or very rude.
And one of those obligations is to ASK if one is intruding. And if one is informed that one IS intruding, then one goes away, one does NOT keep on intruding simply because one is bored. The OP greeted the coworker and said that he wanted to spend his time reading. The coworker ignored this. Seems to me that the coworker failed to meet his obligations moreso than the OP did.
The OP had exactly one place to get breakfast, if I’m reading things right. Do you think that he should have just skipped breakfast, then? Or should he have carried his breakfast up into his room? Is he obliged to ALWAYS let other people violate his boundaries? What if the coworker was feeling especially lonely, and wanted some cuddles? What if he was horny, and wanted more than cuddles? Who gets to draw the line, and where?
Oh for God’s sake, Lynn. You know I like ya, and you KNOW I’m prone to my own use of hyperbole, but this is no slippery slope. It’s a mild social short-circuit over breakfast. Let’s not make it quite such a Federal case.
I see nothing remotely rude in the OP’s behavior. It’s not like he told the guy to piss off, or ignored him completely. He politely acknowledged a coworker, then went back to what he was doing. That’s not treating him like shit or otherwise insulting him.
Now, if the guy had clearly been in some distress, or had said (in a polite way) that he really wanted or needed to talk to someone, it would be a bit different. I’m not sure what circumstance would result in him needing to talk to a casual acquaintance that badly, but if something did, it would be up to him to make that clear. If he’s just so desperately needy that he can’t handle eating breakfast alone after spending 13 hours a day with other people for 6 days , he probably needs more help than anyone could supply over breakfast.
I understand the desire for alone-time with a book, but 15 minutes of chit-chat with a co-worker isn’t going to kill you. Yes, it was rude of him to interrupt your reading - for the record I hate it when people assume reading=boredom - but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to be rude back.
I don’t even understand why the OP posted this when it’s obvious he’s already made up his mind about the whole situation. SOP for the Dope I suppose.
:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
Good grief. Perhaps he was just being friendish. Nice to know that acknowledging your coworkers out of work times means that you’re desperately needy with some sort of psychiatric intervention required.
I don’t think you did anything wrong and would likely have done something similar. If you put your book down every time someone wanted to join you for a meal, you’d never get to do something you enjoy on your one day off. It’s not your responsibility to entertain your coworkers on their day off. I think a reasonable person who is told “Good morning! Hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to keep reading my book.” would think you’d just treated them like “total shit”.
This whole “freak the fuck out on someone posting something pretty mundane” thing is something I’ve come to dread on the SDMB. It has stopped me, and I imagine countless others, from asking questions or telling anecdotes or looking for a bit of advice.
Especially not at the breakfast table.
For God’s sake, there’s no place for one book; let alone a whole Federal book case.
The problem is that this isn’t a hard and fast rule. Sue, some people love to read while they eat. But other people just read to pass the time until they go back to their room/out/etc. I really don’t think everyone reads a book thinking “Oh God, I hope nobody tries to speak to me while I’m doing this”. I know nobody on the SDMB is going to admit to reading fluffy literature just to fill time, but I assure you it happens.
Having said that, he was kind of rude to assume you wanted his company, but you were also kind of rude to keep reading. The message to him may well have been “I’d rather do anything else than talk to you” rather than “I’d rather read this book than do anything else”.
I think that was the book madmonk was reading, alice.
So no wonder the co-worker so desperately wanted to talk…