“Also, my house was burning down.” 
Man, I hate having to wipe beer off my monitor!
That’s gold!
You know, I’d respect libertarians so much more if they just had the courage of their convictions.
That’s exactly what I thought when I read it. “Plus my house was burning down”, freakin priceless!
And that, my friends, is why my brethren and I will always just be a freak show. Most members of the party are idiots more in love with their intellectual convictions than the practical aspects of governing even a small city.
Dammit.
On the other hand, we all know how well Crassus’ fire department worked…
Eh, Jonathan, you did notice this is the Onion, right?
Lib lives in the Carolinas, last I checked, so there’s that at least going for him.
Ah, after reading it in the OP I thought it had to be too good to be true. Shame.
Yeah, I did. But this is only indicative of a true picture. Like that libertarian flake who turned himself blue out west a while ago. When they came to cover him being blue he self-identified as a libertarian for the media.
We are our own worst enemies.
Oh, yes, a prompt and efficient service that was. By golly, we need more Roman ways in our lax, corrupt society! I say, bring back the ancient ways! Let’s have that old-time government like Caligula used to have!
I’m going to put my pretend libertarian hat on here, because what’s been said so far has been unduly harsh to the fictional chap (and hence hasn’t appreciated the quality of the wrinting).
Where the government provides fire services largely financed by coercion, it is not possible for market-based alternatives to compete. In the absence of government, good market-based alternatives would emerge. There would be an interplay of insurance, land values and club-like behaviour that would deal with the problem. The government-subsidised approach prevent voluntary, innovative, low cost alternatives from emerging.
Should a person like this let their house burn down? I don’t see why. And why should he offer to pay - he’s entered no contract. And the “social contract” to which he objects doesn’t require him to anyway. Why should a libertarian (or anyone else) be expected to act as though he lives in his perfect world?
The bloke isn’t flaky. Nor does he lack the courage of his convictions. He just has to live in an imperfect world with its daily petty indignities.
Except that we did have free-market fire departments at one time in this country. Ever watch This Old House on PBS? You know that “sponsorship announcement” (aka, commercial) at the start of the show from State Farm? The one with the odd sort of plaque thing floating through the camera range? The design of that was taken from cast-iron plaques that you used to nail to the outside of your house. If you were a State Farm insurance holder, that told the State Farm firemen that they should save your house. If you had another insurance company’s plaque, the State Farm guys wouldn’t show up – the other company guys would. If you were a cheapskate, then they all would show up and stand around watching your house burn until you paid one of them to get off their collective ass and get to work.
Of course, this was at a time when the hand-drawn hose reel was the epitome of fire-fighting technology, so any efforts wouldn’t have been very helpful, anyway.
But the point is, this country did experiment with other forms of fire protection and went the other way. Not by Federal government fiat, but by local communities agreeing that community-supported fire departments were better.
The gentleman understands that that was a joke.
I realise this is a joke, but many people, both those of the differing political beliefs, and those mocking them, seem to think this. It looks to me like he HAS paid: he presumably was required to pay taxes, some of which go to the fire service. Just because I don’t want to do that, once I’ve been forced to, I don’t see why I shouldn’t get the benefit.
“Is your house on fire? Why not call us today?”
Very likely because, ivory tower free-enterprise theories notwithstanding, in crowded areas the department had to fight the fire in nonsubscribing building A anyway in order to prevent the loss of the subscribing building B abutting A.
Thank you for calling the Bradbury 451 Fire Service. Unfortunately all our operators are busy right now. You call is important to us, …Thank you for waiting, you are now…fourth in the queue…Thank you for waiting, you are now … third in the queue…
Thank you for waiting, this is the Bradbury 451 automatic answering facility:
If you wish to hear our current charges for fire cover… please press button 1.
If you are an existing customer… please press button 2.
If your house is burning down please hang on, an operator will be with you as soon as possible to laugh their socks off at you for not having fire cover…