The purpose of this thread is to brainstorm some nice, neutral topics one can use to swiftly change the subject.
I have an upcoming visit by my rather challenging parents, but I think this could benefit others in similar situations: co-workers being inappropriate, neighbors being nosy, chatty person next to you on the bus or plane, etc.
I’ve found this really helps prevent arguments - the conversation equivalent of “Look over there!!” Distract 'em with something more tolerable to discuss.
(Please, no unsolicited advice about managing the relationship itself. Sometimes that isn’t an immediate option, so this isn’t the place for that. Okay?)
Cheeky, irreverent jokes are highly welcome, though!
This is absolutely true. So, my strategy is to mention some interesting news I came across that morning. I like to be informed and I can always mention something apparently interesting. If it is not interesting enough in their opinion, I can humbly apologize and everybody is happy. I hope.
I suspect that my family knows this too. Occasionally we all seem to be determinedly talking about somebody’s cat in order to get through Thanksgiving.
Part of what depends on the person is whether that person is willing to change the subject.
“(Other person’s name), this is the kind of conversation that can only end in a gunshot.”
It’s not difficult for me to launch into a discussion of a topic that was specifically chosen to be of no interest to anyone around me. When in doubt, casual comments about personal medical issues usually work. Pointing to some random part of your body and asking the other person to look at it and tell you if it looks “funny” or sheepishly apologizing for some small quirk while saying that your doc doesn’t have your meds quite balanced yet can send most people dopplering into the kitched for a quick refill.
I grew up very conservative, my parents being fans of Richard Nixon, Joe McCarthy, and Genghis Khan. Christianity radicalized me (well, the part where you realize that most of what Jesus said was about justice… serving the poor and unseating the powerful), and I married someone even more progressive.
Our go-to conversational gambit:
Mom: “Seems like what these negroes really want…” Me: “Do you smell gas?”
For me, politics is actually the way to go. There are a lot of ways to be “challenging” and political disagreement is just one… and luckily one that doesn’t factor in too much with my mom. If I get her started on Trump, she’s thinking about him and his supporters and not about me and all the ways I don’t measure up. And she can go on and on and on and on about that and the infinite tangents related to it.
Pets are good, but it has to be THEIR pets. Pets tend to be more fun to talk about than to hear about.
Watch a few episodes of QI on Youtube and it will give you loads of fun facts. Like in France, instead of saying “Cheese” for photos, they say “Maromsets” (ouistiti in French) because it sort of makes your face stretch in the same way. Or that “get out of jail free” cards used to be a real thing- you got them by winning the lottery in like… the 1600s?. Loads and loads of those. And a lot of them invite more discussion- like what would you do with a “get out of jail free” card? Use it right away? Pull it out and look at it thoughtfully any time anyone makes you mad? here is the bit about cheese/marmosets and you’ll find loads of other clips and full episodes on there.
Preload yourself with…”I read a really interesting article in National Geographic or Smithsonian or Popular Mechanic (that one has some really fascinating, absolutely safe articles). None of these are controversial-no religion or politics yet are good grist for the mill. Or you could ask them what ‘good grist for the mill’ means to them.
Ask them about themselves. Never fails. Which is inevitably a variation of talking about their pets.
Where I live asking “who makes a better pick-up, Ford or Chevy?” is good for an hour.
There are really good Ted Talks about having easy conversations about topics that have no pitfalls.
You of course will have to be the better person and resist rising to any bait with all of these. But one of these should get you through Sunday brunch without murderous actions (thoughts maybe, but no actions).
What always works with my 3 year old grand daughter (vastly above average of course, not debatable) is: what was your most favorite thing today (or this week)? What was your least favorite? Go around the table. Maybe no one will notice you ducked and didn’t answer.
Are they challenging because of politics? That makes even small talk about the weather or sports difficult now.
Anyone have an interest in wine or beer? Even if you’re not drinking at the event, it can make for an interesting distraction to discuss new ones you’ve run across lately.
How about decorating? If they’re in your home,a mention of potential new furniture could be a distraction. Even something minor like the talk of getting a new lamp or reorganising the room might work.
If there’s a lottery with a particularly big jackpot, “What would you do if you won?” is a good one. Of course, with my MIL, it led to her worries that if she hit it big, someone would try to kidnap our daughter for ransom. At the time of that conversation, our daughter was 9 or 10, now she’s 34, so the worry is about her daughter!
Anyway, financial flights of fancy can be fun and time-consuming.
One of my sisters will always get on a political rant. She will go on and on and on. No one else in the family cares much about politics so we all sit there and listen and hope she’ll wear herself out. After one Thanksgiving dinner, I finally just said, “let’s talk about something else”. Someone else brought up a different subject and that was the end of politics. My sister didn’t seem to be offended, she joined in on the new conversation. Luckily most of these gatherings are at my house, so I can always get up and start clearing the table to doing dishes to get myself out of the situation. Then slowly everyone else finds a reason to get up too. Usually to help me!
Funny indeed.
