Thanks for the good wishes. It’s immensely helpful to have input from people who are not directly involved. It also helps to hear from people who have similar experiences. It seems like a lot of you found what you were looking for pretty soon after…which is hopeful. I think a lot of getting what you want is knowing what you want and having the bravery to ask for it.
I woke up today with his name on my lips, followed by that horrible sensation where you realize the world that you woke up in today is not the one that you knew yesterday. But that only lasted a moment. Honestly, I feel fine. Maybe it just hasn’t kicked in yet. Or maybe I was careful enough with how invested I got in this relationship. Or maybe…maybe…I’ve finally developed the coping skills and perspective to move through difficult times without falling apart. I’m going to expect some difficult moments eventually, but stay hopeful that I’ll have the capacity to deal with them when they come.
I’ll see him next week in class. I think I’ll be ready by then. I’ve already updated my OKCupid profile. It’s not time to start dating yet, but it probably will be soon.
No experience counts as a failure if you learn something from it. It’s extremely important in relationships, if you don’t want to keep repeating the same mistakes. You have to own your part in such things, when it falls apart, not just explain it away.
So, what did you learn? What is your part in it? And what lesson are you taking away with you?
I’m sorry there’s no pill for this pain, if it helps, your experience ties you to every other human being on earth, you’re very truly not alone.
Keep us posted on how you’re doing, in the days ahead, we’re all pulling for you!
Sorry to hear that, but I will say I’m jealous- I’ve never had breakup sex. None of my breakups tended toward any warm/fuzzy/cuddly emotions, more like anger/frustration/door slamming emotions.
I’ve already mentioned my condolences for you in this thread. They are heart-felt.
I have something to add which I hope will be helpful, maybe give you a little bit of hope for the future. The last time I broke up with a girlfriend, we had been together about three years. I was devastated. I didn’t date anyone for months. But eight months after that breakup, I met another women, and that new woman eventually became my wife.
I have found that for a “love” relationship to work, you and your partner must fulfill one another in 4 ways; Mentally, Physically, Spiritually and Emotionally.
My college sweetheart and I were together for 5 years. We had 3 of the 4 aspects of our relationship totally sewn up, but since I’m Jewish and he’s Catholic, we didn’t mesh spiritually. We thought we could “compromise” and teach our future children about both and let them find what felt best for them. When the reality of moving to “the next step” finally came up, we both realized how unrealistic that was. Still totally, completely and very deeply in love with one another, we parted ways, wishing for each other a new person who would give the other what we knew we couldn’t.
For us it took a while (5 years for him, longer for me (but I didn’t mind the wait a bit)), but we both did find our 4 out of 4 person. I firmly believe that so many people divorce because they’re impatient and/or “heady” with love and settle for a 2 or 3, thinking the others will come with time. They almost never do.
It sounds like you were a 3 out of 4, and weren’t on the same page emotionally. I have no doubt you will someday find a man who is right there with you. Wishing you the best as your heart heals.
even sven, it’s so good not that you’re hurting (because hurting sucks) but that you have been able to see how the relationship isn’t working and decide that you need more. That takes strength.
I’m sorry that you’re hurting but I’m also impressed by you!