Whooooof. You’re being too nice to 'im, wring.
Those parents who say to me “Oh, my baby started sleeping through the night at three days! And he never cries in public, or even at home! And he’s always gurgling happily! And he changes his own diapers and takes the stinky ones outside, riding the dog in a harness he designed himself!” are DAMN close to being throttled to death.
And if they threw in “And it’s all because I’m SUCH A GOOD PARENT!” I’d remove their heads from their shoulders with one powerful wrenching twist.
– Uke, veteran of one colicky early-teether with Anger Issues and one terrifying premature birth ordeal