there’s two issues in play here. The picky eating is a side issue. the main issue is that people like that are self-centered, and probably act that way about a lot of things. Food is just the one you see the most often.
I mean, in the past when co-workers would drag people out for “group” lunches, if it was a place I wasn’t particularly interested in going to, I’d just excuse myself. No big deal.
Or weeklong trips with a group of 10 people and a 15 passenger van.
That would be great if the rest of us wanted to go to Mickey D’s (although he would go there, I only said he might suggest 7-11) It does not, however, work so well when the rest of us want to go to a Brazilian barbeque restaurant where he would either have to pay $30 and not eat or sit in the parking lot for a couple of hours. And it would be somewhat easier on us if we were ruder, because we can’t make ourselves do that to him and therefore we pass up most of the places we’d like to eat in favor of ChiliAppleFridays where he can get something that resembles fast food. Which would be fine if it were one meal occasionally- but it’s not. I don’t see why it’s so wrong to think that he should deal with the inconveniences his pickiness causes- whether it’s not going on the trip or trying food that’s out of his comfort zone.
Actually, Mr 7-11 isn’t an asshole or even rude. He just has a bad combination of being picky,oblivious and unable on some level to understand that his experiences and preferences aren’t universal- so he doesn’t really understand that the rest of us don’t like fast food and doesn’t actually notice that we’re passing up places we’d like to eat to accommodate him. And he really is oblivious. He once suggested something similar to your solution-he’d sit with us at the buffet place and we could stop and pick him up fast-food afterward- but he had no clue he would have to pay for the buffet before sitting down. It would be easier if he were an asshole- he just wouldn’t find out about the trips.
In much the same way, you seem to think your experience is universal. Sure, it's easy to avoid meals with picky eaters by joining them for less-than-day long activities. Or by going to a theme park or some other venue with a food court. And in your experience meals only take an hour and a half total -such a small part of the day.
And that’s some of my experience. But it’s not all of my experience. I also have experience with 4-7 day trips , involving groups of 4-10 people and a single vehicle, where breakfast will take an hour and dinner will take at least and hour and a half , with a schedule that doesn’t allow dropping the picky person off at the hotel before a meal or picking him up from it afterward. Under those circumstances, it is impossible to both avoid meals with the picky person and keep him from spending a lot of time in restaurant parking lots.
I’m not even sure how to respond to doreen’s myriad of dilemmas. I don’t if you’ve got a special snowflake* in extremis* on your hands or you’re exaggerating a bit or what, but I think we can all agree that yours is not a typical situation.
The whole thing is only as big a deal as you (again, general YOU) choose to make it. And again I say those with limited food tastes have a much more difficult time of it than you “flexible, adult” types . They can either be left out or go hungry, and either way they also get the added bonus of your judgmental attitude. Lucky them.
As with anything in life, deal with the people that are actually in your life; not the people you *wish *they were.
Okay, fine. But you have to admit, that’s not even close a usual or regular situation. I assume you’re not taking monthly weekend trips with this guy, or whatever. And I also agree that it’s up to him to prepare for his own meals for unusual events. Have him bring a cooler or something. I’m sure there’s a solution here.
I’ve been thinking about why this thread has got such a bee up my butt. My sister, who lives with me, and is my best friend, is a very picky eater (I’d say she has about 10 meals that could make up her dinner). I’ve seen people (usually my grandmother) call her out on it dozens of times, probably under the belief that she can shame my sister into eating instead of just sitting with us. It’s uncomfortable and rude. So I see this thread, and see people saying that we all need a new word to insult and label and demean her. Fuck that.
I think I’m probably done here, so to sum up my points (and a couple of other points I agree with):
Picky eating is not inherently rude. People can make it into something rude, but then their problem is that they’re rude, not that they’re picky.
Most picky eaters I know are anxious people who already feel singled out when they don’t want to be. Drawing attention to it with mean names is counterproductive.
Ugly labels for people demean them and separate them from others.
You have no idea why a person has food issues, and you’re not going to change the habits of someone already in their 30s. You’re definitely not going to do it through shame.
We all have issues for which others make accommodations. All of us. Yes, you too. It’s part of living in society. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live in a society that wouldn’t make accommodations for someone with differences.
Despite the outlying story about the picky eater who would only eat chicken nuggets but didn’t bother to tell anyone until they were midway to the Australian outback and made the whole car turn back around at gunpoint, this is not usually a difficult problem to solve.
Finally, picky eaters should plan for their own diets. They know mealtime is coming. And the group should not have to completely alter their plans. If a picky eater demands that everyone bows to their wishes, they are demonstratively rude. See point one.
Small Hen , big heart 
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A wonderful post that sums things up perfectly.
I’m sure it’s not typical in the sense that most people probably don’t go on days-long trips with picky eaters. I’m sure it’s not atypical in the sense that lots of people probably never get to go to some not terribly exotic restaurant with a particular group of friends because they don’t want to leave one person out.
As I said earlier
and apparently I’m judgmental if I get tired of accomodating a single person. My special snowflake is not rude or demanding , just oblivious. I have a problem with the idea that I’m judgemental if I get tired of accomodating or if I believe that perhaps he ought to alter his plans ( whether that be passing up the trip or aranging his own transportation) to accomodate his issue. I am well aware that it will never happen - but it doesn’t mean I’m judgmental for wishing it would.
Bolding mine.
Why don’t you clue him in? A person that is that much out of touch to not understand that 7-11 is not a good social gathering place for a group lunch could well use a bit of guidence.
We’ve tried- he just doesn’t seem to comprehend that his experiences/preferences in general are not universal and therefore doesn’t really understand that the rest of us eat fast food as a last resort rather than a first choice. So whenever he weighs in on where to eat , it will be 7-11 or fast food.
doreen - I feel your pain.
But this really says the issue you’re having is the obliviousness. The mealtime problems it causes for everybody else are just symptoms of obliviousness.
Sorta like the poster earlier in this thread who got tore up because their problem picky eater was a severely autistic kid. The cause is the autism, the mealtime crises are symptoms.
Maybe what the OP really needs is a one-word insult that means “socially oblivious.” Not that it’ll be effective when he/she launches it at the intended target.
If you have an allergy, fine.
If you tried it once and didn’t like it, fine.
If you got sick that last time you ate it and don’t want to ever eat it again, fine.
But if you refuse to try something just because you think it’s weird or foreign then you’re acting like a child and I don’t feel the need to accommodate you. Especially if there’s not much difference between what you’ll eat and what you won’t. You say you only like chicken if it’s a finger or tender, but won’t eat roast chicken or chicken fajitas? Give me a break.
The worst one’s are the chain snobs. McDonalds is the bomb but somehow Burger King is Satan’s flame broiled penis. Pizza Hut is to die for but Papa Johns is just a bloody cow pie by comparision. Coke vs Pepsi and so and so on.
this. I have a lot of friends who are extremely picky for one reason or another. There’s the woman who gets sick if she eats anything from corn or chicken, including corn syrup. If we go to a new restaurant, she will have a long, involved conversation with the waiter. There’s the woman with celiac disease, ditto. There’s the guy I went to dinner with at a place with a very broad menu, and after a lot of negotiation, he ordered a plate French fries and a coke.
None of these people are hard to eat with. They put modest restrictions on where the rest of us can eat, but usually, they can fend themselves and find stuff they are willing to consume. I am happy to eat with any of them. They are all fun people to be around. I’m picky in other ways, and they seem to able accommodate me, too.
I agree.
I like tandoori if it’s not too spicy, but the interior is always distinctly flavored. Same with other foods with spicy or seasoned skin. And cooked pepper flavor pervades the whole dish.
I’d rather eat with other picky eaters who tolerate my quirks than with someone who tells what i won’t notice. 
maybe geographic, that is an impressive list. I have only two adult friends anything like that (including French fry guy, above) and both are aware that they are very picky and that they will have to negotiate with any restaurant their friends might want to eat at.
OP here, pointing out that I never asked for an “insult,” just a label. 
Please don’t tell me labels are inherently insulting or derogatory, either. If I say, “Jane is a vegetarian,” then I am stating a fact (Jane does not consume meat) and maybe I think that’s a stupid restriction or maybe I admire her committment to animal rights, but either way those value judgements are not inherent to my statement of fact.
Picky eaters are deal breakers for me for romantic relationships. Now if they have a legitimate allergy, that is different. But people who won’t try new things annoy me.
My apologies at mischaracterizing your OP. You’re 100% correct.
In my meager defense, that was two weeks and 300 posts ago. I’ve been following the thread all along and many folks along the way have (rightly or wrongly) taken your OP to be demeaning to picky eaters. I fell for their atmospherics. Sorry.
FWIW my coinage was “PPE” for Pathological(ly) Picky Eater. To indicate somebody so far out of the norm that it causes problems for either them or their meal-mates. Why isn’t important, whether the PPE is happy or sad about their condition isn’t important, and whether it’s good or bad in anybody else’s eyes isn’t important.
Whaaaaaaat!?
Comparing an adult to a picky toddler isn’t an insult?:dubious:
There are plenty of words, such as, you know, “picky”. Or “finicky”. Or" has limited tastes". Let’s not pretend that an insult isn’t exactly what you’re looking for.
Today, the word for “GrumpyB is eating like a picky toddler” is “anaphylaxis”.
All of the “stations” (sandwiches, full hot meal, grill) in the office cafeteria are offering a special that contains tree nuts, which can kill me. I don’t trust them to not cross-contaminate.
So I’m having chicken fingers and onion rings. To be fair, they make really yummy chicken fingers.
If its actually a decent description of reality…no it isn’t.