So I am sitting in the D-FAC having lunch with some of the guys when Henderson comes back from patrol looking like he is about to bust a gut.
He hasn’t even bothered to take off his battle rattle when he comes up to the table and practically shouts "You’ll never guess what I saw a Haji do in town today!”
“There is nothing that could shock me” says Miller.
“I bet you ain’t seen nothing like this though” replies Henderson.
[spoiler]“We are walking down the street, by the intersection two blocks down from the market, and we see this Haji loading up a donkey cart with these boxes. I have no idea what is in them but you can tell from the way he is loading them on that they as heavy as a mother. I tell Sully who’s walking next to me, ‘There is no way that scrawny ass donkey, is going to pull that heavy wagon’ I mean that donkey would have needed steroids to budge that cart. But of course the Haji just keeps loading the boxes like he is filling up an 18 wheeler. Finally he puts one too many of these heavy boxes on and the donkey just gets lifted into the air like he was on a see saw and a fat kid just sat on the other side. Me and Sully are just shaking with laughter. Of course, the Haji just starts screaming at the donkey like it was the donkey’s idea to take flight. The boxes start to slide off the cart and the donkey just slams down to the street again. He is braying at the top of his lungs and just has the most confused looks on his face. If I had a camera and put that on you tube it would have gotten a billion hits.”
“That is great,” says Anderson, “Why can’t that stuff ever happen when I am on patrol?”
“That frigging idiot, that is the problem with this country in a nutshell,” opines Miller, “Nobody has any common sense, I tell you the moment we leave this place is going right back down the crapper.”
Zamperini, says “Yeah, the only ones who aren’t dumbs as doorknobs are the evil ones trying to kill everyone”
“What we should do is tell the evil ones to stop trying to kill us and we will take you with us when we leave.” Johnson says, pleased with himself. “I bet those bastards would jump at the chance to live in a civilized country for once.”
Richards suddenly comes to life and says forcefully, “ No way, these people have it too good here, there is no way they would leave.”
“What the hell are you talking about, living in a mud hut and crapping outdoors?” replies Johnson.
Richards smiles and says” When you are out on patrol next time, start looking, really looking at these people. Do they look unhappy to you? I notice things the rest of you knuckleheads don’t. I tell you these people are happier than most of people back in the states.”
Zamperini, pipes in “Are you nuts, I wouldn’t trade lives with any of those Hajis for a million dollars, cash”
“I bet they would say the same thing about you”, Richards says. “It is easy to see all the finer things they don’t have, but here is the thing you don’t see. When that numbnuts with the donkey arrives back at his hut, he walks in like a friggin king. His wife has his meal ready when he wants it. He don’t get any complaints from his old lady, he gets friggin respect.”
“Oh come on,” says Johnson “ You’re talking nonsense”
“Listen, when that guy walks into his little house, he has more swagger than Jay-Z walking into his mansion. When a guy back home walks into his house, he gots to take his shoes off at the door so he don’t mess up the carpet, he has to listen to his wife complain for a half hour before he can even sit down, and God help him if he acts bored during the litany. You guys who have never been married don’t know. When I was married I had to listen to the same stories about how horrible her co-workers were over and over again. I would rather be waterboarded than listen to my ex talk about her day again. You think that Haji ever had to listen to his wife complain for an hour before dinner. Hell, no.”
“Richards man, you couldn’t please your women, so you act like it is the fault of American women as a group” says Johnson. He loves to poke Richards when he starts going off.
“Please a women?, that shows just how little you know. Remember, I am the veteran here and you are the newbie. I was married for five years and you probably have never had a girlfriend more than six months. You believe me, outside of the bedroom there is no way to please a woman. Why I bet you Angelina Jolie is calling up her mother everyday complaining about being married to a rich, movie star any woman in the world would give her left nut to sleep with once. I bet she is on the phone like ‘Mom, if I see his socks on the damn bathroom floor one more time, I am just gonna lose it!’
And I bet Brad Pitt is like ‘Oh my God, maybe if we adopt another kids it will get her off my back about the freaking socks”
There just ain’t no such thing as pleasing a women, its like Bigfoot, entirely mythical.”
“With logic like that, it is shocking your wife lasted five years before kicking your butt out.” says Johnson.
“It was the worst day of my life and the best thing that ever happened to me. I am telling you when you guys get back home and see those little chickies in person and not just on Skype you whipped bastards will start envying these Hajis the life they lead. They do what they want when they want to do it and if the wifes unhappy about it that is her fault”
“When the wars over, Richards is gonna come back here with a big box of chocolates and some flowers and get his next ex wife here” says Johnson, almost giggling.
“You’re gonna need an awful lot of flower and chocolate to get a girl here with that ugly mug of yours.” laughs Zamperini.
“Talking to you guys is throwing pearls before swine.” Richards says with a half smile shaking his head.
Just then Henderson see a couple guys heading in for lunch, and yells “Manfriedi, Jonesy, you will never guess what I just saw a Haji do, you will not believe it."
[/spoiler]
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