Please, VOTE!! in the new poll of the SDMB Short Fiction Contest's Anthology Thread!!

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Anthology Thread of the SDMB Short Fiction Contest, Late 2012/Early 2013 edition. The poll will appear shortly.

A quick recap of the rules -

At 9 AM EST, Thursday, December 27th, 2012, I posted a link to a photo (found by random means) and also three words (again, obtained by random means) in an auto-reply message at sdmbpoetrysweatshop at gmail dot com. Writers then had 60 hours to write an original piece of short fiction, no more than 2,000 words in length, based in some way on that photo and those three words. All interested participants worked from the same compulsory material. The contest closed at 11:59PM EST, Monday, January 7th, 2013

A multiple choice poll will be established shortly to determine the readers’ favourite story. I would also ask voters to choose those stories that have incorporated the compulsory material in the most interesting manner. At the end of a week, the poll will close and we will declare a winner of the PoeHenryParkerSaki award.

The poll, once established, will be a secret ballot type poll. No one need ever know how you voted. I would, however, encourage everyone to please vote. You are providing an important source of feedback to the writers.

Readers’ comments are enthusiastically encouraged!!
The compulsory material is -

The Photograph

and the following three words -
Mansion
Arrive
Finer

And now, here are the stories that this contest has produced. I want to point out - the authors’ user names are in spoiler boxes at the end of the stories. Please do not be fooled by the fact that they appear in ‘replies’ sent by me - only one of these stories is mine.

Enjoy!

Le Ministre de l’au-delà

Browne Christmas

** The Good Student**

Tahafut al-Himar

Beast of Burden
Hong Bloody Kong, December 1904

Well, Mother, I’ve managed to arrive in Hong Kong and I’ll not lie to you, it’s an awful bloody place and I’m sure I’ll either be dead or in gaol by the end of the day. I know you have me out here with the best of intentions I’m near crippled and Jardine is likely to kill me over the state of his donkey and his good foreskins all over the bloody place. And I might come clean while I’m confessing, I’m in a saloon and I’m drinking what money I have until it’s spent or I’m too drunk to know the difference, one or the other. I’ll seek out a priest for Confession maybe after I’m done but I wouldn’t put too much money on the likelihood of finding one or, for that matter, too much faith in the quality of any priest who’d stay in an awful heathen hellhole like this. I’ll write down what happened here so at least you’ll know what became of the youngest son you sent away alone over to the other side of the bloody world, though I want you to feel no guilt or pain when I’m dead and gone for you were only doing what you thought was right though I notice you were in no rush to get on the boat yourself.

The crossing over was what you said it would be - like a watery Gomorrah. I’ll not abuse you too much with the tales of what I saw and heard but suffice it to say I was left with little choice but to evacuate my berth and sleep below close to the livestock to get away from the antics of my shipmates. The day I came back up from Mass to find one of them plunging into some friendly young trollop, god forgive me, his bare white arse flying up and down like a steam piston, I turned on my heel and I lived with the beasts from that moment on since I thought they could be no worse and at least I wouldn’t have to listen to them. And still, the things I saw down there, with some of them sailors and the way they conduct themselves would turn your hair green. But of course they’re British and like you said you can expect no better from an uncivilised people and sailors at that so I near rubbed my rosary smooth and prayed that hell would not go too uncomfortable for them, and I passed the weeks until we arrived here at Hong Kong.

Hong Kong means fragrant harbour, did you know that? Fragrant my arse, God forgive me, the whole place smells like a barnyard full of devils. Must be some class of a joke when they named the place maybe. I was gasping for air and sweating like a whore in Mass by the time I got to the lodging house. Mrs Feely, a lady from Wicklow, seemed very nice and got me settled and introduced me to some of the other lodgers. One man, a Mr Warne, also worked at Jardine’s and he offered to take me over there. He seemed a decent sort for all that he was English and I agreed and that’s where my mistake was for it turns out he was English through and through and no more to be trusted than any of them.

But still, I traipsed over there with him, sweating like a bull in a jersey the whole way. I had remembered what you said about the heathen Chinese and always to look out for myself so I had borrowed Mrs Feely’s breadknfe as the only stout piece of steel in her scullery. Not much use as a weapon, for sure, but I thought maybe there was a chance none of the Chinese savages would have seen good steel before and if they didn’t run away screaming I could maybe barter with it for my life.

So we gallivanted through the streets towards the harbour and I swear you never saw the like of the people there. All the heathen Chinese, of course, and their language is like the babble of demons. They seem to live in the streets for they have everything out in the open, it seems like. You can look right into their houses for they haven’t invented the front wall as far as I can see. The shops have all their goods hanging outside and some of them are entirely queer. The butcher’s, I suppose it must have been, had the meat freshly slaughtered just hung outside the door as a feast for the flies but nobody seemed to mind so I just sauntered on, but I kept my hand on the hilt of that bread knife. And them there’s the shops selling petrified sharks and skeletons and nefarious powders and potions and who knows except maybe human flesh and souls and tickets to the afterlife? A wicked place, and I said as much to Warne but he didn’t reply, just gave me a nod and a smile.

We arrived at Jardine’s offices and I was glad to get into it. Away from the stink and the sweat and all the heathenish babble, the place was like a mansion. We had to go up a mile of stairs to get to Mr Jardine’s office, and he already had the letter of introduction from Uncle Michael. A huge man, he is, horrible-looking too, with a shiny head as bald as an egg and great big red lips like slabs of liver. He leaned right over his big desk at me and looked me up and down like I was a sample of something sinful. ‘You’re Irish, he said at last, and I couldn’t speak but I managed to shake my head in agreement. ‘Drunks and fanatics,’ he said, and I thought it best to agree again. This seemed to satisfy whatever was in him and he turned to Warne and told him to take me to the loading bay. I was glad to be away from the horrible old hellion for I never met a man that scared me so much. He has a cold cast of wickedness about him, I said to Warne, and he sucked air through his lips and twitched his little English eyes this way and that and he leaned over to me and he said, ‘He hates the Irish. Rumour has it his daughter was seduced by a fellow from Dublin and he’s been murder on them ever since.’ I expressed a lack of surprise at this, being well used to the English and their perfidy, but Warne took me by the lapel and pulled me in close. ‘Rumour has it,’ he said, and I could smell the drink on his breath even as he imparted this new, terrible secret, ‘that he killed the last chap, O’Brien, just for loading the donkey wrong.’

I backed away and shook my head.’ You’re after making a fool of me,’ I said. ‘Sure nobody would…’

Warne interrupted. ‘Don;t say it out loud, for Christ’s sake,’ he said, looking around him like he was on the run. ‘Spies everywhere.’ I looked around too. I told myself I ‘d do well to take this man’s advice for he had no reason to do me wrong despite being English. We walked on and he told me the terrible news that I’d been assigned the job of loading the donkey - the same donkey the unfortunate O’Brien had been martyred over.

‘Loading donkeys?’ I said. ‘But I came here on the understanding I was to be made some class of a clerk or manager. A job with prospects I was told…’

‘And you have it,’ he said. ‘But this is the test. He makes all the Irish fellas do it.’ He stopped and turned to me, tapping a finger to his skull. ‘He’s mad, mate. Lunatic. Just keep him happy.’

I cosidered my options and I was close to telling them to stick their job up their arse and running off but, what was I to do? Here I am in a heathen nation (that you sent me to though I want you to feel no guilt over the terrible effects of your actions, effects which may well destroy me but no need to worry for sure you have two other sons still there on the farm and I’m sure you have no intention of sending them off around the world like you did to me) a clatter of oceans away from home. Where am I to go?

When I turned up at the docks, sure enough there was a fine-looking donkey there, a cart behind him, a heap of bundles beside them. And a group of the sorriest-looking individuals you can imagine waiting as though for a show. ‘They want to see you work,’ said Warne. ‘They’re afraid of what the old man’ll do if you foul the loading.’

You well know, Mother, that I’m not scared of work, so I looked at the stacks of skins and bundles on the ground and I prepared to fall to. ‘What are these anyway?’ I asked Warne as I rolled my sleeves up. ‘Foreskins,’ he said, ‘have you loaded them before?’ I had no desire to look unworldly in front of an Englishman, so I replied, ‘Certainly I have, I’ve traded foreskins with the best of them. A finer skin I’ve never felt.’

‘Well then,’ he said, ’you should have no bother.’

I started. The men were friendly enough, although I saw much money trading hands and there was banter of a foul sort as I worked. The stack on the cart was already head-high when some of the men went off and strike me if they didn’t come back with another load of those infernal foreskins. ‘Lord God,’ says I, ‘you’ll kill me.’

Warne stepped up. ‘Don’t stop now, for the love of Christ,’ he said, ‘for here cmes the boss.

I looked up and right enough, stepping out like Lucifer himself with a stout stick in his hand was old Jardine, and I fell to stacking that next lot of foreskins as quickly as I could. I could hear the cart creaking as I threw them on, the sweat tripping me and my arms like lead weights, but the fear of that old bastard kept me throwing them foreskins up like they were nothing.

I had nearly finished the lot when I saw the stack on the cart start to rise before me and I thought I must be hallucinating in the heat but sure enough I’d overloaded the cart and the weight was hauling the poor auld donkey up in the air. The men around me it was like they’d seen the second coming as they all burst into laughs and shouts and one man started shouting that he’d won. I had no time to worry about that though for on the other side of me I could hear old Jardine roaring about his donkey and I could see the big cudgel in his hand, ready, no doubt, to strike me down. He only thought I had was to get that donkey back on earth where it belonged so I reached out and I pulled two of the bales of foreskins out from the bottom and maybe a couple of dozen toppled off with them. The cart righted itself suddenly and the donkey was deposited back on the ground.

There’s a horrible sound, though, when a donkey’s legs break. Like a wet snap. Four of them, too, as his legs all broke in concert. There was a moment of silence, and I don’t know what happened after that for I ran away to here and here I’ll stay until the next ship or drunkenness or death takes me because there’s nothing for me in Hong Bloody Kong but foreskins and beatings and jail.

Your son,

Liam


The Mighty Boosh

May you be uplifted by your burdens

** The Surprise Party **

** A date for a nativity donkey **

** A Finer Miner? **

** God Another Story **

** Fear is a humor **

** Secret Samadhi **

** Grave Secrets **

** The Lunch **

Okay, here we are in a new thread, with a fresh, multiple-choice poll.

I thought it might be best if we just closed the old thread and posted our new votes and comments in this thread. The old thread can still be found at this link.

I usually thank The Mods towards the end of the Short Fiction contest, but I feel I have to say a special thanks to Marley23, twickster and ellencherry right here and now. Messing up the poll was entirely my fault, but the Mods came through and fixed the problem that I had created. My fervent thanks and a bouquet of Martian Fire Flowers to all of you.

And now, on with the contest.

Sorry, I should have also mentioned - I’m hoping that the two people who voted in the last poll will vote again in this one. Because it’s an anonymous poll, I don’t know who they were, or I’d send them a PM… So far, that’s the best solution I’ve thought of.

Much better to have the multiple-choice thread, so thanks to all concerned for fixing it. One little thing - my story’s disappeared. It’s been replaced by a duplicate of ‘May you be uplifted…’ Can it be replaced without lots of trouble? No big deal if not, since this poll has obviously caused enough bother already!
I’ll read the stories fully over the weekend, hopefully, but I have started and I’ve been seriously impressed / intimidated by how imaginative the responses have been.

Not a little thing at all - I quite liked your story. And of all the stories to have duplicated…

I’ve asked the Mods to fix it, when they get a chance.

The correct story is now in place.

I’ve read through all the stories at least once, and I’m slowly coming around to being able to comment on them. I won’t be able to mention more than a few at a time - this is a busy week. However, here goes -

Browne Christmas I thought this captured the mood wonderfully - everything about this office and the unforeseen consequences of dropping the Christmas bonus rang true. I also liked it that the photo was referred to in passing as an e-mail joke forward, and yet it accurately described the feelings of the narrator.

The Good Student And here, the donkey works well as the central metaphor of the story. I thought the atmosphere of the hostel/school was very well done, with the fierce competition and the gradual attrition of the students being worked in thoroughly without becoming too blatant.

Tahafut al-Himar My guitar teacher is absolutely dotty about the folk tales of Nasreddin, and I thought this writer captured the spirit of those tales wonderfully. The donkey as a Holy Fool, oblivious to the danger it is in, was a very endearing protagonist. I thoroughly enjoyed this one.
I have to run; more later.