Similar to this thread about pregnancy message boards, I am irked with wedding boards today!
I don’t know if I’m just spoiled rotten by this board, but so many of the people on the wedding boards I frequent are just so insipid! I do love a lot of the ideas and vendor reviews, so I keep going back, but I get so annoyed at the forced supportiveness, as well as the bridal feeding frenzy anytime someone posts an opinion against the majority.
What frustrates me the most is that I actually do have fairly strong opinions on some bridal hot topics such as open vs. cash bars, donations in lieu of favours, Friday/long weekend weddings, and programs. I really love reading what others have to say on those topics, and do not feel that people who have different opinions than me on those topics are bad, wrong, or evil. But what I hate is that so many times someone will post saying “What do you think of this? Be H0Nest!!!1!!!1one” and then 10 people will post cooing about how wonderful it is, then one person will say they don’t think it’s great because of x, y, and z, and the whole board will strangle the poor girl with her own veil before she can even defend herself!
I know I’m opening myself up to the same by posting this in the pit, but for the most part, people here are at least capable of comprehending that another person’s differing opinion is not an automatic condemnation of the original thought, and I really needed to vent somewhere where at very least I can hope to be beat up intelligently, rather than drowned in a pool of confetti and champagne for daring to remove my Stepford smile and disagree with someone.
There’s loads of wedding-related threads around here. You might be happier to search 'em up instead of going back to the bride boards.
And for those of you thinking of reading that linked thread in the OP, stop now and have a nice glass of water instead. They ended up talking about mucus. Ew!
So Elret, why don’t you dump those insipid losers on the wedding boards and start a wedding questions thread here (if you got a rant in it) or in MPSIMS or IMHO instead? Just because we’re forthright, articulate, well-informed, broad-minded, witty and cute doesn’t mean we can’t discuss wedding etiquette with the best of them, ya know. (Elitist? Moi?)
P.S.: Wry babe, the OP’s linked thread is an SDMB thread. Where else could you hope to find a forthright, articulate, well-informed, broad-minded, witty and cute discussion of mucus?
I don’t know which boards you’re frequenting, but I had one board that I loved and still go to (although I got married four months ago). However, I’m finding my patience wearing thin at the attitude problems from a lot of the brides - 80% of the girls are mature and level-headed, but it’s that other 20% that I’m sick of seeing. We had a large, somewhat lavish wedding, and loved every second of it, but as my best friend and MOH will tell you, most of my stresses from the wedding had to deal with making sure everyone else was happy, not making US happy (if that was the case, we would have eloped to Vegas with ten friends like we’d originally planned). I spent a lot of time trying to make sure that our wedding party, family, and friends would be happy and comfortable.
Phrases that if I hear them again before I die, it will be too soon:
“It’s your wedding! Do what you want!”
“Screw them! You’re the bride!”
“Etiquette is stupid! I’m not following etiquette! I can put my registry cards in the invitations!”
“I hate my MOH! She’s such a bitch! She won’t help me pick out dresses/make favors/sell plasma to help me pay for the wedding!”
I still see a very similar problem to what you’ve described - people asking for opinions on the most horrid etiquette breaches, and getting pissed off when you tell them that what they’re planning goes against etiquette. Luckily, the board I frequent has some major etiquette mavens (one who’s on the SDMB, too, and is the Queen of Etiquette - I bow to her for all decisions), but even they are fairly outnumbered.
I still have a few friends I want to see married off, but after that happens, I may be taking a permanent break from the board. It’s better than The Knot or the WC boards, but still has it’s moments.
I know nothing about putting a wedding together, but I was Best Man for a college friend’s wedding last year, and discovered the site www.etiquettehell.com while helping them. It seems to be a relatively level-headed, rational bunch over there, and they don’t want to fall into the “Bridezilla” stereotypes that are too often based on truth.
You guys are right, I would probably be better off just coming here. The reason I keep getting sucked back is because I’m getting area specific advice which has actually ended up landing me some deals.
But Elza, you nailed it. Every single one of the things you posted are exactly what make me feel like someone is driving nails into my eyeballs. Especially the “my” day thing. If it is “my” flippin day, then why would I be throwing a party for 200 other people? As long as my guests have fun and I end up married, I’ll consider it a success.
I post to the same board as Elza B mentioned and I do see those same annoyances – in fact, I suspect I’m the etiquette-head she mentioned so flatteringly. I still post there, because I really love etiquette… Also, I’m in the midst of starting a wedding and events planning business with a friend, so it’s an appropriate place for me to hang out.
You know another two things I see on the wedding boards that drive me crazy? The she’s-stealing-my-spotlight nonsense in which the bride becomes massively hostile because someone in their circle – however distantly related – dares to choose a wedding date within 2 months of their sacred wedding date. Also, I hate the way every adverse reaction on the part of anybody connected with a bride is attributed to jealousy of the bride. Your maid of honor refuses to take 3 days off work without pay in order to drive 600 miles to check out your destination wedding location? She must be jealous! Your sister doesn’t want to have stomach stapling surgery in order to fit into the Paris-Hilton-designed bridesmaid dress you picked out? She must be jealous! Your mother didn’t immediately burst into tears when you tried on your dream dress? She must be jealous! Because all living, breathing organisms must be jealous of brides, right?
The latest vomit inducing thread on the pregnancy board I whined about had to do with a poster insisting her friend, who had apparently been disowned by her entire family, MUST have a baby shower and honestly asked if there was a place she could hire “friends” to attend (I guess the woman didn’t have any friends either).
[QUOTE=Jess]
I post to the same board as Elza B mentioned and I do see those same annoyances – in fact, I suspect I’m the etiquette-head she mentioned so flatteringly. I still post there, because I really love etiquette… Also, I’m in the midst of starting a wedding and events planning business with a friend, so it’s an appropriate place for me to hang out.
[QUOTE]
Can someone post a link to this wedding board? I’ll be starting to plan my own pretty soon, and I’d like to see some other perspectives.
Also, I’m putting my bridesmaids in black, and I don’t care what anyone says! It’s not bad luck, dammit!
You’ve got the right attitude, if you ask me. That’s what we did. It’s funny, the most expensive part of our wedding was the catering and the alcohol - because those are the things that my family and friends remember most. If the food sucks, they REMEMBER it. And we wanted them to have a good time and eat well. We figured if our guests were happy, we’d be happy.
There’s one girl on the board for whom I have to bite my tongue every time I see her. She is the CHEAPEST bride I’ve ever seen - okay, so the cash bar is done some places. Whatever. But she also made most of her guests STAND because she didn’t want to pay to rent chairs for them during the ceremony. And her sister, who had an elopement, asked to have ONE picture taken of her and her husband by the photographer - the girl said NO because she wanted the photographer on HER all day. I mean, holy shit. My best friend, whose wedding I was IN, and who I know had gorgeous pictures, as I saw them and was in some of them, asked if she could have our photographer take a picture of her and her husband - I was kind of surprised she even asked, as she knew I’d say yes.
The fact is, while I did stress over a lot of issues, most of them were in regards to my guests’ happiness. And when the day rolled around, I had the most relaxing, happy day - everyone was shocked because I was running around with a huge smile on my face before the ceremony and I was incredibly relaxed. Umm, shouldn’t a bride BE happy on her wedding day?
You’re going about it the right way. Don’t let it get to you.
Yeah, I remember that bride… I wanted to smack her in the head. So silly – especially the wedding photography thing. I mean, it’s standard procedure for wedding photographers to take formal pictures of each individual family within the bride and groom’s family. But that bride flat-out said that she wanted the photographers camera pointed directly at her every sngle minute. She was just a pig, that girl.
The etiquette prohibition against wearing black has nothing to do with bad luck. Black is the color of mourning and is, according to standard etiquette in our society, thought inappropriate for weddings. This is one of those fading rules, though. Most etiquette authorities have sanctioned black for bridesmaids, if the bride wishes it, and for guests – at formal evening weddings, at least. The strictest etiquette authorities (read: Miss Manners) still don’t like it, though. Me, I don’t wear black or white to a wedding – but then, I’m a bit of a purist.
The Swarm. This may sound sexist, but the only time I’ve experienced The Swarm firsthand was on bulletin boards that are dominated by women. Post an inoffensive dissenting opinion about a non-hot button issue on a message board where participants include a good balance of both sexes, or a male-dominant board, and most times nothing much will come of it.
This is based on my experience, of course. I’ve never participated on pregnancy/wedding/child rearing/survivor/angels/glurge boards, so maybe – hopefully – reality is different, and it’s not just a “girl thing.”
Thanks for sending the link, Jess! I can’t access that e-mail (I’m at work), but I’ll take a look over the weekend.
I’ve worn black to formal weddings, but not for an informal or daytime wedding, though. I wouldn’t wear white, though. That still seems like something only the bride should be wearing, and it seems in bad taste to do that.
The wedding is in winter, and will be indoors (it’ll be in NH), so I won’t have to worry about anyone broiling in a black dress in the sun, which would have been a concern. I just think it will look nice, as I will be wearing a white dress (pure white, not ivory or whatever other almost-white colors wedding dresses come in). Also, I won’t have to worry so much about coordinating colors of flowers or the men’s tux vests, etc. The groom can choose whatever color he wants for the men, too (if not straight black and white, then probably a dark green)
Another wedding rant - to look at a lot of wedding sites, just those with info and advice and such, you have to register, and are forever afterward spammed with all manner of wedding poop. Grrrrr…
I’d call you the etiquette maven, and I suspect a few others would agree. You can give Miss Manners a run for her money:).
And the "Omigod she’s having her wedding three weeks after mine and I hate her and I can’t believe she’s trying to steal my thunder and no one’s going to come to my wedding because they’re going t hers!"thing is my biggest pet peeve. Get the FUCK over it. Life does not revolve around YOU.
I’m so glad you know who I’m talking about - It still drives me nuts.
My bridesmaids wore black - in the broiling Labor Day sun (oops…) - and I thought it looked quite gorgeous. They all wore the same skirt but chose their own tops, and it was a neat look.
If you want pics, let me know - I’ll email them to you.
(Elitist? Moi?)