Hubby and I weren’t really fussed on cars, but decided to compromise for the sake of the look of the thing- we found a classic car enthusiast who occasionally rents out his cars for weddings, at about 1/4 of the cost of a regular limo or wedding car.
So, I arrived at the church in a vintage Riley, not unlike this, and the bridesmaids arrived in a vintage Jaguar. I know it’s probably too late for you, dauerbach, but is there any chance that a local vintage car enthusiast would have something suitable for less money?
I’m not getting married. Can’t be my Mom he’s talking about, then.
Only thing that works for my Mom is a dose of “yes, I hear you and I’m sure you’re right, I’m still going to try it my way and if later I decide to change it to your way you’re allowed to say ‘I told you so’ but only once.” But then, Dad’s whole side of the family is from a place where Parliament used to answer “we obey but can not comply” when the King sent orders that were against the law… we can be a tad stubborn.
How many more time do we have to repeat this basic concept?
(There were no limos at my wedding because there really wasn’t a need for them. Both the ceremony and the reception were at a hotel, and the future mrs. gnu stayed there the night before, and we stayed there the night after. But if the bride wanted a frikkin’ limo she coulda gotten one. I got to the wedding in a her sister’s Wrangler.)
“Okay, I don’t know why this limo thing is such a sticking point — and stop talking, because I don’t care any more. The important thing is that it is a sticking point. You aren’t going to agree, and you aren’t going to compromise. So it seems to me that the only alternative left is physical violence. You have to fight it out in order to identify a winner. So. Here’s a butcher knife for you, and a butcher knife for you. I’ll be over here with a hose and a few towels. Let me know when one of you is victorious.”
How much do you play into her fantasy of never being wrong? Do you regularly and strongly call her on the things that she is wrong about, or do you take the path of least resistance and just be quiet and let her think everything’s okay? Are you happy being married to someone who, frankly, sounds quite unpleasant?
Best advice anyone can give you for any situation - you can’t change anyone else, but you can change your own reaction to them.
Your wife sounds like a pain in the nuts. Does she repond at all to an appeal from authority? Because I could easily find you several sites howing that a limo is a normal wedding expense. In fact, one limo is a bit on the frugal side given your budget and the presumed elaborateness of the wedding.
Don’t worry, They will work it out with a lot of drama and crying.
Your wife is trying to draw a line. This far and no further. She is the top lioness and no matter what, even though this is your daughter’s big day, Mom wants daughter to know that MOM is still in charge.
It’s not about the money, it is about the power to say NO. I’m the mommy and I said so.
Zebra Has it right. The fact that she is still digging her heels in even after the in-laws have offered to pay means that she just want control. It is not about the money.
Is she on good terms with the in-laws and/or the groom? Maybe they could talk to her themselves. I know my husband can melt my mom and dad in a way I can’t. If he can’t convince her maybe his parents could call her themselves and say something like ‘We realize this may be a little extravagant but this is something we really want to do as a token of love for your daughter’. Would she really turn them down? She might give in then just to save face to the in-laws. That’s if the in-laws are good sports and willing to try that with her.
Well, the way it ended up is that my daughter took the high road and decided what many people have been saying, that you can’t control another’s actions but can control how you react. So, although she is less than pleased, she is going to just go in the our car.
Once again, I have always felt that a limo was pretentious and unneccessary, but wanted to pay for it to make her happy.
How very sad for your daughter that she has such a selfish and hateful mother, and a father who won’t stand up for her against such blatantly nasty bullshit. That the two of you are willing to deprive her of something that’s clearly important to her, on a day that is supposed to be about her, that someone else is willing to pay for is utterly disgusting.
I wish her well in her new life with the new family she’ll be forming. Don’t be too surprised to find yourself excluded from much of it in the future.
I agree with Dung Beetle. He’s hardly ruined “her” big day after laying out 25K for the wedding. The mom is a control freak for sure and a major psycho for putting a foot down about a limo someone else is paying for but cutting your parents off for not giving you a limo after they just shelled out 25 thousand dollars! If I tried something like that my parents would smack me upside the head back to the 3rld world, and by Straight Dope standards I am a totally spoiled child with overly generous parental units.
