My daughter is getting married. The whole thing is costing around 25K. We can afford it, although it is a significant dent in our savings. My daughter desperately wants a Limo. She will settle for a town car. The cost for that is around $250. My wife thinks it is a totally unneccesary expense. I agree, but it is so important to my daughter that I would be willing to spring for it. My wife insists it is absolutely superfluous and, if it is so important, let them pay for it themselves. She would still be furious about it though. To make matters worse, the grooms parents have agreed to pay for it, which will send my wife through the roof. Did I mention both are borderline psychotic as the July 1, 2006 date approaches? Does anyone have any advice at all on how I can diffuse this simple matter that is threatening to significantly diminish the enjoyment of the wedding? I am really at my wits end. I try to talk to to my wife and she yells. I try to talk to my daughter and she crys. I am not a happy camper.
Your family is insane. Run away.
I understand that. It is too late to run. And I am way too slow.
Maybe you could hide under the bed and let your wife and daughter tear each other to shreds…I mean work it out. My condolences.
The beauty of being male is that weddings plan themselves. Stay out of it, have a beer, let the women sort it out. Write the checks, attend the ceremony, and enjoy yourself.
OK let me understand this, the wedding is costing you over $25,000…and 250 for a car is an unneeded expense? I’d tell your wife to get over it and let your daughter enjoy her day her own way. And if someone else has agreed to pay for it, it’s not her concern what the cost is.
There you have my 2 cents, hope it’s not superfluous.
$250 more or less seems extremely minor when you’re talking about a 25K wedding.
If MY parents spent $25K on my wedding, I would GLADLY pay for the car myself.
I would suggest to your daughter that she and her husband rent the car themselves if it is that important to them.
(By the way, I agree with your daughter - it would be a very nice way to arrive at, and leave, the church and reception).
I thought this would be a story that illustrated the Gay Marriage Menace.
Take the $250 you would have spent on the limo and go stay in a hotel until the ceremony? Show up just in time to walk the bride down the aisle?
Take the $250 you would have spent on the limo, stay slightly lit at all times between now and then?
I don’t understand this argument. I’m all for doing weddings in moderate style financially (my daughter is getting married later this year), but the bride has to be transported to the wedding, and the married couple has to be transported from the wedding. That’s going to cost something, because it can’t be in something as mundane as their ordinary car – and they traditionally can’t drive themselves. So what’s the big deal about spending 1% of the wedding’s cost on bridal transportation? Especially if someone else has offered to pay.
It’s really none of your wife’s business what other people choose to spend their money on. If your daughter’s in-laws are willing to gift the kids with a town car for their wedding, your wife has absolutely no say whatsoever in that.
That she is willing to destroy the joy and happiness of the day for her own daughter, over her personal principals about other people’s “superfluous” spending, is disgusting. But obviously telling her that her behavior is both rude and inappropriate aren’t going to matter a hill of beans to her, let alone solve the problem.
I’d suggest calmly reminding her that she can’t dictate what other people spend. Additonally, it’s her daughter’s wedding, not hers, so her daughter is the one who gets to plan the wedding she wants, not the one her mother wants her to have – so long as those plans stay within the agreed-to budget. And someone else’s contributions aren’t hers to comment on one way or the other.
Then plan a spa day for your wife and daughter. Give them an afternoon where they can get massages, facials, manicures, whatever will make them feel all relaxed and girly and calm again.
If she brings up the issue to you at any time, simply refuse to discuss it. It’s not your business. If she starts yelling, leave the room or the house, if necessary. Just make it clear that the subject is off limits and eventually she’ll have no choice but to drop it (let’s hope!).
Best of luck and Congratulations!
Is the actual spending of the money why she’s in a snit? Or does she object because a limo would seem to ostentatious? If so, still not something she should decide, but something she’s allowed to have an opinion on.
Q: Is your wife the wedding planner? Is she the one getting married?
Beyond possible seating arrangement issues, she needs to back off big-time. This is your daughters day. If its still possible for you to explain that to her without her chasing you around the house with cooking knives, then you need to do so.
If not, you need to remove her from the issue…and possibly from the geography. Write your daughter a check and take your wife away to a hotel for a month. (I hear Canada is nice this time of year, and you can Fed-X her passport home after she arrives) Then, you romance the living hell out of her. (You always promised her you would one day, didn’t you?)
Basically, you’re saying, “Honey, sure you’re Bat Shit Crazy, but I still love you. And I want you around me; not scrawling wedding ideas on rubber walls with a crayon between your toes. Its time for you to let your daughter go. So, yell at the waiter. Berate your cabana boy. But leave your daughter’s wedding alone. Say, isn’t this place nice? Sure its expensive…and I could have saved a lot just by getting 3 doctors signatures on commitment forms. But I figure you’re Worth it.”
If your future in-laws are paying for it tell your wife that they’re paying for it so what’s the point of throwing a fuss over something you’re not shelling out for? To make a point?
If your in-laws back out you can either spring for $250 more or tell your daughter that you just dropped 25K on a wedding that’s putting a dent in your savings.
You know, I have really really generous parents too and next Sunday is my sister’s very expensive wedding…when my parents told her they didn’t want to spend additional thousands on centrepieces but put it towards her actual wedding present, she said “okay”. So now we have coconut centrepieces (whatever, we’re Indian) because my dad likes coconuts. In fact, she shrugged her shoulders and said “okay” about 98% of times my parents spoke up about the cost-sure it’s your “big” day but when your parents are shelling out tens of thousands for your wedding don’t you owe them less drama & entitlement, more loving compromise?
This is so wrong. Cut them off a nice thick slice of shut-the-fuck-up. Carrying on like this over an overly-expensive party, bitching about problems that don’t exist, and pretending any of it matters is something I have no patience for. Shame on them.
I’m with Kalhoun on this one. I think both of them have lost sight of the big picture.
Advice-wise? I’m not sure how to get them to tune back in. Maybe show them this thread.
My word. Some perspective would be nice. Perhaps they’d like a quick jaunt down to New Orleans to help with Katrina relief? An AIDS hospice? Or a nice wartorn African country or something? $250 on an $25K wedding is a pittance, and it’s on something that most people would be expecting at a wedding anyway I mean, we’re not talking $250 on bathroom mints or anything outrageous. $250 sounds about right for a limo, and it’s pretty standard at weddings these days.
That said, it’s always a bad idea to get between stubborn women, especially a mother and daughter. I’ll bet dollars to donuts that this isn’t about the limo at all, but about some power struggle they’ve had going for years that you might not even know about.
[Armchair Freud] I’ll further bet that some of this is your wife freaking out a bit over her baby “going away”. Interesting that she’s chosen the vehicle - the literal thing that will Take Her Baby Away - as her sticking point. She could be throwing a fit over any of a hundred other things y’all are spending money on, but the car is the issue. Verrrry interestink. [/AF]
Your wife needs to butt out. She sounds like a real busybody. Why the hell should she care?
Beautifully put. Print this out and leave it somewhere for your wife to read.
Unfortunately, my wife can be most irrational at times, and this is one of them. My daughter readily admits that she is spoiled, but this is very important to her. I have tried to reason with her. Bottom line is, that if a Limo shows up, paid for by anyone, she will be pissed off because they didn’t listen to her. A further problem is that my daughter has let her do a large number of things about the wedding is not complaining about some of them. I think Canada is a good idea.