Naw, that’s much too complicated.
A new register would open up and the new line would move faster than either of yours.
If a task needs doing late in the evening, you feel tired. Even if you don’t normally go to bed until far later. So you can be doing laundry at 11pm and be wiped, even though your normal bedtime is around 1am.
A bus only turns up when you light a fag. Doesn’t matter how long you’ve stood at the stop, it’ll only poll up when you’ve lit up.
The only barber who knows how to trim my beard properly is the only one whose chair is occupied.
The light always turns red just as I pull up to the intersection (this is literally true at one intersection I use regularly).
Shoes on sale never include size 13.
Cocoa tastes better with whipped cream and/or marshmallows on it.
And if you move to another line, that line will slow down and the one you were in will speed up.
And if it’s your last cigarette it will show up before you get the second puff inhaled.
You can be driving home on deserted roads, or walking on deserted sidewalks, and there will be one car or one person around to get in your way. Always. It’s like somebody somewhere sees that you are just cruising, and that MUST NOT BE ALLOWED TO HAPPEN.
When you are young with long hair, everyone bitches about your hippie hair.
When you are older, hair buzzed down to long stubble, everyone bitches about how you had such long beautiful hair.
When you’re in high school, you can’t wait to grow up and get a job.
Sigh.
When you finally have some $$ to spend on yourself (thanks, Grandma!) you won’t find anything worth spending it on. If you’re broke, the stores are bursting with cute clothes and you can think of 10 books you’d like to have.
If you dress for the weather, the weather will change. If you dress for the changing weather, the weather will remain the same.
It’s an example of “constants aren’t; variables don’t.”
If you buy the 2L milk carton, you’ll only use half and throw the rest out when it spoils three weeks later. So then you buy the 1L milk carton, end up using it up in three days and curse yourself for not buying the 2L instead… and the cycle begins all over again.
Little marshmallows make cocoa taste better than big marshmallows.
No matter how clean your house is, your mother will inevitably find the one dusty patch you overlooked when she comes to visit.
The availability of ingredients at the grocery store is inversely proportional to how badly you need them - if it’s easy to substitute and just being used for a weekday dinner, there will be tons (and it will be on sale)… if you desperately need it as the key ingredient for a dinner party for the boss who doesn’t like you much, it’ll be sold out in every single store within a 10 mile radius.
But when you do, in fact, run out of salt you keep forgetting to pick it up at the store, because nobody ever runs out of salt.
Corollary: the likelihood of the show’s being worked to death by constantly having to oppose highly rated shows on other networks increases with its popularity. Thus more popular unconventional shows disappear marginally faster than less popular ones, which at least get a chance to build audience by staying in one slot (even if the total audience is smaller).
Chad’s rule of packing (so called because it was stated by my freshman floor-mate Chad): You can always fit one more t-shirt.
Fachverwirrt’s corollary: You can always fit one more pair of boxers.
Shortly after codifying these rules, I used them to spectacular effect. Packing at the end of my freshman year of college, I discovered that my suitcases were all thoroughly stuffed, and I still had two pillows to pack. So I removed all my t-shirts and boxers, packed the pillows, and re-packed the t-shirts and boxers. Worked like a charm.
Hie thee to John Lewis. You can get extra long beds there. But the big problem I have with long beds is that they can be difficult to fit in a room: you’ve got to add 2’6" to ensure that the bedroom door can fully open.
All of the really attractive clothes are in the petites department – especially if you’re 5’ 7" tall.
The perfect weather is very hot and sunny…with a nice cooling breeze.
When you have to get up for work its an unpleasant chore…
But W/Es you get up at the same time full of cheer and enthusiasm,you couldn’t lie in if you tried.
Hangovers only start getting better once you’ve got up…
Lie in bed all day you’ll have a hangover all day.
Everyones kids are cute and gifted…
Except to everyone else other then their parents.
When kids act childish to look cute(eg.lisping or talking baby talk) they’re not…
But when kids act older then their years they ARE cute.
It is far easier to give good advice then it is to accept it.
I think advice given by others is often something you never thought about. I’ve had genuinely good advice from others. Other people can sometimes spur you on better than you can spur yourself on.
Do as I say, not as I do (I’m learning the hard way so you don’t have to)