It's a thread about nothing. Post your Seinfeldesque thoughts here.

Cafe Society
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The purpose of this thread isn’t to talk about the show, but to present any thoughts or ideas you have had that would be typical of the Seinfeld characters. Maybe you have your own preference about what the most important button on your shirt is, or perhaps you have come up with a hairbrained scheme that would do justice to Kramer and Newman. They can be something you really believe in and want to pursue, or just a random thought you had. I’ll start off with a couple:

Recently I’ve been expanding my bathrobe range. I now think it’s perfectly OK to walk from my apartment to the trash chute in my robe.

Restaurants should offer hot salads. It would be perfect when a chilly evening makes you want soup, but you know a salad would be healthier. It’s pure gold!

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What’s with the woman at work who is moderating a national conference call and answers her cell phone, then starts talking about her dog. When she realizes that no one is moderating the call and their is dead silence she giggles like she is a four year old who just got away with toilet papering the whole basement.

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[RIGHT]…[/RIGHT]

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Admirably subtle.

5

What’s the deal with “boxer briefs?” They’re neither boxers nor briefs. Are they for those days you just can’t settle on one type of underwear?

6

How strange. I have to say that I’ve felt at odds a bit all day because my socks don’t seem quite appropriate. I’m wearing slacks, and my dress loafers, and you cannot see my white ankle-type sport socks, but I still feel a little weird about having them on.

7

It’s a weird thing. You go to a restaurant with some friends, you enjoy the meal. Afterwards, if you think back, you never once actually saw anyone put food into his or her mouth.

Once someone has pointed this out to you, the next time you go to a restaurant, you can’t help but notice it. You practically stare at the fork as it feeds the morsel of food into the wet, salivating mouth, and you realise what a bizarre process it is. And then you can’t stop thinking about it.

8

What’s with this pimple satisfaction thing? Ever had a nasty neck pimple that refuses to spew? Seems like if you have to have a zit, you should at least get a puss payoff.

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Like hot macaroni salad or warm lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, et al? Neither idea appeals to me but the second one is just nauseating. Room temperature, sure, but hot? Ew.

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Probably not hot lettuce. But other things could work. Cooked spinach or bok choy would be like a hot salad; I’m sure there are other possibilities.

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Why do hot tea and iced tea taste so different? They both have the same ingrediants, so why does the temperature make such a difference?

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So what’s the deal with urinal partitions, anyway. It’s bad enough trying to avoid standing in the yellow puddle, but then there’s this partition that’s only up to my shoulder, and I’m close enough to kiss the guy next to me. I don’t want to see any part of the guy next to me, and what good is a partition that covers only the stuff I’m least likely to look at? Why would anybody want to be a close pisser?

Okay, so I’ve moved over to the toilet, and there’s this guy pissing next to me with the output of a fire hose. I’m going tinkle tinkle, and this guy sounds like he could put out the Chicago fire. I feel really inferior.

Done now, so I’m going to wash my hands. I turn on the water and it sprays all over the place, including down my pants. I can’t leave the bathroom now. How am I going to get all this dried off? What I need is to invent a pair of pants with heating elements in them that will evaporate sprayage.

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You know what I hate?

Toe lint.

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So my ex gf always had a glass of water on her bedside table. Dunno why, but maybe she sometimes woke up at night and was thirsty.
Anyway, it would stand there a couple of days, getting stale and when she’d notice dust collecting, she’d replace it.
And always with water from the tap in the bathroom!!!
:eek:
It’s disgusting to drink water from that tap. The proximity to the big white porcelain tuba, the very idea of some kind of backdraft… Why would anyone drink water from the bathroom tap?
n.b. I’m not joking. I find it gross and icky. She always tormented me with that, taking a gulp and… slowly dripping…

15

Why do we always have to say something nice after someone sneezes? Bless you? I wanna say “Ick! If you have to sneeze, go do it somewhere else!” Is that so wrong?

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I always feel really dumb when I realize I’m still wearing my work ID badge when I’m out during lunch. But there’s this guy at work, one of my superiors, who wears his badge right up until he gets home. And puts it on when he leaves the house in the morning. Well, the guy thinks I’m not a team player becaue I take my badge off once I get in the car (when I remember). Why am I not a team player because I don’t wear my badge like a tatoo?

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Little Caesar’s dates its breadsticks. Rather, its Crazy Bread. But it’s not terribly crazy, because it’s just bread, really. With some crumbly stuff. At least they’re half-honest, though… they coulda called it Crazy Titanium. I bet they’d sell more if they got the occasional dumbass that actually thought it’d be titanium, and they wouldn’t complain because they wouldn’t want to admit to being so stupid, and plus, they’d have titanium. Just having titanium would make me feel macho.

But no, they date their bread… Crazy… bread… sticks. Not, like, “Sell By” or anything. One of the employees just writes the date on the back. This frightens me. This tells me that the employees are so airheaded that they can’t actually keep track of WHEN a particular bag of Crazy Bread was put down. They can’t keep track, out of the corner of their eye, “Oh, there’s that pack of Crazy Bread that’s been sitting there since last week.” No, they need to date it.

And it doesn’t really inspire customer confidence. I want a “Sell By” date. In fact, I think there should be two dates, one for the “Sell By” thing, and the other for “You Really Really Shouldn’t Eat This After” date. Because there’s always a gray area. It’s like a warranty… they can’t always cover your item, but there’s a period of time after it expires before it actually goes bad, in most cases. That would inspire customer confidence.

Come to think about it, they don’t really inspire customer confidence by calling it Crazy Bread. Once you start to think about it, it starts to sound like it’s bread… that makes you crazy. Unless you’re a surfer or skateboarder or artist or something, “crazy” is a bad thing. Why on Earth would they want people to think they’ll be driven to hysterics upon munching some breadsticks?

They really should revamp their marketing strategy. Let’s not mention the fact that they’re obviously appealing to - some might say “taking advantage of” - stoners, what with their five dollar large pizza. Now come on. Five dollars for a pizza. That MUST be anti-competitive. Don’t we live in a society where companies have to sell their products at approximately equal values? Kinda ruins the whole game for everyone.

Greedy bastards. Fuck you, Little Caesar’s.

18

What’s with that little bit of unused current in some electronics, like my boombox radio? If I unplug it and turn it on, it powers up and generates about a quarter of a second’s worth of music. This is basically a small amount of electricity that goes on my bill whether or not I ever use it, right?

One more thing about electricity… how much electricity is used by the electricity meter itself? If you were to unplug everything in the house for a month, would there still be a tiny dribbling of electricity you’re going to be billed for, that the meter used? I think somebody should think about investigating this.

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whats the deal with airline peanuts? you can almost never get the bag open, and if you finally do, they go everywhere! whats up with that???

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So I was with this girl and she coughed, and I was trapped. Do I say “God Bless You?” even though she didn’t sneeze? I think we really need to invent something to say to people when they cough. How about “Good Lung Power!”?

~S&S