Aren’t all these just restatements of Murphy’s Laws?
Most of 'em.
An oldie, but sadly true…
No matter how great a deal you get on anything, you’ll find the same thing cheaper within a week.
And the corollary to that - if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. This is one of the most universal things I’ve encountered in my life (that and “there ain’t no such thing as a free lunch”), and it can keep you out of a lot of trouble to remember that simple rule (old people who fall for scams, I’m looking at you).
As soon as the Awesomest TV show Ever comes on TV.
Your cable goes out.
Like the episode where Scratchy finally gets Itchy!
The customer who huffs and puffs and complains about the lineup the most, is the one who then takes the longest to dig out their wallet, has the wrong coupon/item combo, and simply has to find that penny.
At the salon: the amount of walk-in customers right before I am scheduled to be off is directly related to whether I have plans or not that night after work. No plans: I get off on time. Plans: A whole slew of people at the last minute and I get stuck late and miss the bus. Ahh, working on commission. 
If you actually need a red light in order to do something, you’ll never get one.
Women over a certain age will not touch their purse until told what the price is. Then they’ll take their time to extract the EXACT change minus value of coupons.
And for some reason - shopping queues are the place they choose to organise their bag and purse. but only once their transaction is complete. And without moving away from the service spot
Sensible people choose their waiting time to extract a denomination which will cover the cost. And wait until they get home to sort out their… coat pocket (where they stuff the change+receipt)
If there’s a horrible song or person on your car radio - it’s green lights all the way home.
You go to great efforts to keep all the receipts from your Christmas shopping. You put each receipt from every store in an envelope clearly marked “Christmas 2008 receipts”. Your daughter loves the jacket, but it’s way too small. SO WHERE IS THE Fking receipt you were SO careful to put in the Fking envelope???
Wow, they grow them big on the farm! In my experience, many men are size 10 1/2 (including me), but all women are size 7.
Any time you tell a child that is under the age of 12 that he or she is tired and needs to go to bed, they will emphatically deny it, even if they really are tired.
Milk, juice, and soda all taste best straight out of the carton.
The later you are for an appointment the dumber the other drivers are.
Fish and Chips always tasted better wrapped in newspaper.
When you wre a kid it hardly ever rained during summer holidays
And it always snowed on Christmas day
A corollary to the previous rules about witty and creative TV shows:
If you find a show you like, watch it, but DON’T talk about it. The minute you find a relative or co-worker who also enjoys the show, it will be canceled. Most likely, the next day.
HAHAHA… that made me laugh aloud because it is 100% true.
Also:
In a vast, empty amount of floor space, a cat will always want to sit in the exact spot that holds the sole piece of paper or article of clothing.
Not only that, but it’s a toxic workplace. It puts great emphasis on face time, it demands its mind games and histrionics be taken seriously, it asks everything and promises nothing, and you can be fired at any time for any reason - or no reason.
One minute of time flies by, unless you’re waiting for the microwave oven to go off.
Meat tastes better with more primitive cooking measures.