Twice in my life I had sciatic back injury. Once on each side. The first time was the worst. I went to a doctor and got some prescription meds, the second time, 7 years later, I did the other side and just “gutted it out.” Both times were excruciating, horrible pain that took a long, long time to get better. But it did.
The weird thing is that I sometimes find myself wishing I could bring the pain back, just to feel how bad it really was. Maybe just for 30 seconds or a minute. It makes me sad that I’m forgetting how much it hurt. I mean, damn!, I endured so really, really bad shit and as it fades in the rear view mirror, I find myself forgetting what it was really like.
Question is, is it just me or is that common?
I never had a similar feeling about emotional pain, FWIW.
That’s what I think of when I hear people speaking about a painful event and say ‘you don’t remember the pain’ or ‘you’ll forget about the pain’. It’s usually attributed, IME, to child birth though.
I’ve had kidney stones, I’ve had migraines that I’d consider worse than kidney stones and there are times that, while I don’t want to relive it, I think back and wonder if maybe it wasn’t that bad, maybe I was being over dramatic, maybe I could have handled it better or been more stoic. For example, did I really need to lay on the floor in the radiology waiting room on the verge of crying (kidney stone)?
I’m not sure I share you’re desire to relive the pain, but I understand it.
Part of it might also be a feeling of “I went through all that for nothing”. Perhaps wanting to feel that pain again to remind you of how bad it really was.
I’d guess that a lot of it also has to do with the fact that (in general) there’s no lasting pain after an event is over. I don’t feel any pain from my kidney stones. I had shoulder surgery and don’t have any lasting pain from the surgery (or the injury).
Along with all that, perhaps it’s a fear of forgetting what you went through or feeling like you’re injury/pain is ‘no big deal’ compared to people that talk about bad knees or elbows from an old sports injury, which, is basically some recurring pain that reminds them of what happened.
TLDR, I know exactly what you mean. I don’t know if it’s common, but I’m quite sure other people share at least some aspects of what you’re talking about.
Had horrible sciatica down left leg, it got worse over four years. Had X-rays which were inconclusive, and insurance wouldn’t pay for an MRI. I was seeing a Physical Therapist, a Chiropractor, an Acupuncturist, and my GP. I was using a cane, it kept getting worse, then started down the right leg.
Finally my doc got me an MRI, which showed a cyst in my spine the size of a ping pong ball. The specialist said to me and my wife “HOW have you not been in excruciating pain for four years?”
“I have been.”
Would I ever want to go back to that, or even feel it again for two minutes? Nooooo…
So, when the spine specialists showed me my spinal cord compressed to the width of a pencil lead, they wanted to do surgery later that week: “First, we’ll open you up and to get at the cyst, we’ll scrape away a good part of these two lumbar vertebrae…” “Wha…? Wait, I might need those bones, doc.”
By this point, I was using two canes, and was miserable. But I didn’t want to lose lumbar integrity. Luckily, one of my previous soccer mates knew a spine guy who injected the cyst with saline until it exploded. I jumped off the table and did a jig. No pain since then, and I was back playing soccer two days after the procedure.
I don’t forget, but I do get past it. I have learned to think during a bout of pain “Soon this will pass and you will appreciate not writhing around in agony,” and then a few months later I will think back on that moment and appreciate not having had pain in a long time since then.
I get what you’re saying. It’s a little different for me, I don’t really want to feel the pain itself again, but that feeling when you realize you’re not in pain is so overwhelmingly euphoric…that’s the part I want to feel again. I used to get severely debilitating migraines. I’d be in bed, in a dark, cold, quiet room, under the covers for up to several days. The first time I’d wake up without the pain, the physical and mental relief of just feeling normal was enough to make me feel high.
Wow! Weren’t you lucky to find the right doctor? I often wonder how many people go under the knife when all they needed is the right doctor? Get a 2nd opinion, folks.
It’s a small chance, but I’ll mention this just in case; this desire could be symptomatic of severe depression.
Sometimes when depression creeps up on a person slowly, they don’t realize that they have become numb- they have ceased to “feel” anything at all. And people in this situation sometimes crave pain just in order to feel something rather than the constant, dull, nothingness.
Sometimes the pain they crave is emotional, and so they create unnecessary drama in their relationships. Other times the pain they crave is physical, and they act out by cutting, or over exercising, or doing extreme sports in a less than careful manner.
Anyway, just something to consider.
As for me and pain? I never have to wish for it; between cluster headaches and general klutziness, there is always some new nightmare right around the corner.
This too. I can definitely relate to the absolute luxury of that first pain free morning.
Gout is describe as feeling like ground glass is in your joints. I would say that’s a good description. I only had to go through it with my big toes. A bed sheet that touched my toe would put me in agony.
I have never forgotten how much that hurt, and do what I can to never revisit it.
I’ve had plenty of pain in my life. A motorcycle accident when I was 11 put 130 stitches in my head. Nearly broke my neck. That wasn’t too bad.
I used to frame houses. Nothing like seeing a 28oz Rigging Axe come down on your thumb. It numbs it at first. And you KNOW you had better sit down before you fall down.
My Mother broke her hip and had to get two surgeries for it. I’m her caregiver. I have seen pain.
My Wife is an IronMan. I am her Sherpa. I have only had to take her to the hospital once after a crash. But you don’t need to go to the hospital to see what pain these athletes go through. Called 911 another time, but she didn’t end up needing a ride.
I’ve played a lot of volleyball. Severely sprained ankles that turn your toes purple from all the internal bleeding is not fun. You learn to crawl all over again.
I’m a gonna say no. I would rather not re visit that, and do avoid it.
Once, playing football, I went in for a slide tackle and my elbow caught in the soft ground.
There was a wrench, a pop and pain like I’d never felt before, like I’d been shot. I lay there for second and got to my feet holding my (presumed dislocated) elbow.
I’d had given out a fairly blood-curdling yelp as it happened and now I realised, just a few seconds later, that there was now no pain at all. Not a lingering ache, not a remnant of it. My elbow moved perfectly well without any hint of pain and even then, a few seconds later I could not even remember what it felt like.
I’ve had two jaw surgeries, one that surgically split my upper palate to expand it, and another where they basically cut off my upper jaw to reattach it in the correct position and put it back in place with titanium and wire it shut. I wouldn’t want to experience that pain again. When I had the second one I knew what to expect and almost started crying before the operation, anticipating the great pain I would be in, though surprisingly the 2nd more invasive surgery ended up being less painful, maybe because it couldn’t live up to the pain I was expecting.
This knife cuts both ways (so to speak). I had a very badly ruptured lumbar disk that caused pain and paralysis, and had multiple opinions from multiple doctors. I took what I thought was the conservative route by avoiding surgery, as long as some doctors were saying it was better to avoid it. After half a year of tremendous suffering I listened to a doctor who said I had needed surgery urgently right from the start, and he could operate and probably greatly reduce my pain, though it was now too late to reverse the paralysis. This prediction turned out true, and I’m left with a permanent functional deficit, though I have maybe only 5% of the pain. The remaining paralysis has caused secondary effects from my toes not moving properly to take care of themselves, and I’ve had three further surgeries on the paralyzed foot to repair that damage, but it will never be right. My surgeon says if I had come to him first I would probably not have any of these paralysis problems. So, given the difficulty of healing damaged nerves, avoiding the knife isn’t just the safe option, it is also a gamble.
Thanks for the kind words. I feel SO lucky. I’m in my mid-60s, biking 16 miles to work and playing pickup soccer (just yesterday I got knocked down by a kid a third my age, rolled back to my feet and stole the ball from him - ha!).
But **Napier **had a good point, too. I tried the “pop that cyst!” method with my surgery still scheduled for later that week if it hadn’t worked.
I have had depression issues since I was about 10. I don’t think that’s what this is about. Thinking about it today I’m more inclined to think it’s about patting myself on the back for being “tough” and enduring the pain and going to work everyday (most recent event, the first time I missed a week) and doing my job. Is enduring pain “noble”? I don’t know why but I think I’ve internalized that notion. Going to work was actually the best part of the day. Getting out of bed in the morning and driving to work was misery. Once I got to work and got moving I felt better and better. Then in the evening, after I hit the couch to watch TV I would start to stiffen up again. Go to bed, wake up at 3:00am with the most horrible aching pain, squeeze in another hour of sleep after another dose of pain relievers and back up at 6:00 to go to work. For the better part of 6 months.
I’m not a masochist, I was taking a lot of OTC pain meds and doing my best to avoid pain at the time (most recently). The first time, in 2010, I had prescription drugs.
I just sometimes think “Was it really that bad?” and I wish I could bring it back for a moment to verify “Yes, it was really THAT bad.” It’s starting to fade (the memory of what it felt like) and a part of me doesn’t want to let it go. So maybe just my ego and wanting to think I was “badass”.
