My sister is an intelligent, professional woman in her mid 50s. Her husband, 10 years her senior, hasn’t worked since before she met him in the mid 1980s so, apart from some money he inherited from his late father, he has not contributed financially to the partnership. He is living better on her earnings than he had ever done before. That said, both seem genuinely happy in the relationship. What I find a little disturbing, though, is that in her personal life she doesn’t seem to take any decisions independently of him. It is always “We think…”, “We have decided…”, “We do things this way”. I find this irksome and don’t have a great deal of contact with her. It suits me that she lives several hundred miles from me.
A few months ago my father died, and my elderly mother is having to rely on my sister and I to help her adjust and put her affairs in order. This means we must discuss private family matters and her email bothers me. The only personal email address she has is [husbands-name]n[her-name]@[ISP-name].com. They don’t do Facebook or the like, but no doubt if they did it would also be with a joint account. It bothers me somewhat that she allows herself to be defined by her relationship with him. It bothers me even more that I cannot email her in confidence, without feeling her husband is looking over her shoulder. It bothers me too that even if I talk to her on the phone, whatever is discussed will no doubt be relayed to him and any opinion she expresses will likely be a joint opinion.
Am I wrong to feel like this?