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Mouse, I just want to say that this is completely understandable. I grew up being moved from family to family - live a month or two with this aunt, a year in PA with my cousin, a year with my parents, then a few months with a “family friend”…this went on and on until I was 18 and moved out to go to the university. I had tons of problems with my mother, and my father, specifically regarding them and if they were proud of me or not. I ended up using campus psychological services to get in touch with a doctor, who (I feel mistakenly) diagnosed me as bipolar. About a year later, he took me off my meds to see how I would do, and I did fine. My mother still has a severe problem with everything I have done (and will do) because nothing is ever good enough.
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Much like you, I was bounced around a lot as a child. To make a long story short: Mother and Father’s families did not approve their marriage. Mother and Father divorced when I was five. My brother and I were in state custody until we were given to our paternal grandparents. (Father was a violent alcoholic. Mother stayed in a battered women’s shelter. I can’t remember why we were put in foster care.) To our Paternal Grandfather, we were unwelcomed burdens.
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For example: I mentioned graduating from SSU, she said that I had a worthless degree - which isn’t a complete lie, but she is mad I dropped english education to get a BA in english
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I think one of the reasons I’ve been so ambivalent about higher education is because both of my parents have advanced degrees (Mother has three master’s degrees, Father has a phd) and they have been cronically under employeed and very unhappy.
Another reason is that my grandparents said that a degree is a waste of money - just look at your father!
Trust me, any education is better than none at all.
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I have learned that it is pretty easy to deal with, basically because of the new baby. She blew up at me, and I got upset (I told my mother about it after an Art Garfunkel concert, and she actually remarked “Art Garfunkel would have never got his wife pregnant so young!”) On the drive home, I started thinking, that is the way she acts, and I know it, so why don’t I not worry about that and focus on the bigger job coming up for me (being a dad, of course) and it made me feel a little better.
Just remember, you’re going to be a great mom. You seem to have a completely level-head and are very intelligent (judging by posts…)
Brendon Small
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Your mother compares you to Art Garfunkel? :eek: That’s weird, IMHO.
Don’t let her distract you (its easier to give advise than to take it
) From what I can tell, you have been putting a lot of thought into this parenting thing. At least you have an example of what NOT to do. 