DOPER:
Any False Dilemma, Slippery Slope, Complex Question, Appeal to Force, Appeal to Pity, Prejudicial Language, Popularity, Changing the Subject?
VENDOR:
No.
DOPER:
Argument from Ignorance, perhaps?
VENDOR:
Ah! We have From Ignorance, yes sir.
DOPER:
You do! Excellent.
VENDOR:
Yes, sir. It’s, ah … it’s a bit runny.
DOPER:
Oh, I like it runny.
VENDOR:
Well, it’s very runny, actually, sir.
DOPER:
No matter. Fetch hither le ignorance de la Belle France! M-mmm!
VENDOR:
I think it’s a bit runnier than you’ll like it, sir.
DOPER:
I don’t care how fucking runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
VENDOR:
Oh …
DOPER:
What now?
VENDOR:
Schrodinger’s cat ate it!
DOPER:
Has he?
VENDOR:
She, sir.
(pause)
DOPER:
Circular Definition?
VENDOR:
No.
DOPER:
Appeal to Authority?
VENDOR:
No.
DOPER:
Anonymous Authority?
VENDOR:
No.
DOPER:
Style Over Substance?
VENDOR:
No.
DOPER:
Hasty Generalization?
VENDOR:
No, sir.
DOPER:
You do have some fallacies, do you?
VENDOR:
Of course, sir. It’s a logical shop, sir. We’ve got …
DOPER:
No, no, don’t tell me. I’m keen to guess.
VENDOR:
Fair enough.
DOPER:
Er, Straw Man?
VENDOR:
Yes?
DOPER:
Ah, well, I’ll have some of that.
VENDOR:
Oh, I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mr Straw, that’s my name.
(pause)
DOPER:
Unrepresentative Sample?
VENDOR:
Ah, not as such.
DOPER:
Er, Joint effect?
VENDOR:
No.
DOPER:
Slothful Induction?
VENDOR:
No.
DOPER:
Fallacy of Exclusion?
VENDOR:
No.
DOPER:
Accident?
VENDOR:
No.
DOPER:
Post Hoc?
VENDOR:
No.
DOPER:
Non Sequitur?
VENDOR:
No.
DOPER:
Denying the Antecedent?.
VENDOR:
Not today, sir, no.
(pause)
DOPER:
Ah, how about Ad hominem?
VENDOR:
Well, we don’t get much call for it around here, sir.
DOPER:
Not much ca- It’s the single most popular fallacy in the world!
VENDOR:
Not round here, sir.
DOPER:
And what is the most popular fallacy round here?
VENDOR:
False Analogy, sir.
DOPER:
Is it.
VENDOR:
Oh yes, sir. It’s staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.
DOPER:
Is it.
VENDOR:
It’s our number-one best seller, sir.
DOPER:
I see. Ah, False Analogy, eh?
VENDOR:
Right, sir.
DOPER:
All right. Okay. Have you got any, he asked expecting the answer no?
VENDOR:
I’ll have a look, sir … nnnnnnooooooooo.
DOPER:
It’s not much of a logical shop, is it?
VENDOR:
Finest in the district, sir.