Step into bathtub. Close shower curtain. Turn on water. Turn knob so water comes out of shower nozzle instead of the tap.
Notice big dark spot where water has splashed on shower curtain.
Notice that there’s a bunch of light spots in middle of big dark spot. Hunh. Funny–shouldn’t be any soap suds there. Haven’t started shampooing yet. Guess they’re there from yesterday, but that’s kinda weird.
Lean in reeeeal close to see soap suds in more detail. No glasses, after all.
Notice that big dark spot has just grown legs and is now running around.
Interior monologue: Well, crap. My eyeball’s gonna get et by a spider in my own bathroom. This is gonna suck.
Exterior vocalization: “Eeeaaaauuughhh!!!”
Discover that a heartbeat of >200 BPM enables one to teleport over short distances.
Yuck! I was cleaning off the knife block that has been sitting untouched for years (having taken the knives I like and put them in the knife drawer). So, I’m running water over it and scrubbing a decade of crud off it, and this BIG HONKING TUNNEL SPIDER with googly eyes runs out of one of the holes.
I scalded his ass and waved to him as he went, counterclockwise, down the drain. Fucker. Good riddance.
I teleported once, too, after sitting in the bathtub, having a nice relaxing bath, and seeing a cockroach come out of the top, overflow drain. I don’t actually remember getting out of the tub, but all of a sudden I was out. I don’t particularly care for those overflow drains now - I would prefer to stop them up and take my chances with overflowing water.
