Here I sit, at my lower-than-median income job (for which I am grateful, to be sure, but which barely covers my mountain of educational debt and my living expenses, never mind that dress I want at bluefly.com), reading this month’s issue of American Demographics.
More specifically, I’m reading an article called “Live Richly: How Affluent Americans View Themselves and The Green that Lines Their Pockets.”
And whaddaya know . . . ?
Turns out that “Affluent Americans” are defined as people who live in households with $75,000 or more in annual income.
A $75,000 household (not individual) income makes you affluent.
Which means I’m not there YET, but wait until I start shacking up with SkipMagic and combine MY income with his income!
Why, we’ll be rich, apparently. Even, I suppose, if we were living in San Francisco and had eighteen kids to support (or were squatting in a condemned building with 73 other people and each squatter pulled in $1,000 per year), as long as our combined incomes were at least $75,000, we’d be among the Big Dogs.
The sky’s the limit!
Forget bluefly.com–call up Vera Wang! If I’m going to start running in Bill Gates circles, I’ll need some new threads. 
Is the first SkipMagic has heard of this?
SkipMagic: “What is this ‘combine’ of which you are speaking?”
Dear Skip,
What I’m proposing is an arrangement whereby I ‘combine’ YOUR paycheck with MY paycheck in MY account so that I can be rich. In return, I will sometimes buy you nice things, like cereal and stuff.
OOOOOO!! Can I answer this!?
Congratulations!
Can I borrow five bucks?
No? Five bucks Canadian?
A toonie? You could take it out of SkipMagic’s half. I wouldn’t tell.
Combine:* A harvesting machine that heads, threshes and cleans grain while moving over a field.*
Say, that sounds like a pretty good deal!!!
Keep it PG, Homebrew–remember the kids . . .
Sure, you’ll be rich. But wouldn’t you prefer to remain good looking? As I understand it you must give up one to get the other: it’s a standard contract. Sorry.
His HALF? What is this ‘half’ of which you speak? Does it mean that for each dollar that is mine, he gets half a dollar? 
Actually, I think the contract states that you can be rich and good looking, but you have to give up your intellect.
I have no problem with that.
Yes, I also have no problem with her giving up her intellect. It’ll be that much easier stealing my money back from the gold digging wench.
Until then: can I get the chocolatey cereal with the cool toys inside the box?
Well it is 2 out of 3, I made the crass assumption that you’d never give up your intellect. Don’t know how it affects your personality, though I can’t imagine it will be good.
Sorry, that was a typo. It should have said “donation”, not “half”. Stupid ergonomic keyboard.
Sigh I’m not sure, Ethilrist. But I’m leaning toward auntie em getting the money and I get to keep on breathing and moving about.
That’s a combination with which I can be comfortable.