My mother’s family were secular Jews who fled Germany during WWII. My father’s were Protestants in New York, but I’m not clear on how devout any of them were, except for my father’s sister, who was a regular churchgoer her whole life and worked for the Lutheran church in New York for decades.
My father is an atheist, but I have never asked about his religious upbringing or how he came to that view. Today my mother has some new-agey spiritual views, but although they self-identified as Jews, her immediate family apparently were almost entirely non-practicing, both in Germany and after they came to the States.
Although my parents were both non-religious, when my sister and I came along they felt they should go to some church “for the children.” They became members of the local Unitarian Universalist congregation. You know the Unitarians: they’re the ones who pray “to whom it may concern,” and who believe in one god…at most. (They may also be the only religion with joke books about themselves.)
My sister and I sometimes went to the Sunday services (which I found very boring), and sometimes went to the UU Sunday school. What I recall about the latter is watching documentaries about Danny Kaye’s efforts to help kids in Africa with Unicef, and doing simple science experiments: e.g. optical illusions and playing with mercury. If there was any spiritual/ethical instruction, I have no recollection of it.
There was never any talk of religion or God in our house, or about Santa Claus, for that matter, although we had Christmas trees and gave gifts like most Americans. (The Tooth Fairy did manage to find our house, however.) After hearing neighborhood kids talking about God, I once asked my mother what we believed about God. She said, “We believe that God is everywhere.” That was as far as religious instruction went in our house.
By the time I was a teenager, I came to realize that the beliefs that my neighborhood friends had about God were on a par with those the ancients had about Zeus, Thor, and the rest: fairy tales.
My sister and I were told that because my mother was Jewish we were technically Jewish, too, but we were never told anything more about what that meant or what Jews believed. It wasn’t until I had a Jewish friend in high school that I learned about keeping kosher and participated in a seder.
My mother has remained in the UU church, which is the center of her social life, and my sister earned an MSW and did social work, then got a DD and became a UU minister for a couple of decades.
As an adult I have always considered myself an atheist, and only gone to churches or synagogues for weddings or funerals. However, on learning more about world religions I always felt a certain pride in my Jewish heritage. More than any other religion I know of, Judaism values learning, inquiry, and doubt, and many people who consider themselves Jews also say they are atheists. (The same is true of UUs, of course, many of whom are also Jewish.) I have long said that if someone held a gun to my head and forced me to identify with one religion, it would have to be Judaism.
So then, just eight years ago, I reconnected with a college friend, and within 18 months we were married. She is Jewish and has worked in Jewish schools for more than 30 years. She converted to Judaism around the time we knew each other in college, and knows more about Judaism than most people born into the religion. She keeps kosher, although she allows me to eat treif in the house, on special treif plates. We have Shabbat dinner every week and observe most of the holidays, now going to her eldest daughter’s house for Pesach.
I have learned a great deal about Judaism in the past eight years, and feel quite at home identifying as a Jew, despite having no belief in God at all. (My wife is also an atheist.) The principles of Judaism are almost entirely in synch with my own values and ethics, and the rituals and ceremonies reinforce one’s connection with a community that has history as long as any on earth. Jews focus on living a good life here on earth, and not on some future paradise.
The only devout Jew I know of in my mother’s family was my great uncle: my grandmother’s sister’s husband. He regularly went to shul and participated in daily minyans. I have inherited his tallis (prayer shawl), which is at least 50 years old, and may be much older, and now proudly wear it when we have occasion to go to synagogue.
