The time I spent living in the large multi-generational family group of grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins were the best time of my childhood. The time I spent forced to live with just my parents was hell on earth and I would not inflict similiar on my worst enemy. Large extended families are the natural safety nets for children that can provide care for them and protect them from parental abuse. I think nuclear families give parents too much power and control over their children (power which easily becomes corrupted and leads to abuse).
A-men!!
I think a lot of people do this because they have to, but I suspect it’s really, really hard to make it work well for all involved. We 1st Worlders are lucky in that we’re probably the first humans ever to NOT have to live like that.
And, we must have evolved to live that way, since every culture everywhere seems to do it. I must have a mutation…
If it’s a mutation, it seems as if we are reverting back to the wild-type, at least partially. Striking out on your own made sense when employment was good and plentiful, real estate was cheap, and student loans were practically non-existent. Nowadays, there is a steep hurdle waiting for folks upon entering adulthood.
My sister’s father-in-law has lived with her and her family for almost 20 years. He’s always been employed and seems to have his own routine separate from the immediate family (he lives down in the basement, with his own private entrance). My sis has also taken in a sister-in-law and a revolving door of cousins for periods of time. She’s actually looking forward to her children growing up and living in the “family compound”. I’m totally envious of her warm heart and wonder if we are really related to one another.
My paternal grandmother lived with us from the time I was eight years old until I went away to college. Although we had our familial disputes it worked out fine. Anyway, she had nowhere else to live.
In our case, my grandmother was dependent on my parents for support. She was a widow and didn’t have any significant income of her own. I think that’s not exactly the situation described by the OP, but there you are.
On the contrary, what you describe definitely qualifies.
For about 30 years, my maternal grandmother lived with us off and (mostly) on until a few years back when she moved in with her sister.
Yeah, pretty much. There’s a 20 year gap between me and my oldest sibling, who was living at home during most of my childhood.
I forgot to add, my cousins who are a few years older lived with us for a couple years as well. There’s also an 18 year difference from me to my youngest brother. So at one point there was an infant, up to me at 18, my mom (23 years older than me), my dad (30 years older than me) and my grandmother (43 years older than me). Birth years in our house were from 1932 to 1992.
My kids and I lived with my folks for about a year. It was… tense. But I was grateful for the help I received. My mom and I just can’t live under a single roof.
When I was a kid, we lived on a farm - originally my great-grandmother’s, purchased by my grandparents in 1960, when Granny felt like she needed some help. Granny had her house, Grandmother and Granddaddy built a house next door, and my folks had the old house across the road until we built one down the farm lane in 1972. That worked pretty well. Everyone was near enough to help one another as needed, but there weren’t the disputes aboutdaily crap like what type of coffee to have or proper bedtimes or whether to watch Lawrence Welk or Wild Kingdom. My husband’s parents did something similar, with his father putting a trailer at the farm when Grandfather got older, and his mother building a guesthouse when her mother needed more daily help. We bought enough land to allow our parents to live on the property when that time comes. Separate kitchens does a lot to further family harmony, in my experience.
I’ve thought about it a bit, since there’s been a real estate boom around here and it’s hard to afford anything. My parents are retired and in an apartment they want to get out of and at the point where no one would give them a mortgage because of their age. If we went in on a house with a basement suite together, it would benefit all of us. But it’s just an idea right now because we aren’t in the same city.