Hell, my parents can’t even talk about sex with EACH OTHER let alone offer any advice or guidance to anyone else.
Except when they sat my sister and her BF down to “have the talk” after they found out that the kids were living together. You have to understand that the kids were 23 at the time. Sis and BF eventually got married and now have a four year old boy. They have permanently made their home in Alaska, however - about as far from mom & dad as they can get and still be in the USA.
The wierdest advice that my mom gave me as a kid was the classic one about your face freezing like that if you keep making faces. I belived that one up until I was 11 or 12 - she was that convincing.
As I was in the airport getting ready to leave for Japan:
“Don’t get killed!”
Granted, it’s hard to argue with advice like that, but I think it was the cheery smile they said it with that made it so weird. It was early in the morning, so I guess I can’t be too hard on them.
You know, I think the world would be a much better place if more people followed that advice. Not that I’m advocating skirts or anything, mind you.
This one wasn’t directed toward me, and I have no idea why she was telling my brother this, but I remember mom consoling him once by saying:
“It’s not the size of the ship, it’s the motion in the ocean.”
One weekend we were having a big family outing, and a friend of mine was going to come along.
My dad took me aside and “informed me” that my uncle was gay (I had known this for some time). He then warned me not to go off with him alone, and look out for my friend.
I was scared and shocked and creeped out all at once, not about my uncle, but my dad. My uncle is somewhat of a jerk and somewhat annoying, but he has never done anything untoward at me, and not even come close. Suffice it to say, nothing happened at the family outing.
I still think about this from time to time and it still creeps me out.