You know what’s best?
Cicken breasy
OK, this just cracked me up. Perfect typo timing. My first thought was honestly “cicken breasy? What the hell is that? It doesn’t even rhyme!”
My granddaughter cracks me up when she defies her mother. The granddaughter is two-and-a-half with a headful of red ringlets. Blue eyes, rosebud lips and gorgeous chipmunk cheeks complete her ensemble as “Grandma’s Angel”. She’s a red-head, you see. And my beloved granddaughter.
On the last visit, Grandma’s Angel was attempting to crawl into the entertainment center. My daughter admonished her to “Stop that RIGHT NOW!” Grandma’s Angel turned on her heel, pointed her index finger at her mother, stomped her foot and yelled “DON’T!!” to her mother (red ringlets flouncing with the resonance of her rebellion.) I had to excuse myself from the room to dissolve into giggles in my master suite.
Afterall, my granddaughter got a time out; so why shouldn’t I?
Threads on the SDMB about bathroom/flatulence experiences. I’m 29. Honestly.
My cat. She’s not very bright, and because she was an abandoned kitten and we got her at about four weeks of age, she never learnt useful cat-skills from her absent mother.
Watching her hunt is entertainment for all. She will flatten herself to the ground (so far, so good), wiggle forwards…and then she stops, with this ‘oh god, the bird hasn’t flown away, what do I do now’ expression. her tail goes flick-flick, and she makes this half-assed lunge toward the bird, which enevitably flies off.
This is the cue for all watching to fall about laughing. She will look up, look mortified, and stalk off. All good fun.
Also the word ‘mercatoribus’. Always made me giggle in Latin, which made silent translations a hassle, wich made me giggle even more.
Eddie Izzard makes me laugh until I cry, but that’s a whole different kettle of fish.
I tend to laugh when I see scenes on TV and in movies where a character loses his/her temper and starts swearing and throws or kicks something. For example, the scene in Christmas Vacation where Clark (Chevy Chase) kicks the reindeer display on the front lawn in his frustration over the Christmas lights not working, just cracks me up every time I watch it. Other examples include people throwing a phone handset or slamming the phone down, drivers hitting the steering wheel or the dash, etc. Maybe this is my way of dealing with my own frustrations and that it feels good to see it happening to someone else. For some reason seeing people do this sort of thing in real life right in front of me doesn’t amuse me, especially if I’m the reason they’re doing it.
Whenever someone mentions the card game pinochle I just can’t help but to snicker as I think about someone peeing on his hands at the urinal. 
I’m also with essvee and MaxTheVool on the bathroom-related threads and jokes.
Re: Astorian’s blood donation amusement:
Overheard in a blood donor line-up, a woman speaking to her friend:
“When they asked if I’ve ever had sex for which I’ve been paid in drugs or money, I answered ‘No, but I’ve had sex for which I should have been paid in drugs or money’ … they didn’t think it was funny, for some reason.”
What always makes me laugh: people slipping and falling on the ice. Having survived 23 Canadian winters, I’ve seen it an awful lot, and it’s always, always funny. Because it happens to everyone, no matter how hard you try to prevent it (and trying to prevent it makes it funny too) and it hurts like h*ll, every time. When I fall on the ice, once I know the fall is inevitable, the first thing I do is look around to make sure no one is watching (and laughing at me), and the second thing I do is laugh. Then I rub my sore tailbone and say ‘Man, that hurt.’
For example: My friend told me about his friend who had to try four times to climb the gentle (but icy) slope out of a parking garage. Kept falling just before he reached the top. Much to the amusement of all present, as well as me, who wasn’t even present. He ended up crawling out on his hands and knees.
… does this make me a bad person?
Oh, another thing I always enjoy is hearing stories about people’s pet dogs who eat food not intended for them. A family member had this dog that went to a town picnic and ate two pies and a ham. Love it! He also went over to the elementary school and ate a kid’s lunch, prompting a call to his owner who made the kid a boloney sandwich. He ALSO ate the thanksgiving turkey remains that were being kept frozen on the porch (this was Northern Vermont). That dog was a regular Henny Youngman.
Everytime I go to my sister’s house, and seeing my 1 1/2 year old nephew (jasper - adorable) run up to me, overly excited, screaming, arms open so I can lift him up and give him a hug. He always tries to give me a kiss, but ends up biting my nose. That makes me chuckle without fail every time…
Dah! Chicken BREAST!!!
Breast!
BREAST!!!
The Truth Fish eating the Darwin Fish on a car’s bumper.
Gets me cracking up every time.
ok…demented story but here goes…
One of the first camping trip hubby-kins and I took together, we had a nice little fire going, cold beer, roasting marshmellows…you get the idea.
Well, my marshmellow caught on fire and stupid me, I shook the stick and the marshmellow, still on fire, landed on his toe. He was wearing sandles. Needless to say that sucker was HOT and he got a teensy tiny burn on his toe (OOPS). Now the burn isn’t funny…but the dance he did when it was on fire was, and now everytime we get out marshmellows for anything he backs away, and I laugh my foolish ass off.
Who woulda thought that a marshmellow could make a man so nervous now! 
No, cicken breasy was funnier.
I know chicken breasy was way funnier (I read it like 20 times and couldn’t stop laughing) but I can’t believe I made such a retarted typo. I’m pretty good about that stuff!
Faulty Towers
Okay, now I remember what I was going to type. I think the whole chicken breasy thing makes this a lot less funny but I dont care. This is how the whole thing is supposed to go.
Guess what?
Chicken butt!
You know why?
Chicken thigh!
You know what’s best?
Chicken breast!
You know what’s better?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Chicken BJORGE!
It’s funny when a person tells a joke, laughs at it, and then states that he’s funny. It makes laugh EVERY time (but only if they’re sincere).
Knowing that Dave has a hampster, named “Mr. Sandy Man” KILLS me!
Other things: Mr. Cynical’s uncontrollable laugh. It’s EXTREMELY contagious, so that it doesn’t matter that what he’s actually laughing about isn’t really funny.
Lilly, the smallest, stupidest dog in the world. She has no idea she’s a dog. (hence the coat)
We’ve lived in this condo for four years. A few weeks ago, Mr. C
took our 3 dogs out for their evening constitutional and when he returned he found he only had two dogs. Apparently, Lilly, had forgotten to get on the elevator. Brian had to go back down to the first floor where he found Lilly just standing in the lobby staring at the elevator. Still in her coat and boots. The mental picture of that cracks me up.
Also, last night when I took the dogs out, I didn’t have Lilly on her leash (she’s kinda slow and tends to trip the other dogs)
It was about 3 degrees out and she’s not a real ‘outdoorsy’ type of gal. She actually starts shivering while I’m putting her coat on.
Lilly went right to the grass and did her…uh…stuff and then she just stood there halfway between the run and the building door. As soon as I started walking towards her, she took off at top speed (think snail) for the door. Since the other two were already in the dog run. I asked my neighbors who were already outside to watch my normal dogs while I took Lilly back inside. I figured, I’d just call Brian and have him come down the hall and fetch Lilly off the elevator.
As the door was closing, Lilly looked baffled and by the time the elevator got to the second floor, I realized she might be too stupid to get OFF the elevator when the door opened at the fourth/top floor.
I had to hit the elevator button again, and wait for it to come back down TO MAKE SURE SHE WASN’T STILL ON IT! *
*[sub]she wasn’t, but it was entirely possible that she would sit on the elevator until I came back in with the other two.[/sub]
I laugh at fishnet shirts. Seriously. I don’t know why. And I hang out with the sort of people who wear fishnet shirts.
My ex-boyfriend once compared it to a four year old who just heard someone say “poopie.”
Family Guy.
It had a way of doing action that skipped a frame, so instead of seeing someone fall they were just suddenly on the ground. Two of the most memorable occasions:
Lois: Peter, promise me you won’t drink, you know how you get when you drink!
<flasback, the family is in a ice cream shop sitting down, Peter is standing>
Peter: Wow butter rum! My favorite! <licks ice cream>
<Peter is suddenly face down in a broken table>
and
MarrigeCounsiler: Now we have brought in Howey Mandel to blow up a surgical glove over his forehead.
<Howey enters, puts the glove over his head and starts blowing, you hear a kind of poping noise and he falls headfirst onto a coffee table then on the the ground. Then blood trains out of his head. Everyone just stands there with no idea what to do.>
Morbid yes. But utterly hilarious if you see it.