Further, ANY comments about a person’s weight. I’m naturally very thin and it drives me nuts when people comment on it: “OMG you’re so skinnny! Don’t you ever EAT?!”
Even if a person has lost weight, it could be the result of an illness.
Regarding wearing shoes in the house: there was a thread on a message board that I belonged to before and the discussion got pretty heated between the wear shoes/take 'em off at the door sides. I think it’s a regional thing: for instance, here in Canada we have winter, and it’s simply common sense to take your shoes/boots off at the door so you’re not tracking snow/slush/dirt into the person’s house. I’ve only seen people wearing their shoes in the house at large gatherings, and even then many people still take them off.
Lol no, but he WAS annoyed because it was apparently my job to try and figure out what was wrong instead of just shrugging it off after he said “nothing” twice. Because of course, something WAS wrong and he wasn’t going to tell me unless I guessed exactly what it was.
Don’t comment on how far along in pregnancy a woman you know is pregnant is, unless you know for sure, or you could end up making a faux pas like this.
It’s probably a good idea to restrict comments on losing weight to people who you know are trying to lose weight.
Don’t make comments about someone’s facial or body hair, especially not a woman’s.
Don’t make comments about the color of someone’s skin.
If you ask someone how much they earn, don’t expect a number, unless you are involved in actual salary negotiations with or on behalf of that person.
Don’t tell people how much you earn, except in salary negotiations.
Don’t ask how much someone paid for something, unless you are actually interested in buying something similar.
If a woman is past her teenage years, don’t ask her how old she is, unless you are legally obligated to do so (for example, carding someone who’s buying alcohol or tobacco).
Don’t call someone “middle-aged” or “old”, unless they’ve already referred to themselves as such.
If someone has an abnormal condition that is visible (a birthmark, missing a body part, or something of that nature), do not comment on it or ask the person about it, unless you know them very well.
Never say anything to anyone that implies that you think they have a body or facial flaw, unless that person has already mentioned that specific flaw to you. This is especially true when others can hear you, or when you are talking to a teenager or a child. This includes offering unsolicited advice on how to correct or camouflage a flaw.
Don’t comment on how much or how little someone is eating, unless you know the person very well.
Don’t argue with someone about their religious, political, or philosophical beliefs (for example, vegetarianism), unless you know the person very well.
Don’t comment on how someone smells, unless you are admiring their perfume or know them very well.
Yep, here in Sweden, where we also get actual winters, it is the height of rudeness not to take them off at the door, whereas in my native UK it is probably more common for people to keep them on. To be honest, I’m not even sure what happens now (I used to leave them on as a kid) as taking them off is so ingrained now that I can’t imagine not doing it whichever country I am in.
I only knew one family growing up who insisted on this, and they were Asian. I’ve since encountered it a few times but usually related to people from continental European cultures. I understand the practical aspect of winter etc. but here if you expect me to take off my shoes going into your house, just don’t invite me in in the first place!
This was probably a double-faux pas: violating the general western privacy about one’s religion, and also particularly because of the Northern Ireland Troubles. It was tantamount to asking him which side of the war he fought on.
About the eye contact thing: I think the American standard is *occasional *eye contact. If you’re in a conversation and never look anywhere else but the other person’s eyes, that would be weird. If you never look at his face (particularly his eyes) that’s weird, too.
Not ignoring the OP-- quelle horreur!-- but maybe not the best explanation. I’m in the U.S. right now. If I walk half a block or so, I’ll be in Mexico. Just about every public restroom has a sign posted about flushing paper. The topic comes up and you can see the hang ups rise like nuclear powered bread dough. Leaving evidence that you, too, poop and/or pee is bad enough. Imply that your host’s plumbing isn’t up to snuff-- yikes!
The pinching, weight comments, etc. I observe once or twice a week. Much more often when I was younger since kids are fair game. Using tap water is pretty subtle to catch, but it’s there. If you’ve guests, fill a glass from the tap in their presence. The more someone knows the U.S. the more likely they are to drink it. Though if it’s clean but nasty tasting, the experiment falls apart…
I was going to post this. It’s a highly-satisfactory state of affairs, in my opinion; I’d hate to move to a place where the first topic of conversation was, “What church do you belong to?” First bad assumption: that I belong to a church at all…
Interesting, as a Brit, who has worked with Irish people from both sides of the border it’s a question I emphatically don’t ask. OTOH most Irish people I’ve met do volunteer the information early on.
This is pretty common in the Southeastern US. I’ve never encountered it as a first question, but a fair number of people consider it appropriate during small talk. When I was test driving a car the dealer asked me what church I go to! I made sure to warn my two new coworkers who are from other parts of the US about this. One of them is a Muslim and I wanted to be sure she understood that when people asked about her church it wasn’t (necessarily) because they were suspicious of her.
Well I think it would be different if you were actually in Ireland as a visitor and asked. You might offend some people, but you’d probably get people explaining the situation to you.
That must be why I recently read in the newspaper that American soldiers were being instructed not to loudly pass gas. At the time I was like, “Huh?” The article didn’t make clear that they were doing it out in public (apparently.)