“If you want a dildo and you don’t want it to look like a penis, that’s okay, because lesbians make dildos in a variety of shapes and sizes! Don’t we, women? Go down to Good Vibrations and get a - a dildo in the shape of a cucumber! Oh, that’s a good idea; let’s think about this. How much does a dildo cost? Seventy-five, eighty dollars for a good silicone latex dildo? HOW MUCH DOES A CUCUMBER COST? TEN FUCKIN CENTS! Go down to the Safeway, get yourself a fuckin cucumber, for Chrissakes! Just don’t, you know, peel it first or it’ll go thhwip right out of your hand.”
Peel and dice it, toss it into a bowl with cold tortellini, diced tomatoes, italian dressing, choped fresh garlic, and a bit of red onion. An irresistible snack!
Make Kapa Maki. Mmm, lovely sushi…
A friend of mine makes a batch or two of Estonian stile sour cucumber each year. Yummy!