What are the lessons of James Bond movies?

Cafe Society
1

One of these movies was on TV a few days ago. Of course, they are outdated, similar, interesting, ridiculous. But they have vital lessons to impart. What are they?

  • If you are a super villain, locate your lair in Europe, Russia or a secluded island. You will pay less tax and have more privacy.

  • Also, feel free to divulge all your plans since so few survive the encounter with a giant servant/ manticore/ lumber mill saw/ radioactive gift

  • When being chased, drive into a market or an alley containing lots of barrels

  • When seducing an attractive woman who wishes you harm, search her apartment for weapons and don’t laugh when she tells you her name

There must be others?

2

If you’re a super villain and you catch Bond, KILL HIM IMMEDIATELY! Don’t make some elaborate kill’n contraption that he can escape from,

3

The main lesson was that the moon landing was faked. It was revealed in Diamonds are Forever. That’s pretty big for a movie.

4

And for gods sake don’t make a soliloquy about how painful death will be while Bond is restrained. It’s a plot by the author to make you look like a damned fool.

5

If you must have have a self destruct button don’t make it a big red button labeled SELF DESTRUCT sitting right out in the open. And if you haven’t killed Bond as soon as you saw him, definitely don’t bring him into the control room where the self destruct button is.

6

You can be a male chauvinist as long as you’re handsome?

7

Women are disposable, and can always be seduced, used, and replaced?

I predict this thread will turn into either a discussion of Bond’s toxic masculinity, or entries from the Evil Overlord’s List. Or both.

8

Be proficient at flying planes and helicopters. You never know when you’ll have to kill the pilot and take over the controls.

9

Wuss.
Matt Helm (of the novels, not the excretable films) shot the pilot despite Helm not knowing how to fly.
BTW, Sean Connery was really, really angry when he found out that Dean Martin was paid more for a film than he.

10

Be proficient at everything you can. You never know when you’ll have to evade assassins by skiing down a bobseld run, or grabbing a parachute off another guy while free falling, or climbing an inaccessible mountain, and for god’s sake be sure to know which wine goes with which food!

11

I think the skill of travel around the world at a moment’s notice without luggage and knowing where to buy the finest tailored clothes at all times, for any occasion, cannot be under-estimated.

12

What makes Bond survive for so long is when fads come and go the movies incorporate them and adjust to changing times. But the fundamental nature of being a special agent with a licence to kill never changes.

Today’s Bond is in a post 9/11 digital surveillance world which makes staying hidden a virtual impossibility. Especially compared to the 60s and 70s. But the Bond of that era was a lot more chauvinistic and laid back than today. Roger Moore stopped mad scientist villains intent on world domination from hidden lairs as if it were a day out at the cricket.

13

Don’t forget jetpacks! Always have one handy.

14

Know the difference for a drink that is shaken, not stirred.

15

Like exotic cars.

16

So, no sharks with frickin’ laser beams, then. Got it.

If you don’t actually have him in custody at the time, a dose of Novichok slipped into his martini should do the trick. It will also send a clear message to 001-006, and 008-on.

17

Everything is permissible if you are extremely attractive.
Ideal espionage agents are flashy and stand out in a crowd.
Governments (at least the enemy ones) have very short memories.

18

Even if you are a famous secret agent, you can use your real name all the time, and no one, not even the bad guys, will put two and two together.

19

You’re allowed to kill people if you have the proper license for it. This license is valid in all countries.

20

The Lesson of the novels was that a rasher of bacon = one slice.