A while ago I read an interesting article written by an American about the different concepts of politeness in the US and Germany. Of course there are the usual problems associated with such generalizations but based on personal observations I think it has a certain appeal.
In many situations there is a conflict between what the author called “friendliness” and “respect”. Relative to people from the respective other country, in general Americans value the former more and Germans the latter. By American standards Germans make little effort to make situations pleasant to those involved. Small talk? If you have nothing to say then shut up.
On the other hand there is a stronger taboo against behavior that could be interpreted as an attempt to deceive someone. According to the author Germans are more likely to be honest when it hurts because lies - no matter how “white” or well-intentioned - are seen as a sign of disrespect. In many cases the same is true for unsolicited informality. All that contributes to our reputation as dour and blunt.
Once I read a travel guide* that warned Americans against asking Germans how they look in their outfit.
Also most Americans seem to hate German customer service where people see little reason to pretend that they like you or their job.
[sub](* Travel guides for your own location are much more interesting than most people realize.)[/sub]
Staring. This one surprised me when I was taking a class in France. My professor laughed when she realized how noticeable it was to me. In the US, children are instructed that it’s not polite to stare at strangers, while in France, this isn’t on anyone’s radar as either particularly polite or rude.
Yeah, it’s true about the spitting thing in China. I was on a Chinese cruise down the Yangtze and deck was awash in saliva. The damn boat was only 30 feet wide, but people couldn’t be bothered to walk to the side of the boat. Our fellow germaphobe dopers would not fare well. I’ve been told that this is a big reason a lot of flus originate in Asia.
When I was on an airplane there, upon landing, there was a mad rush to the exit door. It was like a Great White concert in Rhode Island.
This possibly NSFW commercial shows Korean behavior:
Well I’ve seen it in Japan in any case, where slurping your noodles is de rigueur.
On the other hand, many Brits dislike the American approach of pretending you’re loving every minute of serving the public. It’s just as obvious they don’t like their jobs, but with added dishonesty.
This one was a big thing news-wise in New York a few years ago.
Asian shopkeepers placing change on the counter when one’s hand is available to receive it. That, along with the general lack of business courtesy, caused some encounters (fights, etc.) that were in the news for a few weeks.
Upon first meeting most Americans, you’re not supposed to dive into religious issues too deeply. (Ex: “So, you’re Roman Catholic? Does that mean you’re completely opposed to abortion?”)
“Why aren’t you married?”
Again, spitting in public places.
Again, crowding instead of getting into a line.
Bargaining for things other than cars and houses and a few other things.
Various ways of kissing upon greeting someone.
Standing in a way so as to touch someone in a subway.
Allowing your kids to run around and make a lot of noise in an otherwise quiet place.
I’ve noticed this about Europeans in general: many I’ve met seemed (by my American standards) surprisingly blunt, and yet, much more formally respectful than the average American.
If a European told a casual acquaintance that his haircut looked strange, I would assume it was his honest opinion.
If an American did, I would assume it a subtle insult from an asshole (who would probably say he was “just busting your chops”).
Asking your age usually comes somewhere between “what’s your name?” and “where are you from?” If you watch the news here, just about any time someone’s name appears on the screen, their age is right there with it.
Picking your bowl up and bringing it closer to your face when you eat. I had to use some self-control to not do this the last time I went back home.
Sniffling. It’s considered rude to blow your nose in public (or at least to do so loudly), so people will just stand there sniffling and snorting non-stop, making just as much noise as a good honk would.
Slurping your food, not closing your mouth to chew. And instead of clearing your throat with a closed mouth and going aah-hmm, don’t go open your mouth and hmm-kkough-clcakc-chhhh. Repeatedly.
I wouldn’t say it’s rude, but I think there’s some sort of culture clash when European parents come to America and leave their kid in a stroller outside a restaurant while they go in and eat.
I’ve seen a couple of stories about this, like a Swedish (?) couple who left their sleeping baby outside a store in Manhattan while they shopped, not to mention the little girl kidnapped while her family was vacationing in Spain.
Here in the States, a small child wandering around would cause alarm bells to ring for me, and I’d never leave a toddler alone outside in a stroller while I ate.
I hate to write this, but wasn’t there a thread here recently where part of the discussion was about how some Dopers have seen Japanese people swallow vomit rather than let it come out in public?
Growing up in America, my teachers would always admonish students: “Look at me when I’m talking to you!” But then I went to Korean school later in my life where the teachers would slap me for meeting their eyes when they were talking to me. It was considered disrespectful.
I was also considered “selfish” by my classmates because I made it clear I did not like other people borrowing my stuff without asking.
On a related note, I always found it odd that Koreans make such a big deal out of not having physical contact with other people (like handing change over, or during casual conversation) but have no problem with being squashed like sardines in a subway or shoving past each other when walking down the street. Gah. The chaos of Seoul is something that grew on me with time, but to my American sensibilities Koreans in general always seemed rather inconsiderate of others.
I don’t know about it being a Japanese thing, but if I were in a place that didn’t lend itself to vomiting (middle of a restaurant, on the train, at someone else’s home/office, pretty much anywhere other than standing in front of a toilet), that’s what I’d try to do. If the stomach contractions aren’t strong enough to achieve escape velocity, back down it goes.
I’ve also noticed that in many European cities, it’s perfectly normal for same-sex couples to be moderately affectionate in public. In the U.S. it could be asking for trouble.
The Japanese are, in most things, a very polite people. But they will rush into an elevator, etc without waiting for the dudes inside to come out 1st. In America that is pretty damn rude.
I learned that recently.
A friend of mine (female, in her late twenties) a new American student (also female, slightly younger) were sitting in a café on campus. I don’t remember the exact context but somehow my friend’s long-term boyfriend came up in our conversation. Then the American student asked my friend if they planned to get married. The question surprised us but only because here hardly anybody gets married while they are students. That’s something that you might or might not do at a later stage in life but it isn’t something that is on most students agenda. The actual question didn’t bother my friend at all, it was just unexpected. Her answer was a slightly startled “No, not really, certainly not anytime soon.”
However the truly surprising thing was how sorry the American was that she had asked. She was devastated by her perceived faux pas and apologized again and again. Even the next day she met my friend in private and asked her whether she was angry at her.
