So many good - er, bad - suggestions…
For myself, there is probably a show - or indeed a genre - called Gordon Ramsey Cooking Wars Kitchen Hell. No matter how badly I do when my imperfect life is reviewed, I don’t deserve that for all eternity.
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Mine would have all my favorite TV shows and movies, available on demand.
But there would be no way to turn off motion smoothing.
Probably “Eraserhead”. For bonus points, play it at one-tenth normal speed and ten times normal volume.
Thank you for articulating the nagging thought I was having.
My 'Nothin’ But RomComs, All RealityTV, And Commercials Aimed At Seniors’ channel would be incompatible with any diety that wasn’t a dick.
Get right wid’ da Lord, peoples! In heaven, you get to hold the remote.
More Hellacious than a setting where everything is the opposite of what I’d find interesting (like that Night Gallery episode where hippie John Astin is trapped with Frank Worden talking about bunions), or offensive like Fox/OAN/NewsMax: No, TV fare close to what I’d want, but never failing to disappoint. History shows, but instead of political and social science, junk science. Nature shows that are just predator porn. Biography documentaries that are polite hagiographies. That would be torture.
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ESPN and all its derivatives.
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“Reality” TV: Whether it’s about house flippers, or obnoxious a-holes customizing cars or motorcycles.
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Military porn ( worship ) programming in Smithsonian or History channels shoveling out patriotic glurge.
…And of course Fox news or OANN
Come to think of it, the worst thing would be if all the channels showed everything I enjoy - but the picture would be malfunctioning. And the sound would be coming through cracked speakers (just audible enough to hear what I was missing).
I feel like I wouldn’t be a proper Doper if I didn’t pedantically point out that the main portion of Idiocracy takes place 500 years in the future.
Damn, I have to wait even longer for Fuddruckers to change their name!
Spoiler: In Idiocracy, in the future, the Fuddruckers chain has given in and officially changed their name to “Buttfuckers.”
The old bald guy with the ponytail doing Jordan’s Furniture commercials. Retire already!
I’m interested in this redneck channel someone mentioned in the new Blazing Saddles thread.
Pro wrestling.
Real Housewives (from anywhere)
Foreign films without subtitles or dubbing, where the plot looks engaging but I don’t know what’s going on because I don’t understand what anyone is saying.
Judge Judy
The 700 club 24/7
What do I win?
Eternal life.
God I needed that laugh !!
Eternal life watching The 700 Club would indeed be Hell.
The Golf Channel
The Western channels that air Gunsmoke and Bonanza all day and night.
GSN - I’m sick 
of Match Game and its stupid B Celebrity jokes. GSN also has a bunch of low budget games that I had never seen on Network TV
There’s someone watching now in Hell, hoping the channel will change…and God is healing your sciatica…
Paraphrasing Night Gallery. “You know, there’s the same channel Up There. It’s somebody else’s idea of heaven.” (Mine)
For Hell, I would have the same Western Channel, but interrupted every ten seconds for a drug commercial, and then lawyers against that drug commercial.
I’m surprised nobody has mentioned the hotel channel at whatever hotel you’re staying at.
Also the cable instruction channel for whatever cable provider you have.