When they were in a situation like this on the Simpsons, Marge laundered school uniforms in exchange for the fancy prep school giving them a break on Lisa’s tuition. Not sure how helpful that is for the real world.
I wanted to indicate that I’m by no means fabulously wealthy, the cost involved would be significant, and the sacrifices great, etc. The reality is that if this is what my kids want, I’ll find a way to make it happen.
What makes you think that a school that is “not highly regarded for their academic program” is going to help your daughter get into Harvard?
I’m sure to a 14-year-old girl that going to the same schools as her BFF seems like the most important thing in the world. As her parent, you should help her realize it’s not.
I believe it is the responsibility of the parents to instill in their children an intellectual curiosity and motivation to learn, and once that is in place, all schools are pretty much equal as a tool in which the child can progress through the basic process. If a child is inclined in that direction, any school will do, and if not, no school will successfully educate him, at any price. Within the school, the child will find the resources he needs to fulfuill his educational thirst.
Not the old “social learning” canard.
You want to know what really twists children socially? Locking them up with 30 other kids the same age for months at a time. I mean really, in what other aspect of life are you forced to socialize only with individuals aged within six months of you?
My daughter had far richer social engagements with other kids, of all ages, and adults once she stopped going to public school.
Throwing money away to make them happy is easy now and heartbreaking later. What’s the cost of giving them what they need?
I went to a private high school with a similarly high price tag. In my case, the school did give us a very good financial aid package (all grants, my dad would not have done loans for high school), my parents paid nowhere near full tuition. I also only went for 3 years (last 3 years) to save money, with the school’s blessing. It was a stretch for my parents, but they were not dipping into their retirement, or remortgaging their house or anything like that. They are now retired quite comfortably.
IME most private schools will publish financial aid stats to give you some idea of what your chances are for getting aid - average aid award, and % receiving aid. I just checked, and at my school 46% percent receive some sort of aid. So, I’d see what this school does. If it’s 10%, and the average award is under $10k, then I wouldn’t get your kid’s hopes up. But, who knows, it may work out. I never imagined I would have been able to go to an expensive old private school, but my dad (a college professor) knew what to look for and he made it happen.
What do you mean by “need”?
I’m a big supporter of public education and - provided your public schools are adequate and safe - would strongly advise against mortgaging your future to pay for private school.
Put that $40k (or whatever you would be spending) into enrichment activities, counseling, or a college fund.
I went to a private college prep school for high school, after K-8 grades being in the local public schools.
On one hand, I didn’t exactly fit in, not like I had in public school. My family was educated and middle class, but we weren’t particularly high income, and we were coming out of a period when my dad had been unemployed for a few years. Not a huge deal in public school- as broke as we were, I was by no means one of the poorer kids in my classes. But in high school, after Dad had a solid white collar job working for the city, and mom was a teacher with about 8 years of experience, I was STILL one of the poorest kids in my high school class, as we weren’t in that income level that comes from being a successful cardiologist, Hakeem Olajuwon’s personal accountant, partner at Fulbright & Jaworkski, or an executive with BP America, or that kind of thing (what 4 of my classmates’ fathers did for their livings).
I don’t want to say that I was excluded exactly because that wasn’t true, but I was always something of an outsider- I hadn’t gone to the same small set of Catholic private middle schools, I didn’t go to the same set of 5-6 Catholic churches, and I didn’t live in the same basic areas of Houston that the rest of them did, plus there was the income thing. So to some degree it was self-exclusion, because I didn’t have my own car, or didn’t have the money to do some of the things those guys did.
On the other hand, academically, I got a FAR better education than I’d have got in my local public school. Both in terms of rigor and in terms of breadth- enough so that my first year in public state college, it was too easy, and I slacked off too much as a result.
Another positive was because the school was much smaller (like 1/6 the size) of the local public school, it meant that it wasn’t nearly so impersonal. I mean, I knew everyone in my class by name, and most of the classes one grade above and below. Teachers actually knew us and we had some of them more than once in our high school career. In terms of extra-curriculars, it meant that you had a greater chance of making the teams and/or actually playing.
But at the same time, it was small enough where any goofy behaviors or oddities about you ended up being common knowledge, and private school kids are no nicer or less assholish than public school ones. So I’m not sure it would really help for your son to go to private school, other than the school administration might be more vigilant in watching out for him, but there aren’t any guarantees; they probably have several hundred other kids to watch as well. I always figured that in a relatively large public high school, you can be as anonymous as you want to be, which isn’t the case at a private school, at least not in my experience.
Personally, the real case for the school I went to was if you were in a handful of situations:
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A smart, but indifferent student. The relentless emphasis on academics and pressure to excel, combined with the school’s exceptional reputation would get you into college, or get you into a better college than you otherwise might.
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A good student. The school’s academic prowess might get you into a better school, or might get you more financial aid/scholarships than otherwise. That’s how it worked for me- I ended up with scholarships to college that I wouldn’t have come close to with the same class rank and GPA in a public school.
Otherwise, it wasn’t the place to go for athletic excellence, it wasn’t somewhere that was going to straighten you out in a boot-camp kind of sense, and while it is probably better for networking than a public school, it’s still very locale-specific, and dilutes a lot after graduation, as a lot of those people scatter to the four winds for college and afterward. I probably have nearly as many high school connections in Austin these days as I do in Houston, where I went to high school.
I will offer one more positive thing- we had a dress code that amounted to business casual, and instead of being a method for people to display their wealth and status, like public school students do with clothing and shoes, it ended up being something along the lines of a uniform for us; nobody gave half a shit if one guy had Ferragamo shoes, and another had whatever was on sale at the Sears Outlet. Same for slacks, shirts and belts. So in that respect, it was a real breath of fresh air for me; my middle school had been absurdly brand-conscious, despite the large number of lower-middle/working class students.
I don’t think a private school is more likely to get her into Harvard. Nowhere and nothing can make that a sure thing anymore, but if you want to maximize that chances, use that money to get her a top notch private college counselor right away–don’t wait–and do what they say. Also remember that if your household income is in the $150K+ range and she gets into Harvard or something similar, you’ll be paying most of the $65k/year for that, and there won’t be academic scholarships.
Second, think about whether she wants to be the “poor kid” at a rich school. If you stretch too thin to send her, she won’t be able to afford to participate in a lot of the things the other kids do–and that includes big things, like being invited to go to Europe for spring break and having to say no, but also little things as well, like eating out with your friends.
You are entirely correct I don’t know you or your specific scenario, but to clarify I’m not talking about intellectual capacity in this context I’m talking about emotional control. It’s the opposite of retarded when you have a otherwise reasonably bright kid who has a hair trigger temper for acting out physically over teasing provocations and slights. Characterizing this behavior as an “intolerance for injustice” and something he’ll grow out is a somewhat risky path IMO.
Looking primarily at the decision regarding where your daughter will go to school: you seem willing to spend a very very large sum of money based on the desires of a 14(ish) year old. It also sounds like you’re struggling with differentiating between her stated “wants” and actual “needs”.
She wants to go to a pricey high school, because she thinks it’ll help her get into Harvard? Even though the high school’s academics aren’t apparently that great?
She feels that the public school is “compromised”. Is that simply her opinion? Most public schools have information available on college acceptance rates, etc. – does that information jibe with her statement?
Why does she want to go to Harvard? Does she have a particular career in mind already? Or, is it just that Harvard is one of the most prestigious schools in the country? And, just how serious (and, frankly, how realistic) do you think her plans are? For how long has she been talking about Harvard?
(And, just to be realistic: 94+% of kids who apply to Harvard don’t get in: Harvard's Acceptance Rate Falls to Record Low )
I think that the “networking” aspect in high school (as far as being helpful in one’s adult life) is probably overstated, unless we’re talking about a very high end prep school (and maybe we are here, though it doesn’t sound that way to me). IME, it’s networking with other alumni from your college which is far more effective, especially if you wind up moving away from your hometown – and if it’s your plan to go to Harvard, I also suspect that it’s likely that you won’t be moving back to your hometown after college.
IMO, I concur with several other posters – this seems like an enormous amount of money to lay out for their high school, when you could spend a lot less on other things (tutoring, extracurriculars, counseling) that might well serve their needs better.
Manda Jo is very much the expert here, but I’d like to back this up. University admissions officers know that not every student has the same opportunities, and they are VERY savvy at assessing students in different academic contexts. They know the high schools in their recruiting areas very well, and they know how to understand a student’s performance. A fancy private school will give you a success-oriented academic environment and will give you access to counselors who understand Ivy League admissions. But schools are able to recognize bright kids no matter what high school they go to.
Being a bright kid, however, is nowhere near what it takes to get in to Harvard (or any top school) these days. Beyond excellent grades and test scores, your daughter will need to demonstrate a deep, sustained, and significant commitment to something. And we are talking more about “founding a new acting troop for juvenile ex-offenders” or “patenting a new type of lightbulb to help kids do homework in the developing world;” than “president of drama club” or “participant on a two-week voluntourism group to Ghana”.
It’s not impossible, but it will help a lot to have access to a knowledgable professional who can help the two of you understand the landscape.
Why does your daughter feel like Harvard is her goal? Unless she’s a minority, a 4.0 student, and from a geography that is poorly under represented in their application pool, her chances of getting in are extremely low. Hell even with those traits, her chances are extremely low.
$200k for private high school seems like an extremely large college application fee.
Is your daughter passionate about art, music or athletics? I mean, so passionate that she would rather quit school entirely and try to be a full-time artist/singer/Olympic trainee?
Any high school that costs $41K and isn’t delivering 100% on academic performance is wasted money unless it delivers something that your kid wants to do so badly that she’d give up college for it.
Keeping up with the Jones’s, whether for your self or your children, is ill-advised.
This weekend, I went to my nephew’s graduation from a well-regarded private school in Atlanta. From all the ivy draped on the walls, I’m guessing the tuition there is in the $40K ball park. All the graduates are headed for college and there are a handful of kids (out of ~250) who are going to Ivies (no Harvards or Yales, but a couple of UPenns, Dukes, and Cornells). But the majority are off to respectable second-tier schools–the same as you’d find at a very good public high school.
I have to admit to being puzzled by your “what the kids want, I’ll give them” mentality. Kids want a lot of things. Just because this “want” involves education doesn’t mean it should be indulged, especially if money is a real issue for you. If your daughter does have her eyes set on an Ivy League and gets accepted with no financial package, what’s the plan for handling that?
Did you notice the part where he thinks he was mistaken to think they’d miss out on important social learning?
It’s a take on schools having reduced costs, fellowships etc. for the children of workers (both teachers and other), which is common. What doesn’t happen so much is arranging for the school to give the parent a job so the child can attend.
I’m a little bit confused. By a couple of things here!
If it’s going to really stretch you to pay $40k per year, per child for precollege education, all in the hope of them getting into an Ivy League school, then what’s the plan and where are the resources to pay for two kids to attend Harvard going to come from?
It’s your money, your kids, and it’s what they want! What about when they ‘want’ to vaycay in St Tropez with their classmates? You up for stretching to meet that want? Certainly as they get older this is likely to come up, I should think.
Personally I’d favour public education over private for a couple of reasons. Private school kids are meaner, in my experience. The schools lack diversity, unlike the world they will live in. They breed an entitled, ‘But we are the elite!’ attitude. And it’d be putting them into an uneven playing field where, sooner or later, they WILL be made to feel lesser because Daddy doesn’t have a yacht or a private jet.