Here’s the story. My fifth gader is applying to public middle schools right now. He will most likely be accepted to at least one reasonably competitive school which is pretty good academically.
But here’s why we’re thinking of private school…Sports. That’s it. Now, some background. My son is a good athlete, not great at all. Perhaps if he put his mind to it he could be a decent high school athlete, nothing more. So we don’t have any illusions that he’ll be in the NBA or anything like that no matter what. But he really does enjoy sports an awful lot.
But, if he stays in the public schools, he can count on going to school, coming home, doing homework, watching TV, and sports is limited to structured stuff with lots of adults around on occasional weekends. At the private school we’re looking at, he can stay after school and do structured or unstructured sports every day after school.
Academics should be a bit better at the private school, and he’ll fit in with the kids at either place.
Really, the only issue is cost. I’m reluctant to get into the exact dollars involved as that might highjack the thread, but let’s just say on the one hand that the private school is expensive, and on the other hand that if current trends continue, it’s money that we’d never need anyway.
So, if we don’t do it, he spends another three years of his childhood with minimal sports…
I have to say that sports are very important. I won’t bother going to look up the study on the internet, but I know I read about a study a while ago that said kids who are active in sports – or any other healthy activity – are less likely to engage in risky behavior (sex, drugs, crime, etc.). Kids in sports also tend to make more friends and be a lot healthier. So I definitely don’t think that’s a bad thing to base your decision on.
If I were you, I’d take a hard look at the money before I decided, but I say go for it. I wish my parents had been well off enough to send me to private school.
Oh, sorry, I submitted that before I was quite through.
I also wanted to point out my own personal experience. When I was fourteen, fifteen and sixteen I was heavily involved in karate and it really kept me out of trouble. After my dad bullied me into giving it up, I got into lots of trouble because I didn’t have anything else to do besides work, which was no fun. YMMV.
The worry I’d have is that you’d spend the money on the private school, and still just have structured sports which are more to do with the egos of the adults organising them than the kids’ own needs. Plus, he’s heading into puberty, I’m afraid you have no idea what he’ll be like in a couple of years.
Unless he’s NBA material, picking a school because of possible sporting prowess is a mistake. IMO, obviously
If he has a good shot at a competitive public school this year, would he have just as good a shot next year after a year of private school? In other words, could you try the private school and see if it’s what you want for him? Is he the kind of kid who would adjust to the change (both ways) if you talked it over with him? I won’t say that sports are the most important thing, but this doesn’t sound like just sports as such. It sounds more like you want him to have opportunities he might not have at the public school. It may be that having the chance to play sports will make the other parts of school more palatable to him. It might also give him the chance to socialize with his schoolmates more.
I really don’t see that it has to be an irrevocable decision, but it might be worth trying.
Kids aren’t test tubes. You don’t get to add ‘one year of this’ and ‘one year of that’ and concoct your own formula. Every switch of school has the potential to set a kid back massively. Not to mention their confidence, or their social network.
To clarify a point: this is not about performance, it’s about life experience. When I was a kid I came home from school and played sports in the street every day that it wasn’t raining. It was great. As far as I know none of my friends ever achieved a darn thing in sports, but it was great.
I feel sad that my sons, especially this one, doesn’t have that. I think I’m already starting to clarify my thnking a bit as a result of this dialogue and leaning more towards spending the money. It’s starting to feel dumb to let another three years go by with him having limited sports opportunities, and me having some more @#$%^ing money in the bank.
Also, thirdwarning, I’m not too worried aabout this being a failure. Worst that happens is we send him to the private school and he passes on the sports. No big deal. We rationalize by focusing on the other positives of the private school. We’d probably have him stay and then re-consider for high school.
In most areas, if the schools aren’t doing much in the way of sports, there are plenty of private leagues to take up the slack. Some of them are “select” (you have to try out and make the team, and can get cut) and others are “open.”
Middle schoo-aged kids spring into adolescence at frighteningly different rates. Go find a picture of a fifth-grade class. Usually one child is very tall, one is pretty short and the rest are about the same.
Then get a 6th grade class photo. Several of the kids will look like they’re in high school and a bunch of others will look exactly like they did in 5th grade – maybe even the same as they did in fourth grade.
This is the time when kids stop choosing up sides based on who they like, and start picking the best athletes. If you aren’t confident your child is able to hit a 3-point jumper in basketball or execute a corner kick in soccer, better to put him in an open league during middle school and worry about what schools have the best sports programs (and if he has the ability and determination) in 3 years when he’s ready for high school.
Unstructured sports opportunities–what exactly is that? It sounds remarkably like a bunch of kids hanging out and playing a game on their own, which I have to think the kid could have at either school. What it sounds like is that you’re looking at a private school to give the kid a chance to do something he could do anyway, which sounds like something of a waste, both in terms of money and of the social upheaval inherent in changing schools.
No…what I’m trying to say is that he doesn’t have that opportunity now, he’s never had it. I rarely see kids in my neighborhood playing informal sports in the parks or streets.
Sorry if I didn’t make that clear.
BTW, if I wanted to load him up on multiple sports leagues, that is available no matter what school he is in.
Only you know what exactly will be better (sports-wise) about this private school.
Personally, I hated sports in school (a public school) because the other kids were so damned mean, and they all focused on “winning.” I had no fun at all. Sports was torture. I also thought that sports made assholes out of more than a few kids. (I mention this so you’ll know where I’m coming from.)
However, I do know that when a kid loves something and it makes them good to do that thing (no matter whether they’re going to be “successful” at it or make a living at it) then it is a good, loving thing to encourage them to do more of it, as long as you don’t look the other way if they become a little arrogant jerk about it, or are having problems with ego or attitude (I am assuming that this will not be an issue with your son).
For instance, when I was a kid all I wanted to do was take more art classes—good art classes. That’s what gave me some small measure of self-esteem. I’d like to think that if my parents had the money and they had a choice between a public school with minimal (and not very useful to me) art classes, and a private school that had very good art classes, that they’d have put me in the private school. Because it would have been better for me, and would have helped me feel better about myself.
Just make sure that if you do decide to send your kid to a private school that you check their credentials very carefully.
My parents sent me to a private school which bragged of its academic credentials and the number of graduates which had gone on to good colleges. It was a Christian school, and the administrator presented herself as a very pious woman, so my parents took her word at it-- never thinking to question what this oh-so-Christian woman told them.
I found out too late that my diploma isn’t worth the paper upon which it’s printed. According to my state, I’m an eighth grade dropout. The academics were a joke. (Were I not a voracious reader and an all-around curious person, I’d be an utter ignoramous.) Not one of their graduates ever went on to college, unless you count “Bible College.”
I talked to my parents about this intermittently over the years, but they thought I was exaggerating. (I admit I was very hostile to the school, chafing under its ridiculous rules, so they took what I said with a grain of salt.) Whenever they asked about it, the Administrator, with charm that came from years of selling snake-oil, was able to soothe them out of their concern.
It was only when I went to apply for college admission that the real truth was made painfully obvious by the fact that I was told I’d have to get a GED before even the branch campus of our state university would accept me.
Luckily for me, I have a wonderful, fulfilling job which doesn’t require a degree, but I’d be royally screwed if I needed one.
Don’t let this happen to your son. Check their accreditation at the very least.
To me it completely comes down to the quality of the public schools in your area - you don’t give us any info where that is. I’m guessing USA somewhere. Of course if you are in the UK “public school” means exactly the opposite of what it does elsewhere.
Here in Australia public schools give (IMO) a more egalitarian, socially healthy, rounded education, whereas private schools foster a feeling of privilige and entitlement (I was sent to private schools for almost my entire childhood, so I know whereof I speak!). Also many private schools are single-sex, which I believe is socially unhealthy, and have a religious agenda, which I abhor.
What do you mean he doesn’t have the opportunity to play with other kids in the parks or streets? Is there some reason they can’t play in the parks or streets, or is it just that they choose not to? It really sounds as though he has the opportunity and always has, he’s just never taken advantage of it. And if he’s not willing to take advantage of it in the neighborhood, odds aren’t all that great he’ll take advantage of it at this new school.
If you think the private school is overall better for him socially and academically, go for it, but the sports thing sounds more and more like specious part of the equation.
I’m not sure what you mean by your unstructured sports comments either. Do you mean there are few unstructured sports opportunities so you’d like your kid to have the chance to play on school teams?
I will say that I went to private school during my high school years because of extracurricular opportunities and not for academic reasons. I’m very happy I did. The public high school in my district was excellent academically. It also had 5,000+ students. There was little chance for a reasonably talented but not exceptional kid to play a varsity sport, get a spot in a school play, participate in the music programs, etc. with that many kids trying out for spots. An area private school did offer those opportunities.
Since the schools were equal academically, my parents felt it was worth the money to provide me with a fully high school experience. I’m very glad they did. I met my friends more through extra curricular activities than through classes. I also got to enjoy my school since it was more than just a place I took classes. So I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to send your kid to a school where he at least has a chance of getting a spot in a school activity (be it sports, debating, or whatever) as long as the academics are still strong.
I think that all things being equal academically, you should go for. Music is important to us and we plan on using schools that foster that, so I don’t think your situation is much different.
How does your son feel about changing schools?
Could you clarify this:
“…and on the other hand that if current trends continue, it’s money that we’d never need anyway.”
Is this in reference to your son making it big in sports or something else? If it’s the former, I hope he (you) isn’t under the illusion that the NBA is around the corner… Who knows? Maybe it is, but it’s pretty rare.
If your child has a passion for something that can be a clean, healthy outlet as they approach adolescence I say go for it. You and your child will have to determine if sports is a passion or not.
When my daughter was about 8 years old I took her to learn to ride horses. We took lessons together. I had enjoyed riding horses when I was younger and thought it would be a really fun thing to do with her. She fell hard. Loved it all – from mucking the stalls to riding the trails. We quickly went through the equestrian camp route and then faced the big question: “Should we buy her a horse of her own?” Since we have always lived in the city this was a huge expense for us because it meant outrageous boarding fees at the only in-city stables. A good friend of mine whose children were a few years older (so she had “been there - done that” on many of the issues I faced) told me “If she really loves it you need to do it. It is cheaper than drug rehab and a whole more fun way to spend your money.”
It was about the best advice I ever had. We bit the bullet and bought the horse and never regretted it. He may have even turned out to be the best financial investment we made. Our daughter ended up getting full scholarships throughout her whole educational experience. No, they were not based on her equestrian abilities, but I think having something she loved to fill her time and direct her boundless energy focused her and centered her throughout adolescense when it is so easy to run amuck. Would it have happened without the horse? Maybe, even probably. But I will never regret throwing money at something she loved so much. Adolescents will find an outlet. I say do anything you can to make it a good one.
I have to agree with AndrewT on this. I feel very strongly that the most important part of school (pre-college, that is) is the social structure. I attended an inner-city public school and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I learned how to deal with all kinds of people and backgrounds. I know I could have learned more facts and figures during school, but instead I learned how to make good, strong, moral choices because I’d seen people do it right and I’d seen people royally blow it.
I don’t intend to offend or start any arguments. I’m just offering my opinion. And I’m not being very well spoken, for which I apologize.
Also, the “unstructured sports activities” sounds like a glorified after school program to me. Why not save your money, send your son to the public school and sign him up for an after school program with a sports focus?
In the interest of full disclosure, I’m smartini’s daughter. Yes, the horse was a wonderful distraction. I’m sure I would have gotten into more trouble without him. Thanks, Mom!
In my reasonably good public school experience (ended up with a semester of college credit, provided free by the state of NC), we had a lot of gym classes and intermural sports. I loved playing basketball and tennis in class. Even though I didn’t “make the team,” it was easy to stay active and have fun. I was also involved a lot of non-school athletics in 5th grade, like a local softball league and horseback riding.
If there’s a good public school available (and it sounds like there is), then a private school should be a last resort due to learning disability or behavioral issue.
