I’m a pretty good cook. I’ve tackled some complex recipes and succeeded, even made a few masterpieces. But these simple dishes defeat me every time:
Coleslaw; and
Refried beans.
Every coleslaw I’ve ever made tastes like shredded cabbage with mayo on it. I’ve tried wilting the cabbage ahead of time with lemon juice; I’ve tried thinning the mayo with fruit juices; I’ve tried using sour cream instead of mayo. Result: Bleah. Why can’t I get it to taste as good as the cole slaw at any good barbecue joint?
I can make good boiled pinto beans. I can make good chile beans. My refried beans taste ok, but they never taste as good as at the most basic Mexican restaurant. I suppose I shouldn’t worry too much about it, as there are a plethora of great Mexican restaurants in my town and I can buy a pint of refries whenever I need them, but it’s injurious to my inflated cook’s ego that I can’t make them as well at home.
Tomato sauce. The recipes always seem very simple (canned tomatoes, oil, and garlic, cooked in a pan), but I always end up with something that tastes and looks a lot more like raw tomatoes than sauce. Especially the ones that only say to cook it for 20 minutes! Just can’t get the hang of it.
Pie dough.
Just not worth the effort for iffy to horrible results, so I get the frozen pie shells.
and
Roast Beef like my mother used to make - tender, fall off in pieces at the touch of a fork.
I have tried slow cooking, top of stove, baking, crock pot…nothing works…they always come out tough as leather and just about as tasty as a Florsheim as well. It is a constant, expensive futile effort. I quit. Don’t even bother writing a “fool proof” method for making Roast Beer - I be the fool it ain’t proof for.
Coleslaw and refried beans are two things I CHEAT on.
I leave the mayo out of the coleslaw entirely, and just dress it with a peppery vinaigrette. When I want refried beans, I make frijoles borrachos and mash em up with the potato masher just before dinner.
I hate making rice, because it NEVER comes out the same way twice. “Dinner’s in five minutes!..Ooops, the rice seems to be sitting in a pool of tepid broth…Dinner’s in TWENTY minutes!”
And no, I’m not going to buy a rice-cooker, because I don’t make rice more than once a week tops, and I hate appliances that only do one thing.
Chili. I don’t know why. People say they like my chili, and that it tastes good. I never like the taste of my own chili. Other people’s chili, sure. I never get it quite right… or at least I can’t get it close to what I think in my head it should taste like. Maybe I’m trying to hard. I could be putting way too many herbs/spices in it to get to the flavor I’m looking for. Maybe I’ll try again soon and keep it simple. (Maybe I should call my Mom and ask what brand of canned chili she used to feed me. It could be I’m trying to duplicate what I thought was great food as a kid and turns out to be garbage as an adult.)
Biscuits. I’ve tried several “fool-proof” recipes, yet I never can achieve anything but small, hard, hockey pucks. I don’t like biscuits from a tube, however I recently found individually frozen, bagged biscuits. Just pull a few out, put them on a baking sheet and bake for 15 minutes. They are surprisingly good and definitely better than any scratch attempt of mine.
Some ideas (you probably already do this): In the simmering stage, include an onion a some garlic and peppercorns. Fish them out after the simmering is done. No salt! In the frying phase, use bacon grease.
I can cook pretty darn well. I also do some stellar baking, if I do say so myself. My pie crusts are flaky, my biscuits melt in the mouth (the trick is to use chilled fat and cut it into the flour JUST enough to coat it but not to work it till it’s melted). My cookies and breads are delicious.
I cannot, however, make a decent cake from scratch. Never have, never will - it’s all Betty Crocker now. I’ve given up.
I love bread. I spend way too much at bakeries buying sourdough, ryes, focaccia, you name it. But whenever I try to make it (and I do a lot), it comes out with barely a crust and tasting of flour. What I would give to be able to create a good loaf, crusty with a chewy, airy center.
And whole grains? I could build a bomb shelter out of the loaves of rye and pumpernickel I’ve tried to make.
I am a pretty good cook. Or, at least I think I am.
I am unable to make a soft boiled egg. I either over cook them until they become hard boiled or I undercook them and they run all over the place when I break the shell.
My grandma makes perfect soft boiled eggs. Ocassionally I want a soft boiled egg for breakfast just like grandma makes. After ruining four or five eggs I usually just fry one.
In Conceivable, I used to have the same problem. I figured out the trouble: eggs which are ice-cold out of the fridge cook at unpredictable rates. Try this: as soon as you get up in the morning, take an egg out of the fridge and put it in a bowl of hot tap water. It should sit there for half an hour or so, warming up to room temperature. Alternately, take an egg out the night before and let it sit on the counter. Then put on your pot of water and once it boils, drop the egg in and immediately set the timer for four minutes for a large egg (for firm whites and runny yolks). Remember to reduce the heat to a simmer once it comes back to a boil. This works every time for me, and as an added bonus, the shell won’t crack and leak egg white into the water.