What bizarre chimaeric organism would you engineer?

I was reading a GQ thread about crocodiles and alligators, in which a photo of a 7 foot alligator strolling down a residential street, and it struck me that it would be great to have these around as pets, were it not for their unfortunate tendency to kill and eat people.

So my plan is to engineer an artifical hybrid race of crocodilians, with just enough hummingbird and anteater genes to enable them to subsist on insects and nectar. Obviously, I’ll do something about the nasty teeth, and maybe throw in a few spaniel genes to make them amiable and fun to be with.

What would you engineer?

For the purposes of this thread:
[li]Genetics works like it does in the movies - so if you really want, you can create something that’s half whale and half tomato (the WhaleMato! - useful for very large salads)[/li][li]Feel free to handwave away any other potential setbacks - Sneelock will solve them - it’s his job, not yours.[/li][/ul]

How about a Human-Mouse hybrid? Truth can be stranger than Hollywood fiction.

That’s a boring human-mouse hybrid. A better one would lookand behave like Stuart Little.

The young guys at my work talk about stuff like this all the time, for whatever reason. They’ve come up with a veritable menagerie of chimeras, including the fearsome Rhinodactyl, the curious Piranhallama, and the noble Bald Eagator.

As for me, I’d go for a Sharktopus.

I just want a really tiny elephant for a pet.

Like, beagle sized.

If we start a combo of selective breeding and genetic engineering NOW, we should have this done in a couple decades, right? I mean…through ONLY selective breeding, wolves became pugs…combine that with modern science and we should be able to find and modify a dwarfism gene to get mini elephants.

I thought there was some strange vibration on the dope today…

I can already predict a very profitable growth market for cat-girls and plan to get in on the ground floor.

I don’t judge; I just cash the checks.

…Mermaids are out, right? Same with Centaurs?

Well, since tiny elephants have already been listed, I’ll start off with…what the hell, a sequoia redwood/cover hybrid, so I could have a bizarro Alice-in-Wonderland style forest planted. The maturation timescale might be a problem, admittedly.

Or…a specialized fly/anteater hybrid, that eats rotting or diseased tissue with the aid of it’s long, prehensile tongue. Which makes it both the most disturbing and most beneficial to humanity creature on the list.

Dog/tortoise hybrid…solely to extend the average lifespan of the former. :frowning:

I’d like to re-hide our domesticated dogs with lovely snake and crocodilian skin. This would allow us to breed an extreme variety of colours and patterns while completely eliminating problems with shedding and dander allergies.

Horned mega-wolves. To help keep the unwanted and unworthy out of my fortress of strength. Basically, they would be wolves the size of grizzly bears with horns like cape buffalo. I should probably throw in a thick hide, from an elephant, or, a rhino or something, only with fur. Maybe it would be better to give the things fur that acts like armor… does anything have that?

I’d have to stock the horned mega-wolf grounds with quick, cunning prey, so they don’t get sloppy and stay hungry. Some kind of monkey, maybe? That’s it, squirrel-monkeys! They’re small, quick and able climb trees like squirrels, and they’re smart and can swing from branch to branch like monkeys. Their food source would need to be on the ground, of course, otherwise they would never come down.

I’m not sure if this counts as chimeric or not, but I’ve always wanted to have a forest of giant, glowing mushrooms. They would range from ten to fifty feet in height and each one would glow in a different color. You could have ferns and small streams at ground level, too, to provide cover for the horned mega-wolves.

I would create a Cowpig, from which I’d get the best of both… I’d extend the ribcage from ribs 5-12 to get more ribeyes from the Cow portion, and more bacon from the pig portion. The ass end would be pork hams.

It would be the most delicious animal in the world.


I’d take over the delicious world with my patented Fennic Fox Red Panda mix. The cuteness would cause the world to be so fuzzy and warm!

This is after I’ve taken over the global ice market, as it will be a high priority after the global cuteness meltdown.

I definitely would like a Crocodog. No more damp dog smell - and the thing would be able to crash through brambles and thickets with complete impunity.

If you want them, we can make them. Making sentient creatures might bring up some ethical issues for Sneelock to sort out, but I’m sure he can do it.

I’d make something that’s mostly plant and only a little bit animal, so it doesn’t need to eat or poop and can simply drink water and stick a tendril in the dirt to suck out nutrients. I’ll let Sneelock worry about the energy needs of such a creature later

Oh, and definitely cat girls.

The cow from Hitchhikers Guide that wants to be eaten?
The animated fur from Brother in Arms by Lois Bujold would be interesting!

I’d like programmable tree-coral for growing Tudor-style half-timbered houses.

A miniature giraffe, obviously.

:: reads OP ::

:: re-reads OP ::

:: takes drag off cigarette ::

:: reads OP a third time ::

You’ll be hearing from my people, Mangetout.