I have two hernia scars – left and right. They were done in the late 80’s, and so were wide incisions. I believe hernias can be corrected by keyhole surgery now, though.
Anyway, each is above my groin, on either side, but not as far as my hips; They are about 3 inches long and not very noticeable now, simply thin lines of wrinkly untanned flesh. It looks like my lower abdomen is smiling, although they don’t meet in the middle. If I stand on my head, it looks like a bloke with a nose and a bad toupee is frowning.
Well, people can give suggestions and I can decide for myself if they’re boring enough or not.
I don’t desire to discuss details of my personal life with casual acquaintances, strangers, and people I deal with on a professional level. I can’t give rude or flip answers to my boss if he asks me about it at the company picnic, and I see no purpose in being flip to strangers, even if they are rude to me in the first place by gawking and asking personal questions. My personal experience is that vague answers just lead to people asking more questions. If you don’t agree with all of this, than wel’ll just have to agree to disagree.
“Where’d you get that scar?”
“Voldemort. It burns like somethin’ crazy when a new Harry Potter book comes out.”
Have you ever tried just saying politely, “I don’t really care to talk about it” or “I prefer to keep that private”? That’s not vague, and yet it’s polite. Any rudeness in the situation was caused by them, not you. If the boors keep asking, change the subject or ignore them. Excuse yourself and walk away. It is possible to politely disengage.
(I have to ask, how does the topic of a scar on your abdomen come up so often? Are you usually shirtless at the company picnic and on the street?)
That’s just the point - a fake answer about a boring operation is a vague answer. If you want people to do something specific (in this case, to stop talking about something), the most effective method is to tell them so directly. That doesn’t necessitate being rude.
Just trying to help - I hope whatever solution you choose works out for you.
I always thought ‘It’s a long story’ was a generally recognised polite term for ‘none of your business’. It always works for me (and if it doesn’t they are just plain rude) and seems less confrontational than the alternatives.
Failing that, the previous suggestion of it being from childhood and you not really understanding what it was for seems the best option to me. It’s plausible, if people have things all their life they often pay little attention to them.
How about something simple like “I crashed my bicycle when I was eight”, or “I fell when I was just a toddler, they had to repair something, I don’t remember it.” You know, something mundane that everyone has done.
A co-worker of mine has a bad scar on his face. It looks like someone slashed him. The story behind it? Well, when he was a baby, they still used glass baby bottles. One broke, he got cut, and doesn’t remember anything about it now. Not exciting at all.
Exactly. I’m reminded of the famous quote “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” You’re letting them bother you with their insensitivity. As you say, casual acquaintances, strangers, and those you deal with at work have no business knowing what caused your scar. It’s your body…if you don’t feel like talking about, you don’t have to.
I have several prominent scars due to self-injury. When asked, I say ‘It was an accident’ and leave it at that. If the person persists, I say ‘It’s a long story and I don’t feel like sharing it.’ Blunt and to the point. No one has ever pushed farther, nor should they.
Even in romantic relationships, I don’t unload the whole story at first asking. It’s all about when **you ** are ready to tell someone.
I think you’re really missing an opportunity by sticking to the truth, here.
I like the idea of having a long and ever-changing list of “reasons” for the scar.
[ul][li]After the alien came out, they were able to patch me back up. I still have this weird feeling that they left something in there. double over in pain and moan[/li][li]Oh that? Let’s just say that drug smuggling doesn’t pay anywhere near what they tell you.[/li][li]Shhhh Don’t mention the scar or the listening device ever again![/li][li]What scar? AHHHHHHHHHHH![/li][li]Experimental surgery to make me a tiger in bed. Wanna go find out?[/li][li]Seppuku is really not all it’s cracked up to be.[/li][li]Well, the last thing I remember before the scar was driving alone on a deserted road at night and then these bright lights…[/li][li]Lemme tell you, if anyone ever tries to sell you Botox for your belly wrinkles, punch 'em in the nutz for me.[/li][li]While twitching your head [in monotone]You are not authorized to know that.[/li]etc…[/ul]
In similar circumstances I would absolutely say “It’s a long story” and if pushed, “I don’t really want to talk about it, thanks,” with an apologetic smile. Only rarely have I been pushed even beyond that, and I’ll just repeat, “I don’t want to talk about it,” a little more firmly.
Whatever they want to think after that is their own lookout. But I also wonder how all these people are seeing it all the time?
[QUOTE=JustAnotherGeek]
[ul][li]After the alien came out, they were able to patch me back up. I still have this weird feeling that they left something in there. double over in pain and moan[/li][li]Oh that? Let’s just say that drug smuggling doesn’t pay anywhere near what they tell you.[/li][li]Shhhh Don’t mention the scar or the listening device ever again![/li][li]What scar? AHHHHHHHHHHH![/li][li]Experimental surgery to make me a tiger in bed. Wanna go find out?[/li][li]Seppuku is really not all it’s cracked up to be.[/li][li]Well, the last thing I remember before the scar was driving alone on a deserted road at night and then these bright lights…[/li][li]Lemme tell you, if anyone ever tries to sell you Botox for your belly wrinkles, punch 'em in the nutz for me.[/li][li]While twitching your head [in monotone]You are not authorized to know that.[/li][li]etc…[/ul][/li][/QUOTE]
I’m going to remember these… 
Oh, and the “flip answers” vein, I thought of another one: “Well, one morning I woke up in a bathtub full of ice . . .”
If you are going to lie, go big. Haven’t you learned anything from Karl Rove?
You got the scar wresting with a great white shark off the coast of Bermuda.
Has the OP tried the route of ‘I’d rather not discuss it, thanks’? Several people have suggested it, but we haven’t heard how it actually went down when/if the OP tried it.
I honestly can’t think of any lie that would be less interesting. Your suggestion of saying it’s a martial arts injury would only further my interest, should I ask you.
And to be honest (cos honesty is good, y’know), I’m the sort of person that would ask. But I would also add ‘if you don’t mind my asking’ and drop the subject if necessary.
Wear a shirt?
StG
Why not use this as an answer?
Why are these people seeing the scar anyway?
Denial.
Casual Observer - “How’d ya get the scar?”
BrightNShiny - “What scar”?
CO - (pointing) “That one!”
BNS - (looking in the direction of the point) “Where?”
CO - (sigh) “Right. There.!”
BNS - (innocently) “I have no scar.”
CO - “Sure ya do! I see it right there!”
BNS - “I have NO idea what you’re talking about.”
CO - “THAT scar! Right THERE (poke poke). See?”
BNS - “What the HELL are you talking about?”
… well… you get the idea. Go on denying ad infinitum. If you can get a confederate to also deny the existance of the scar, all the better.
Sooner or later, they’ll tire and drop it.
Or, do just the opposite.
Feign ignorance; then notice it for the first time.
“DEAR LORD!!! WHAT the hell happened to me?!”
Say you got it in the joint.
I don’t think people are being ruse asking about your scar. They’re just curious. Just say, “an operation I had when I was young,” and follow it with, “I don’t really want to go into it.” That way, they won’t be trying to figure out if it was a great white or a car wreck or a knife fight, and may actually listen to what you’re saying.
(emended quote for clarity)
The rudeness is not in the curiosity; it’s in the asking. I’m definitely curious about the story behind this scar now, as I’m sure many of us are. Don’t see us asking, though, do you? That’s because (1) the OP has made it clear that he/she doesn’t want to talk about it, and (2) we’re not rude assholes. You (generic you) don’t bother other people with questions about scars, missing limbs, or other disfigurements just to satisfy your own curiosity. It’s none of your business, and it’s likely that they don’t care to talk about it to every Tom, Dick, and Harry.
Actually, there’s a selling point for being upfront with the jerks: it worked in this thread. Try it in real life and you might be pleasantly surprised.