“I want you to love me for my mind, not for the quality of my fabrics!”
Most of the Indians I know and have contact with are graduate students, usually studying engineering.
I find the women BEAUTIFUL, and my 8 year old son has a huge thing for Indian women. He says he will only marry a woman from India.
So the ones I meet tend to be studious and smart, but I know that’s a selection bias when you only meet engineering graduate students.
Aha–now I get it.
Yes–from what I’ve seen, an Indian girl is treated like a delicate flower or jewel/treasure, which can be nice except that maybe she just wants to be herself. It’s the “putting her in a box” mentality–American girls suffer from it, too. Not all, not as badly (now) but it is still with us.
I seriously wouldn’t have minded dating an Indian boy, but none ever came my way. I like what little Indian music I’ve been exposed to–in small doses. I’m not a huge music fan of any type of music (I get bored with it and it’s never background to me–I can’t help but listen to it).
Also, don’t (and I’m sure you don’t) underestimate the deep, deep ignorance that Americans have re India. At least in UK, whites and others get more exposure and they get lessons about India in their history classes. We never conquered you or invaded you guys, so we don’t learn a thing. Sad.
I grew up next to a family of Asian Indians so my opinions are horribly biased but this is what I think:
-The women are incredibly good-looking
-They’re smart and driven
-They respect and try to blend into American culture (they all took American names and it wasn’t until I was older that I realized my neighbor’s name wasn’t really James.)
-They’re great cooks
-They love to deal; you scratch my back, I scratch yours. They owned several chain hotels and my dad worked for an airline, so they flew everywhere for free and we stayed in hotels everywhere for free. That practice just seems old-school to me between Americans, like it happened a lot 50 years ago but not so much anymore, but I thought it was awesome.
-They’re very family oriented. Lots of cookouts, volleyball games, parties, etc.
-They seemed to me to be very patriarchal but I never had a conversation with them about that or anything. But grandpa was revered and mom did all the cooking and cleaning. I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with that as long as everybody is happy and playing their role willingly.
-They like to share. We used their basketball goal without asking and they used our trampoline without asking.
Like I said, I know I’m biased but when I meet an Indian I automatically like them. They were the best neighbors we ever had, without question.
I grew up in upstate NY then moved to the Greater Boston Area after college more than 20 years ago now. I don’t remember knowing anybody of Indian descent before I got to Boston, although I know from my sister that there are now a fair number of Indians in the area where I grew up (mostly IT professionals and doctors).
I realized immediately that some Indian women are quite attractive. I tend to like dark hair and brown eyes, and ethnic (meaning non-WASPy) looks generally though so this isn’t too surprising. I think the rate of attractiveness is about the same as for any other equally huge group of people.
As has been noted again and again many Americans don’t know much about other countries. This was certainly true for essentially all of the Near, Mid, and Far East, and South Asia until very recently (9-11 may have started to change that).
I think many Americans still get confused about relatively subtle things in this regard, my sister says her Indian friend gets very indignant that my sister can’t tell at a glance if a given person is of Indian or Paskitani descent for example.
(When I started working at a company near Central Square in Cambridge MA in the late 1980s we had a lot of menus for take-out lunch places nearby. Someone had helpfully sorted them into folders by type of cuisine: Italian, Chinese, etc. The menus for the Indian restaurants (and there were a lot of them) were in the folder marked “Middle Eastern”. )
So I think it is fair to say many Americans are barely if at all aware of the differences between Indian/Paskitani/Bangladeshi, Hindu/Muslim/Sikh/whatever, etc. Also most people are not going to be aware of the difference between people born in India vs. people of Indian descent who were born in the UK or elsewhere.
Aside from the ones who own or work in restaurants most of the people of Indian descent that I have met seem to be either in the IT field, doctors, or other professionals (scientists, for instance). I haven’t run into many at all working in convenience stores, and few running hotels either (from what I understand another stereotypically Indian job, at least in some areas).
The Indian families I have had the most contact with lately are the parents of other kids at the private school my son attends. As you might expect they tend to be upper middle class or higher, sometimes the husband just works and sometimes both parents work. They have all been very warm and friendly, I have been to several multiethnic/multiracial parties at their houses.
As far as Indian men treating women poorly, I have run into that belief here and there among non-Indians. For example a long time ago I worked with a woman from South America whose husband was from India (I never met the man). She had some kind of trouble at home and missed a few days of work, someone else I worked with at the time hypothesized her husband had hit her and she needed to take a few days off because of bruises, which seemed to me to be a heck of a leap to make. :dubious:
The “terrorist” business again I would put down to general unfamiliarity amongst many Americans to people from other countries.
I realized after making my earlier post that I forgot to mention a personal impression I have of Indians in the US – they seem to be very good at networking with other Indians.
I attended a women’s college with a fairly large number of South Asian exchange students. I remember some of my other American classmates expressing their astonishment that the “Indian girls” (not all were actually from India) seemed to so quickly find Indian boyfriends at nearby schools. “How is it that I never meet any guys, and she’s practically just off the plane and already has a serious boyfriend!”
The answer was that the South Asian girls at my school made a collective effort to meet other South Asians…including/especially guys. They organized an annual Diwali party on our campus and attended events sponsored by Indian student groups at other schools. The school where I did my graduate degree had a very large and active Indian student association that threw parties and dances all the time (not just traditional cultural things but “dress to impress” nightclub events) and also kept their membership informed as to similar happenings at other universities in the region.
Thanks for the answers guys - let me address a few things:
Haggling
In India most places encourage haggling. Fixed prices are rare, and there are “fixed price” stores which serve this purpose. Indian women are some of the best hagglers in the world.
Many Indians ARE cheap I’m afraid to say. My brother worked for an Indian real estate agent. His most hated customers were other Indians. He knew they’d cut his profit margins as small as possible.
Accents
I loathe the Indian accent, I think it’s one of the ugliest accents around. Thank god I don’t have one. I never met somebody of my age with an Indian accent until I was 22. All the Indians I ever met had British accents.
Superstitious
In my experience only the ones from India. Most Indians I know are quite strong in religious feelings. They’re either really into it, or hate it. Not many people who are in the middle in my experience.
Cars
Not a single one of my US based relatives owns an Accord. The typical Indian car is usually a BMW or a Merc. Many of my relatives drive Corollas or Escalades and one has a Hummer.
Vegetarianism
Many Indians are vegetarian, but it also depends on the region of India the family is from. My family all eat meat, including beef. I get people thinking I’m a vegetarian, and it pisses me off big time. Many north Indians are not vegetarian,
This happened to me in a Chipotle a year ago:
Me: Can I have a carne asada burrito please?
Server: That’s meat
Me: I eat meat
Server: It’s pork
Me: I eat pork
So in the space of 10 seconds he thought I was a vegetarian and a Muslim…
Patels
I never met a Patel until I was 19. They’re Gujarati, I’m not…
Turbans
Most Indians don’t wear turbans. Some Sikhs do, but many more Sikhs don’t wear a turban. Even in Punjab, the homeland of the Sikhs, turban use is declining. The only time many Indian men wear a turban is during their wedding ceremony.
Appearance
Another thing that I hear is that Indians are short, dark and skinny. I’ve got 4 brothers, all 6ft plus, and we’re by no means out of the ordinary for Punjabis. I have female cousin who is 6ft tall, and the average height of my US-Indian female cousins is 5’7". My tallest brother is 6’3". A Punjabi guy who lived across thr street from me was 6’6", and his sister was 6’2".
You want to see some fat Indian people? gatecrash an Indian wedding in Sacramento. I’m related to half the fuckers ;o
I showed a friend a bollywood song and she said that the actors “don’t look Indian”. WTF is that supposed to mean? Some Indians look white - my mother looks Italian. My grandmother has bright blue eyes.
It seems to me that a lot of people have only met Gujuratis - Patels are Gujurati. They are shorter than the average white person. I’m Punjabi, we’re as tall as Europeans.
If you want an illustration of how varied India is look at this woman - she’s a mizo and took part in Miss India a few years ago:
Porn
There are Indians in porn, but Indian women are very careful about their behaviour on the whole, and they want don’t the public to know about it. Most of the Indian women who appear in western porn have walked out on their families, or are with non-Indian partners who supported their move into the business. There have been a few documentaries about British Indian women in porn.
Funnily enough, many of them are Muslim, from very strict families. I guess this may be similar to the classic ex-Catholic-schoolgirl stripper stereotype? Porn is made in India too.
Family labour
Using family member in their stores is how they save cash. I think it is immoral, if they don’t pay the market rate. I once overheard my doctor’s daughters complaining about the fact that their father never paid them for
Hindu Punjabis!
Anamika - I get the same crap too from other Indians. Some have even asked me if I’m mixed, since in their eyes Punjabi = Sikh. It fucks with their mind when I tell them that most Punjabis are actually Muslim. A further mindfuck is when I tell them that I grew up with loads of Punjabi Christians, These people’s families have been Christian for over 100 years.
Child marriage
The legal age for marriage in India is 21 for a guy, and 18 for a woman. It stopped in my family a couple of generations ago. My grandmother married at 7, but my father was 27 when he married my mother. It still exists in a few small pockets of India.
They’re called Oriental. The term is not considered offensive.
My stereotype is that I swear to fucking god every last Indian in the Chicago area seems to know each other. I’m a wedding photographer and it’s happened to me several times already that either an unrelated, non-referral Indian bride or groom will recognize the couple in one of my sample albums (of an Indian wedding), or some random Indian dude sitting at a nearby table will spy my album, come up to me and say, “Hey, is that Manish? I know him.” I kid you not. This has happened to me more than once.
Heh. I’ve encountered this in trying to date several Indian men. In all cases they sent very mixed signals. And I found that they didn’t understand American humor, especially the self-deprecating, teasing, or sarcastic kinds.
Only only know 3 Indian guys well, but one thing they have in common that sets them apart from Americans is their love for and skill at networking. They love trading business cards and the like. I think they all have dozens (or hundreds) of birthdays in their blackberries.
Sacrilege!!! 
I am afraid i cant let that go without a response. From the sublime to the crap - indian music covers the entire spectrum. I offer a few samples for your perusal. Some of the musical styles will be familiar, others not. I have selected the list for listenability.
Singer: Bombay Sisters.
Genre: Classical, remixed respectfully by AR Rehman
Song About: Alai Payuthe Kanna a classical tamil devotional about Krishna
Singer: Abida Parveen
Genre: Sufi [Blend of hindu/islam mystic systems]
Song: Lal Meri Pat. A pean, in praise of a Sufi figure.
Band:Avial
Genre: Malayalam Rock [Malayalam is an Indian language]
Lyrics about: The monsoon hitting the shores of Kerala, an old poem about the dark clouds rolling in like elephants.
Song: Deedar De
Genre: Hindi Film song [could be lifted from an Asian Dub Foundation song]
About: Its not a profound song, it just is like any other music video.
Does the fact that they wear a turban have any other meaning (religious, cultural, whatever) these days? Some guy who works in the same building as me wears one and he always looks so damn serious all the time.
Half my life the only easy to travel to countries were Canada and Mexico. The Cold War was on and internet wasn’t available. Teachers concentrated on countries we fought with or against in WWII and Vietnam was currently happening. Those were the people our relatives interacted with, and knew. They were the people that had their culture in festivals in this country. India and the mid east were of no concern, but Russia sure was. I don’t know why people expect others half way around the world to know much about their culture, unless they are doing something like attacking them. I’m sure if I was British and a hundred years older I’d know more about India. To be noticed you need to do something notable to draw attention, like start a war, or become an economic miracle, or start a space shuttle to mars, because people can only take in so much information. People remember the highlights of life.
It depends whether we’re talking about someone who has been here 5-10 years or someone who is newly arrived. Newer arrivals can be difficult to work with; for some reason they seem to me pushy and demanding. Their English skills are often poor, and sit often seems like they get frustrated and hostile when they can’t communicate. But that’s just the new arrivals… as to the ones who have been here a few years, there’s nobody who I’d rather work with. They are generally very well-assimilated and I can’t think of any distinguishing stereotype except that professionally speaking, they’re very polite, hard-working and cooperative. Maybe that’s just because nice people get their visas renewed? I don’t know.
Edited to add: As far as Indian women, I’d say the hotties and not-hotties occur with about the same frequency as any other group, but Indian hotties are a special smoking kind of hot.
Orthodox Sikhs wear turbans as part of their religion. They have to carry five things on them at all times
kach - iron bracelet
kang - a wooden comb
kes - uncut hair
kripan - a strapped sword (or knife, usually, in the Western world)
kaccha - I always forget this one. It’s special underwear.
The turban is because they are also supposed to cover their hair (men and women alike, in this religion). Most Sikhs I know wash their hair with shampoo once a week or so, but rinse it several times a week, some daily, and then wrap it patiently in the turban. Some less than that of course. It’s a PITA to wrap it, though one gets good over time.
I’m not sure why your coworker wears one if he is not Sikh. (You didn’t say).
I’ve never talked to him because he’s always coming in when I’m leaving and works in a different department. How do I tell? His skin seems a little darker than other Indian people who work there. The Wikipedia article on Sikhs mentions a beard; he definitely has that. I never looked for a bracelet, though it’s possible, and I doubt security would let him bring a sword or knife into the building.
You probably can’t tell, unless you ask directly, but honestly, the turban is a pretty good sign. I’ve not met any Indians, in memory, that would wear a turban to work if they were not Sikh.
And there are special knives, I believe, that work for Western culture (i.e. non-sharpened or peace-tied), but he may just leave it home.
If you do see the bracelet, that is probably a good sign. But know that I have an iron bracelet I wear sometimes, for the hell of it, and like I said, I’m neither Sikh nor religious. I just wear it…just because. 
Ugh, I don’t like to stereotype people. But, I"ll be honest. My most hated clients are Indians. I work in the brokerage industry.
- The fucking haggling. You are NOT getting my best deal on whatever we’re negotiating. Why? Because 10,000 of your friends will be calling me asking for the same exact deal. If I’m willing to make a concession of some sort for Dr. Patel with a multi-million dollar account, I’m not willing to make it for the 21 year old niece with the 10,000 dollar account.
I can’t begin to tell you the number of accounts I’ve seen notes on that read:
NO FURTHER ADJUSTMENTS ON THIS ACCOUNT****** Client will keep calling and asking for free trades on account. Client is no longer profitable.
-
The rudeness. Many Indian men and women are downright rude and pushy. I’d rather deal with New Yorkers on crack than Indians.
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The accent. I know it is my own bias, but the accent has that nails on chalkboard sound to my ears.
Just one man’s opinion, but I find it hard to “grade” the attractiveness of non-white women as anything other than “hot” or “ugly”. If I see a decent-looking white woman who isn’t all dolled up, I can still ascertain her “potential” if she would simply try.
I hate to stereotype people too, but here goes . . . I’m the only non-Indian in my department, and even outside my immediate group the vast majority of my co-workers are Desi. In my experience, they are universally smart, hard-working, conscientious people. They’re also just nice folks. My group makes a serious effort to include me and not make me feel like an outsider in any way. I’m invited to - and attend - Diwali celebrations, kids’ birthdays, wedding and baby showers outside of work. It’s great for me (look up WASP in Wikipedia and you’ll see my picture) to get a view into a very different and fascinating culture. I understand that my friends are mostly IIT graduates and therefore represent the expatriate intelligentsia, but it’s hard for me to discount my favorable prejudice.
Oh, and while I’m at it, the culture really isn’t that different at the basic level - my friends are very family oriented and take really good care of their relatives. We share jokes and music and seem to have the same core values.
On a more trivial level, all our work celebrations and lunches are at Indian restaurants, and I just LOVE Indian food, so I’m quite happy here in my little corner of Western India!