Hey! That guy won an Oscar! And I kind of liked the name Oscar for a boy. My mind is blown.
Actually the haircut looked just like this: Baby’s haircut - now with music.
I am pretty sure, btw, that I sang that song during my c-section when I had haircut boy. I was heavily sedated.
Thank you for the condolences, Kythereia . Despite my gallows humor, it’s appreciated.
I’m a nursing student, and this thread makes me queasy. I am so disappointed in myself! I seriously need to get myself desensitized, fast. 
Condolences to everyone, also–I recently talked myself out of getting pregnant (long story), and I feel a little sad at the loss of that potential. Quite a lot sadder than I expected I’d be. So I imagine that, should I ever miscarry, I’ll be a bit of a mess.
Caricci, you are a remarkable woman. I only wish I could deal with hardships with 1/100th of the aplomb and great humor that you do. Your loved ones (especially haircut boy!) are very fortunate to have you. And condolences to you, as well as the others in this thread, who’ve miscarried. I can’t even begin to imagine the journey you all face.
{{{hugs}}}
I lost a baby far enough along in pregnancy that the baby was about the size of a mouse. I held him/her in the palm of my hand. At the time I was more shocked, the grieving came later. It happened at home; the baby was not bloody–just wet with amnionic fluids, warm, clearly not alive. I had to go to the hospital to have a D&C and took the baby (not sure what you all want me to refer to it as) in a soft cloth. The doctors wanted to examine the baby–I had told them I thought there was something wrong–and they later concurred that the brain was developing outside of the skull. The doctors asked if I wanted the remains back for burial and I said no. This reflects my personal views on bodies–dispose of them as quickly as possible–not my views on the value of my pre-born child. So the hospital dealt with the remains. We had a time of prayer and grieving for what might have been, but it was tinged with thankfulness for having been spared the difficulty of dealing with an ancephalic child.
Dear, it was yours, refer to it, uh, as you wish.
I’m so sorry for your loss, while at the same time relieved with you that you didn’t have a tragic motherhood. The two aren’t mutually exclusive - being spared the one doesn’t mean you didn’t feel the loss of the other.
Caricci, TokyoPlayer, Smeghead, condolences all 'round. And thanks for sharing your personal experiences in this thread. It’s a sad thing to have in common.
Thanks to all of you who offered condolences.
For me the greatest condolence was already having a healthy (albeit badly coiffed) child. I know certain others aren’t as fortunate and to them I extend my most sincere sympathy.
As others have said, it does depend on how far along the pregnancy is. My wife and I had 6 losses, three in the second trimester. The early ones were at 8 weeks and appeared as nothing more than large clots. The other three babies were all baptized and buried. ** Caricci**, don’t worry about the dark humor. My wife and I said that we were on our way to creating a golf course with all the holes we dug. Yeah, we’re morbid and sick but it helps us to get through.
The worst of the burials was the last one, Tommy. He was 22 weeks, lived for 30 minutes after the emergency c-section and died in my hands, gasping for breath. My wife had to stay in the hospital for several days to recover from the surgery. Her uncle was a mortician and he took Tommy.
Her uncle asked my FIL what we wanted done. My FIL told him to bury the baby right away! I guess he thought he was going to save us the pain of another burial. When I found out I flipped. I called the uncle and told him that we wanted a service just like we had done for the other two and that if he didn’t dig Tommy up immediately that I would head to the cemetery and dig him up with my own hands. He did it.
The day of the service my wife and I wanted to put a small receiving blanket and a flower in the box (it was just a small wooden box and so calling it a casket isn’t really appropriate). I opened the lid and found butcher paper. I unwrapped the paper and found my son in a clear plastic bag with a big orange sticker that had the biohazard symbol and the words “Medical Waste” on it.
We put the blanket and flower in the box, I closed the lid and then we had the service.
Slypork, you and your wife have all my sympathy. What a terrible ordeal! I hope you’re enjoying happier times.
Thanks. My wife had her tubes tied during the c-section so we won’t go through that kind of thing ever again. Times are, for the most part, better. There are some long term problems as a result of the operation that I have posted about before. We just deal with it as best we can.
To some people, it is their baby that they lost. The hospital took pictures of the first two late term losses, Erin and Bridget, and we took pictures of Tommy. We don’t display them but I keep copies in my wallet next to the pictures of my other kids. In our curio cabinet we have little angel statues with their names.
Everyone is different and handles a miscarriage differently. Some see it as an inconvenience while others mourn the loss of a child. When we had our first loss my wife’s grandmother sat with her and told how she had lost 4 babies and still thought of them, especially on the day that she lost them. 60 years later and she never forgot.
I’m so sorry for all the losses endured by everyone who has posted.
I worked as a doctor in O&G for a while and so I can say what our hospital did, if that’s OK. Other hospitals in different places will do things differently, but I thought I could maybe offer some info, and perhaps some reassurance that things are done with respect and care.
If someone miscarries at home before 24 weeks of pregnancy, they can do whatever they wish.
The options:
Dispose as they would normally dispose of menstrual blood.
Take the remains to an undertaker to arrange burial or cremation.
Bring to hospital for examination only and arrange private burial or cremation themselves.
Bring to hospital to allow the hospital to arrange disposal with or without examination.
Late pregnancy losses after 24 weeks are classified as stillbirths and must have a Stillbirth Certificate issued by a doctor. Most women will deliver in a hospital. The hospital will arrange a burial or cremation in accordance with the parents’ wishes, alternatively the parents can arrange a private funeral and burial or cremation with their own undertaker.
The parents will decide whether or not they wish any kind of post mortem, and if so they can choose to limit it. They will also be asked whether they will allow any organs or tissues to be removed, and if so whether they wish these returned prior to the remains being released for burial/cremation or at a later date for separate disposal, either privately or by the hospital. The consent form for autopsy and disposal has a places for “if no foetus is identified” and “if a foetus is identified”, this allows people to decide exactly what they want done. The same form is used for ectopic pregnancies, miscarriages and terminations of pregnancy.
Often in first trimester miscarriages and D&Cs no foetus is seen, usually after 12 weeks or so foetal parts are seen at D&C and a foetus would be seen in a spontaneous miscarriage. Most women have to go through some form of labour and delivery after 12 weeks and an identifiable foetus will be delivered.
For parents who deliver an identifiable foetus (as opposed to a D&C), are offered the opportunity to see and hold the baby and to wash and dress it if they wish. The nursing staff will wash the baby, wrap it in a blanket, take hand and footprints, and if they are able to, they will cut a lock of hair. The baby is placed in a special tiny Moses’ basket and the hospital photographer will take a photo. The parents are able to have a naming ceremony or baptism if they wish.
The photo, foot and handprints and hair are placed in a special book for the parents to take home if they wish. If not, the hospital keeps the book in case they want it at some point in the future, no matter when that might be. Some people are only ready to look at photos years afterwards, but still want that option.
If the parents choose hospital disposal of the remains, the hospital arranges respectful burial, with a non-denominational service, once a month at an unmarked mass grave (at the “angels plot” of the local cemetary), where all the remains from the preceding month are interred together. Alternatively a similar mass cremation is arranged if the parents prefer this option. This is free of charge. There is an annual non-denominational service of Remembrance and Thanksgiving and all parents who have suffered such a loss are invited to attend.
I hope this is useful.
On second thought, erase that post. Sickest joke ever.