I don’t really care one way or the other.
It depends. Are you a Yankees fan?
If you’re concerned about how your close friends will react… they’ve probably known for years already. (Well, I can’t guarantee that’s always the case. But it was true of a close friend of mine.)
I’m a cis woman, and I had two gay friends in high school in the 60s. It’s never been gross to me because it’s been part of my life for so long. Even in elementary school, the son of our church librarian was gay, and I didn’t think anything about it. On the flip side, I’ve also had a lot of lesbian friends, and they don’t “gross me out,” either.
I am a recovering right wing conservative prick. But I was never a Trump supporter.
A conservative? Hey, lemme tell ya what I think about them!
I get it. I see a beautiful woman and can totally get why men are sexually attracted to her. I am aware of all the things that get men sexually aroused, it just doesn’t create the same reaction in me.
I spend a fair amount of time with a woman who won an international beauty contest. She is smoking hot, smart, humble, funny… she is ALL that. And it is totally wasted on me. None of that stirs even a little bit of sexual attraction. It is kinda funny the men who would love to hang out with her and I am the one who gets to spend so much time with her.
I am an Ohio State Buckeyes fan. If you don’t root for that team up north, we should be able to get along just fine.
Yeah, that’s kind of the other half of what I was on about before; I realize it’s maybe one step removed from the topic at hand, but: when it comes to lesbians, I genuinely don’t get how I’m supposed to have a negative reaction if someone explains that they find women attractive, because — uh, I agree? What you’re saying makes perfect sense to me? How the heck else could I respond, other than being on the same page, given that we’re on the same page?
…and, from there, given that I don’t happen to have any negative feelings about women finding men attractive, I likewise can’t actually find any negative feelings about men finding men attractive; why would I?
They were all surprised. 1 of my 4 closest friends has stuck with me. The other 3 haven’t. My best friend who stuck with me said “I have always thought you are an idiot. Now I just think you are a gay idiot. So nothing has changed”. Honestly, I wouldn’t expect any other response from my best friend.
Well, you get to spend time with an awesome person who you are not sexually attracted to–win for you, probably win for her! I (straight male) have had sexual dreams about men on rare occasion and often wonder why women aren’t all gay (men are kinda gross in many ways). As to gay guys? I have one friend who is the epitome of the stereotype and I wonder, “Dude, can you see yourself?” I guess the stereotype has a basis? I always thought the limp wrist and affected speaking was bullshit, but this guy has it in spades, and it’s hilarious. Great guy.
I do, too. But I also wonder how some people can enjoy the taste of broccoli. And yet I manage to cohabitate happily with a broccoli-lover, much as I work with and enjoy the company of plenty of gay men.
Pretty much my exact feeling.
Welcome to the Dope!
Do you feel revolted when you see somebody eating food you don’t like?
How about when you see somebody obviously married to, and presumably having sex with, a woman you find entirely unattractive?
How about when you find out that somebody plays a sport or a game that you find boring?
– You can eat all the spaghetti you want, and that won’t make me think you’re disgusting; even though I think the idea of eating it myself is nauseating.
Hell, when I (also female) was about 15, in the 1960’s, I thought it was disgusting. (Though at least I had the sense to think that people had the right to do it anyway.)
And that was definitely cultural; or else it was definitely being 15. (I thought some heterosexual things were repulsive, too, at the time; about some of which I changed my mind later.) I grew up, and I grew out of it. I have lesbian friends, and I don’t find them disgusting – why would all men find gay men disgusting?
Many of the men who would love to hang out with her probably notice, or care about, only the first of the four characteristics you listed. You noticed, and found notable, all four; which is why she’s hanging out with you, and not with them.
I have to say, the first thing I think about is NOT your sex life. Or anyone’s.
If after I know a person awhile, and they feel the need to explain that to me I usually just listen without much comment or judgement. It’s really their business.
I certainly couldn’t advise them much past vague relationship advice.
And, I don’t have much to go on there, except anecdotal.
I just don’t bother to think about it in most situations, and why should I? I don’t find the vast majority of women sexually attractive but I still interact with them socially, I don’t think that I treat gay guys any differently. I enjoy peoples company and have friends who are gay who sometimes mistake our friendship as a sign that I may welcome their advances. I just make it clear that we are just friends, just as many women have told me.
If a conversations starts getting too explicit about sexual interactions that I don’t care for I just change the conversation or move on to someone else. Most people get the drift.
I’m going to modify Velocity’s view a bit as it pertains to -ME- and others I know, but I wanted to quote his piece so I can say where I see similarities and differences. First, I think it’s going to be very different based on age. I’m just shy of 50, meaning my formative years are the 80s and early 90s. A time where homosexuality wasn’t a dark secret, barely spoken of, BUT was treated as an endless source of (hurtful in 20/20 hindsight) jokes, tropes, and scapegoating.
While I’m successful in rationally approaching homosexuals of my own sex (male), do I have to admit that somewhere in my cultural conditioning that my “instinctive” first reaction is “Different! Keep my distance?” Yes, although I’m in no way proud of it. And it’s that first kneejerk reaction, which is very quickly beaten down by the rational mind.
So yeah, conditionally true for me, in that first .1 of a second, and then it’s on to what other posters have mentioned: far more concerned about your politics, rationality, shared interests, and everything else.
But back to age, as grudging acceptance gives way socially, culturally and politically to a more honest “people are people, who cares about their bits and what they do with them” the cultural conditioning is going to be different for younger folks.
Sorry to hear those three “friends” were too bigoted or insecure or whatever to stick by you, gman.
On the bright side, if they get smacked with the clue stick later on and realize what jerks they were being, they may reach out to try to revive the friendship. And if they don’t, that confirms that they’re too bigoted or insecure or whatever to waste your time on.
I know it’s not much comfort in the short term while you’re missing your friends, but there will be new and better ones too.
I’m a traditional “straight guy.” Not sure how that’s going to help you, though.
I care about as much as I care what your favorite flavor of ice cream is. I don’t dwell on it even 1% as much as you seem to do.
My thoughts on this is a person loves who they love. I can understand what it means to love someone, and I can understand what it means for a person if that love is somehow denied or blocked by society, and that is enough for me to just accept it when someone loves another. I don’t need to understand why or how love works To this I extend to who one is attraction to. Mechanically I don’t need to know, nor do you need to know mine.
How it happens? My main thought is for the person it doesn’t matter how so much as it just is what it is at that point, though I am curious (as they may be) as to how and if nature vs nurture. My own guess is it’s some early childhood thing with perhaps some genetic predisposition. But I realize it’s just a guess to try to make some sense of our non-sensical world.