What do you do at a bad movie?

I sit and watch it, doggone it. I paid for it!

When me and a sorta-girlfriend went to see Magnolia, she started masturbating when she got bored. That was somewhat distracting.

Never been to a movie I didn’t expect to enjoy, at least on some level. My SO’s and I would only attend movies we both wanted to see. When there were none, we’d rent a movie.

Give Baby Boy a chance. I liked it, and found the performances convincing across the board.

I talked fairly loudly throughout ARMAGEDDON, i simply could not help it.
I was quiet during DOGMA though.

Well, if it’s a good bad movie, I laugh. I’ve gotten into a lot of trouble for that, too - I find action movies particularly funny, for some reason.

If it’s just a bad movie, I:[ul][li]Go into mindless trance state[/li][li]Start counting things. Number of times a character says something specific, number of product placements, number of shots with the main character crouching, whatever.[/li][li]Go to the bathroom. Wander around in bathroom. Wash hands. Twice.[/li][li]Go to the concessions stand. Gaze at product selection and prices. Wonder if there’s anything I want to buy. Realize there isn’t. Spend a little more time gazing, just to be sure.[/li][li]Ask theater employees what time movie will be over. Stare at watch and perform mental calculations. And, likely, gasp in horror.[/li][/ul]But bear in mind here that I’m easily amused at the movies, and I pre-select pretty well; there’ve only been a few movies where I’ve had to do these things, and only one movie where I had to do the last two. That movie was - Titanic. God, it went on forever. I’d do everything listed above, return to the theater, and they’d still be running through water up to their knees.

For a while there, I was the only person on the planet who hated that movie. Even the LO, with her usually reliable taste, liked it. (Though, to make all possible allowances, she’s a sucker for period costumes.) And now everyone seems to hate it. Huh.

One other movie where I spent far too much time looking at my (glow in the dark numbers and hands) watch: Eyes Wide Shut. Not because it was bad, necessarily (although I did think they could’ve replaced Tom Cruise with a cardboard cutout in most of his scenes - in fact, I think they did), but because I completely lost my sense of time. I thought the movie’d been going about 15 minutes because we were still in exposition, and the LO poked me and whispered “We’ve been in here an hour and a half!” She was right. Weird.

I usually start fantasizing about better movies.

Occasionally I just resort to napping. Nice dark environment. Cool air. What could be better? :slight_smile:

Well you could put a few beers in a knapsack. The worst that could happen is you get thrown out, which is what you wanted anyway.

Or…recently, I was watching a really tedious movie, I excused myself to go to the bathroom, wandered out into the parking lot and then over to the pond next to it and spent a half an hour watching a nest of baby Canada Geese. They where adorable. By the time I got back the movie had picked up. And after all it would be terrible rude for your movie companion to ask you what you were doing so long in the bathroom…

I always start looking for mistakes. Hey, that cave woman has pierced ears! That coke can just turned around all by itself. Where is the shoe she just threw on the bed? His shirt changed shades of green.

That sort of thing.

First off, it was Mickey Rourke who had the bag of hot buttered Orville Penispopper, not Kevin Bacon.

And what I do at a bad movie depends on whether I’m there alone or with friends, and how crowded the theater is. If I’m alone, I simply slouch down, cross my arms, and go stone-faced. If I’m with somebody, and the theater is mostly empty, I make fun of it mercilessly (the best of these was Congo – I still laugh at what we came up with). If it’s crowded, I’ll just exchange looks with my compatriot(s), complete with shaking heads, waggled eyebrows, etc.

And FWIW, I have never, ever walked out on a movie in the cinema. Fast-forwarded through a few at home, and gave up on one or two, but I’ve never walked out on one.

I mentally rewrite scenes to make them better. In particularly noxious cases, I revamp the whole plot and recast the movie.

Y’know, just in case I wake up tomorrow and find that I’m actually the screenwriter or director, who has just had a prophetic dream.

Oops! So it was. Kevin tipped over his car and smeared his face with ketchup.

Why not? It’s your dime. Since you’ve already spent the money no matter what you do, which one is a waste: being bored in a dark room for an hour and a half (sounds like a “time out” to me) or leaving the theatre to do something worthwhile?

I’ve walked out on plenty of movies (and I’m always careful to be quiet in case somebody is enjoying it). And here’s a trick: if you leave early enough - say within half an hour - you can often get your money back.

Well,

Since 1. Baby Boy can probably be included in the “african-american film” genre and 2. there will likely be a proliferation of african-americans in the theater, I suggest you just listen to the people yelling at the screen. Nine times out of ten the things you hear in a theater full of black people is way more entertaining than the movie itself.

(I can say that cuz I’m black)

::thinks of Mr. Garrison’s song in the infamous “Shit” episode of South Park::

It’s not what I do at bad movies, it’s what I do to them that is really sick…

During that “Crounching Tiger Creeping Whatever” fiasco, I sent and received a bunch of emails. I would’ve made a few calls too, but my wife put her foot down.

I bring a book, and if the movie’s bad, I go sit in the lobby and read. I realize this doesn’t really impress a date, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Depending on the theater, sometimes you can pick a seat close to an exit area, and read by the illumination from the exit lights. I’ve been thinking of learning Braille for the sole purpose of reading in the dark.

Like Balance, I try to rewrite the movie. Not in any sweeping way, more in an annoyed, nitpicky fashion, trying to come up with ways that a different line delivery or reaction shot or different edit would save a joke that fell flat, for example.

I also spend a lot of time wondering how bad movies get made, why no one insists on changes, or is it just me, is there actually a market for this, or did the director and producers actually convince themselves it was a good movie, blah blah blah. I also ponder whether I’d like the movie more if I were in a different mood, or if I had a livelier crowd in the theatre with me. That makes a surprising difference, I’ve found.

I sit and suffer through them usually. I’ve only walked out of two movies. Bram Stoker’s Dracula was the first, and Inspector Gadget was the second.

Ah, I’m glad to hear mostly sane responses in this thread. My experience is that most people, when not enthralled by the movie try to ruin it for anybody else (sometimes this is ok, but very rarely).

I don’t care what you do, just keep it quiet and don’t get any on me.

The only movie I’ve ever walked out on was Unnecessary Roughness and I would have stayed for that but my girlfriend refused.

When I am in a horrible movie (most recently, Sexy Beast; I’m sorry, Ben Kinglsey was great but it wasn’t a good movie) I just fall into a trance and think about the time where they’ve finished shooting, are looking at their film and, rather than embezzling the remaining production budget and hiding from the distributor on some small Micronesian island, they decide to go ahead with the project and steal thousands of man-hours from the viewers lives. I let that rage fester until I can barely contain it, scar the finish on the armrests with my fingernails and, upon completion of the movie, go shoot a random stranger in the lobby.

That always makes me feel better.

I forgot one. I compose scathing reviews in my head. I start with a sarcastic plot summary, move on to comparisons, and finish up with commentary. If the movie’s really bad, I can spend a lot of time on commentary, searching for just the perfect phrase - the one that would, if published, reduce everyone involved in the movie, right down to the account, to tears. Of course, I usually don’t find it, but I have a lot of fun trying.

And it’s so cleansing somehow.

I’ve never walked out on a movie either, although God knows I’ve been tempted to (Godzilla leaps to mind all to easily here), but I haven’t because I want to save that for a really despicable movie. Not a movie that’s merely bad, but a movie that is poorly made, poorly acted, poorly written, and has absolutely no redeeming features whatsoever. Although I haven’t seen it, I strongly suspect I would have walked out of Freddy Got Fingered, based upon what I’ve heard.

I have stopped watching a movie on video, though. I remember simply leaving the room in disgust when we were watching a rental of Weekend at Bernie’s II. Absolutely useless movie, and I could only tolerate the first fifteen mintues.

I will walk out on a movie, given the right combination of putresences. Doesn’t matter if I paid for it, doesn’t matter if I’m not getting my money back. Life is short, and I’m not going to have my time wasted by a reprehensible piece of crap.

So why did I sit through stuff like Godzilla and Armageddon once? Mainly because of the “automobile wreck” theory…you’ll slow down to gawk at a car wreck by the side of the highway, won’t ya? C’mon, I know you will! Somebody’s starting the traffic jam, for crying out loud!

What I do when I know I’m watching a bad movie at the theater or on video instead is to simply mentally catalogue all the ways that it is bad. That way if I ever hear a person praise said film within earshot, I can explain to them the errors of their ways with evidence. I have done this to people for Armageddon, Godzilla, The English Patient, and Stargate.

What I don’t do is make a lot of racket while watching a bad movie. No loud groans, snickers, or guffaws at the stupidities of it all. I’m ready to consider the possiblity that somebody else near me may actually be enjoying the blasted thing, and since I always resent it when someone near me is too noisy, I can’t imagine aggravating another moviegoer in the same way.

I find that bad movies are a great experience. First off, once I’ve gotten over that sinking “Oh, god, it’s gonna be another one of those” feeling, I start analyzing it. Why is it bad? What aspects of the film are actually redeemable? Lighting? Cinematography? Makeup? What parts of it suck?

The worst movies are my best encouragement to finish the damned screenplay, already.