Freeze-dried instant underpants-just add water.
Most “as seen on TV!” gadgets are fairly well useless, or only useful in a very narrow situation.
The one that comes to mind as almost entirely pointless is a device a friend’s mother had back in the late 70s or early 80s. It was a gizmo that consisted of a pedestal with a button, and on top there was a curved needle that would spin when you pressed the button.
The use of this amazing piece of technology was to impale an egg on the needle, and press the button so you could just crack a scrambled egg into the pan. Never did figure out what the point was- you might save washing one dish versus cracking them into a bowl and scrambling them, if you were going to use them for scrambled eggs. Most other applications that call for beaten eggs wouldn’t really be improved by using that gizmo.
With the banana slicer, cleanup’s a breeze!
You lap up cats?
What if it’s a right curve banana but you only have a left-handed knife?
Fuckin’ car fobs. Hate the goddamned things. What was once a near-weightless strip of metal which cost $2.99 to copy and replace has become a 5-ounce bulky piece of shit which runs out of power and costs $129-$299.
Even better, car fobs introduce the following questions/problems:
- What do I do with my keys now that I’m in the car?
- How far can I drive away from my wife given I have the car and the key is still in her purse?
- I have $150 burning a hole in my pocket - what can I use it on to buy a needed, albeit overpriced, duplicate of?
- Why is my damned key chain now so bulky?
- What was wrong with the other system?
Forget about cell phones, banana slicers and microwavable egg boilers. The mist useless invention of the last 50 years was a drug designed to cure Restless Leg Syndrome. Here was an ailment no one knew existed, a drug whose potential side effects far exceed the severity of the original problem, and which doesn’t actually “cure” the problem, just suppress it.
This is why American medicine is the best in the world?
**Car alarms. **
I doubt very much that anyone has ever heard one and thought, “Oh no - someone’s car is being stolen!” Rather, it’s, “What dipshit has his alarm going off?”
**Touch screens in cars. **
I used to be able to switch radio stations by reaching over and touching a button by feel. But now I have to LOOK AWAY FROM THE ROAD TO SEE WHERE TO TOUCH.
“Better to have damp undies than no undies at all”
Really?
I give you…The Electric Kazoo!
Thanks for this one. I really hate touch screens in cars.
Backup cameras are good, though.
Have we had a poll on this topic? For me, I mostly text and listen to audiobooks.
I remember a gadget that would turn a peeled, hard-boiled egg into a square egg. It was square plastic cylinder with a screw. You put in the boiled egg, carefully screwed it down, then put it in the refrigerator for X hours until the egg set. If you needed more than one square egg, you’d need multiple gadgets or a lot of time.
And the eggs didn’t stay completely square for very long once released.
Bottled water was in this category in the 80’s when I was growing up.
I give you bottled DIET water.
I give you the Potty Putter.
The WWW. Stupid Tim Berners-Lee. The internet should be really difficult to use; perhaps as hard as flying a commercial airliner. The web gave us AOL which led to garbage like Facebook and Twitter (which led to you-know-who.) It’s a fucking disaster. Why should most people have a voice? Most people are idiots.
Two (sort of) serious answers:
- The Juicero: a multihundred dollar ‘juicer’ that actually just dispensed juice from bags of … juice. Turns out you got more out of the bags by hand than by machine.
But IMHO the winner in the ‘most investment to develop and most hype that turned out to have no real use’ category is the… drum roll… Segway.
It’s actually an amazing and marvelous work of engineering, but it’s use case is people who need to go a mile or two and can’t walk it, but can stand upright and balance for the time it takes to go a mile or two at basically brisk walking speed. It’s too slow to go more than a couple miles at a time (get a bicycle or car for that), and takes too much physical effort and skill for a wheelchair user and many/most cane and crutches users. And not much faster than just walking anyway. Plus it’s too big and clumsy to mix well with walkers on sidewalks or in hallways and offices.
I still have a cell phone signal booster. I’m pretty sure it’s useless, but I went through so much trouble putting it up.
Yep.
I read that the major deterrent factor in car alarms is the thieves don’t know if that .1 person who actually would call the cops i or the 99.9 percent that wouldn’t …… is in the parking lot
My family has a thing for gag gifts and a few department stores have whole sections for the "as seen on tv things " So for one x mas I received a “rotato” Ron popiels idea for a easier potato peeler …. its a up right can opener pretty much ……….