Hugs, (((Dracona))) I’m so sorry you’re suffering this, dear. Hopefully by being able to talk about it openly and getting support from us, it can help you ease the burden some.
I almost didn’t reply to the challenge to explain the process I went through, for similar reasons as Dracona said, although the relaively mild severity of my rape memories pales in comparison to the horrors that she suffered. I did not want to dredge up too much painful stuff and run through it here again in an environment (GQ) where the usual intellectual stance is “Oh yeah? :dubious: Cite? I call bullshit.” This stance is very helpful when demolishing the politically-induced pseudoscience of the Bush administration, but very unhelpful when traumatized individuals are struggling to make sense of what has happened to them.
In fairness to Mangetout, he didn’t give me an aggressively skeptical attitude, more of a neutral skepticism, but it was still hard for me to respond to it, because this is my intimate personal history and it still hurts. After reading lexi’s explanation, I felt I had the space in which to discuss it openly, so big thanks to lexi. Thanks to dracona too for taking us into your confidence. Like I said, it was right here at the SDMB that I found enough support to deal with it for the first time. Now in my forties a whole lot of stuff I’d represssed all my life is all coming out at once… Yeah, it can make me difficult to deal with… but I appreciate the understanding shown by other Dopers here.