What happens if married parents disagree over the name of their newborn child?

[Little_Lioness]

I was the first in my family with my last name, because my parents’ name changes weren’t signed until a few days after I was born. I’m certain that my mother filled out the birth certificate papers correctly (she’s that type of person). However, someone at the hospital re-did the form and put my father’s old last name as mine on the first copy of my birth certificate. My parents had that birth certificate destroyed and a new original birth certificate issued without too much effort.

Of course the mother should name the baby whatever she chooses. She gave birth to it, will almost certainly do more than half of the work of raising it, and will probably have custody if there’s a divorce. Anyway, almost all women give their children the father’s last name :rolleyes: , so they should at least get to choose the first and middle names, though the father should be free to suggest names. I’ve heard that in England, the law is that the mother is the final authority on the baby’s name, but I don’t have a cite for that.

[rfgdxm]

@rocking chair

in my family i have an aunt who left home in the arms of her father to be baptised. when he brought her home her name had changed. she left home a maria and returned a melania. my grandmother never called her by the new name and only called her daughter. my grandparents ended up separated.

it is not a good idea for a spouse to go their own way.

Had they discussed naming the baby beforehand?

[rfgdxm]

@Little Lioness

Of course the mother should name the baby whatever she chooses. She gave birth to it, will almost certainly do more than half of the work of raising it, and will probably have custody if there’s a divorce. Anyway, almost all women give their children the father’s last name :rolleyes: , so they should at least get to choose the first and middle names, though the father should be free to suggest names. I’ve heard that in England, the law is that the mother is the final authority on the baby’s name, but I don’t have a cite for that.

For the vast majority of the world, if push came to shove it would be the husband who had the final say. However, I’d suspect that in almost all cases a mutually agreeable name would be decided on. Unless there is some culture out there where the norms are such this responsibility is specifically always left to either the father or the mother.

[BrotherCadfael]

My daddy left home when I was three,
And he didn’t leave much to Ma and me…
Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.
Now, I don’t blame him cause he run and hid,
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me ‘Sue’.

[Maastricht]

@Aesiron

As EJsGirl said, the birth certificates give both names of the parents in cases such as these <snip>

Makes sense. American genealogy wouln’t go back longer then two or three hundred years, so the birth certificates with the parent’s names would still be around.
Most European geneology (but I’don’t know much about it) that goes back longer then three hundred years, relies on documents (besides marriage-records) which don’t list parents names, such as deeds, buys, sales, gifts. Unchanged last names are then vital for finding ancestors.

[rocking_chair]

my aunt was a maria for nigh on 40 days before she was baptised. i’m figuring that grandfather didn’t have anything against it. for some reason her birth certificate was never filed. she was the only one of four children born in the hospital. the other three were born at home with a midwife and had no problem with birth certificates. the baptism cert. was my aunt’s proof of age.

family legend has it (both grand parents have passed and my aunt is the oldest.) that a godparent may have forced the name change. apparently grandfather didn’t think it mattered and went along with it. grandmother did though and next daughter she tried maria again. that time it stuck.

i was amazed when my mum told me that my grandmother didn’t insist on waiting until she could accompany him to baptisms after that. you can bet i wouldn’t let my husband take my child alone to be baptised after that. it seems he would take the kids to the church just before she would be able to attend. orthodox thing with churching and women’s church attendance after childbirth.

[rfgdxm]

@rocking chair

my aunt was a maria for nigh on 40 days before she was baptised. i’m figuring that grandfather didn’t have anything against it. for some reason her birth certificate was never filed. she was the only one of four children born in the hospital. the other three were born at home with a midwife and had no problem with birth certificates. the baptism cert. was my aunt’s proof of age.

family legend has it (both grand parents have passed and my aunt is the oldest.) that a godparent may have forced the name change. apparently grandfather didn’t think it mattered and went along with it. grandmother did though and next daughter she tried maria again. that time it stuck.

i was amazed when my mum told me that my grandmother didn’t insist on waiting until she could accompany him to baptisms after that. you can bet i wouldn’t let my husband take my child alone to be baptised after that. it seems he would take the kids to the church just before she would be able to attend. orthodox thing with churching and women’s church attendance after childbirth.

What culture are you from? With some cultures I am aware of, I can see a godparent being able to have strong influence. Godparents are considered important. Particularly if they are financially well off, or have connections with people who are powerful. Having such godparents can bode well for the future of the child.

What I don’t understand is why your grandmother insisted on calling this child just “daughter”, instead of “Melania”? This is just hurting the kid for an action of their father while young that was out of their control. What your grandmother should have done after that is just always call her husband “asshole”.

[ouryL]

@Maastricht

In the Netherlands, the birth certificate has to be signed at City Hall within a few days after the birth, so usually the father does the job, while the mother is still recovering.

The birth certificate is final, spelling errors and everything included, so the father is the one who, for all practical purposes, decides. In my case, we’re talking 1967, my father gave my given name as Carlein, while my mother had insisted on Carlijn. IIRC, they have had quite a row over it, but done is done.
To change it I would have to go through an official legal namechange, and no-one thought that was worth the hassle. .

Also of interest to the OP might be the fact that in the Netherlands, in the last 10 years, both parents get to choose not only the given name, but also the surname. They can choose freely between the mothers surname and the fathers surname.

In Hawaii, when you marry, you can choose any middle and lastname you and your spouse want - neither name needs to be the same. You keep your first name. When you are born, however, your parents and choose *any * name for you.

[WhyNot]

@Pochacco

Not easily. A friend of my wife’s and her husband did this. They wanted their children to share a last name different than either one of theirs.

(Why they wanted this is complicated. It partially involved reviving an old family name that had died out.)

I’m not sure of all the hoops they had to jump through, but it was more involved than just filling out the form at the hospital and involved at least one appearance before a judge.

This was in Tennessee. Rules may vary from state to state.

In Illinois, it is simply as easy as filling out the birth certificate with the names you choose. At least two of my hippie friends gave their children abominable names with last names pulled from their posteriors.

[MissTake]

Dealing with paternity, birth certificates, and odd naming systems day in and day out, here’s my experience in Minnesota-
If the parties are not married a birth certificate means little of nothing. A paternity order or a Recognition of Parentage is what legally names a father. So if a father doesn’t sign a birth certificate it’s not a big deal. Also, birth certificates can always be modified whether it be to change the child’s name or add a fathers name.
A Recognition of Parentage is done in the hospital also, usually at least a day after the baby is born (and mom is more lucid?). If the parties have only done a BC in the hospital, a ROP can be done at a later date. I’ve seen cases where the child is 4 and the parents have just signed the ROP. Both parties must sign the ROP.
If the parties are married a birth certificate is more important, as paternity is assumed. If a married mother does not list her husband’s name on the BC, he is still presumed the father. She could write the father being Ben Affleck, doesn’t matter.

There’s the legalities of that stuff. A bit off topic, I know.

When LilMiss was named, her dad was not in the room. We had somewhat agreed on a name, but I got to say what I wanted on her BC. If Emo disagreed, we could’ve changed her name on the ROP (no, we weren’t married) and followed through with changing the BC later. Or, when we went to court to legally set paternity we could’ve asked the court to change her name, again following it up with amending the BC. I see this often with surnames. Once John Doe has been proven to be the father, Minnie Anderson becomes Minnie Doe if the parents so choose.

If Emo and I were married we wouldve just had to amend the BC to reflect a name change for LilMiss. I do not know if there is a time frame for this, but of a child’s name is particularly horrendous s/he can always change it as an adult.

Technically, my last name is not correct. My dad’s BC name and SSN name are slightly different what he has always used. He has always worked, got married, used financial institutions with the “wrong” last name and no one has ever bothered him about it. (My grandfather, feeling a twinge of nostalgia, gave my dad and his younger brother the original German surname, not the Americanized surname the rest of the siblings had).

Also (and this is it, I swear), when people get married they can change surnames if they so choose. I’ve known a few people who left the church with surnames that have no relation to the names they entered with. You can also change your surname to whatever you want when divorcing.

[rocking_chair]

rfgxm, that last bit did crack me up! i’m sure my grandmother had quite a few secret names for my grandfather… i did mention they separated. grandfather came from what is now the ukraine, it was hungrian austrian empire then; the wonderland that was galicia. grandmother was russian.

i think she just refused to use a name that was not her choosing and the ukrainian version (melania is the russian version). russian for daughter is dounya and not to bad a name, considering the english version of the ukrainian version that she ended up with. i’d rather be called dounya than melvinka or melva.