Here was the short account of the incident I posted at the time:
Last night, while laying in bed, I get a knock on my door. It’s my roommate telling me the police were at my door, and that they had hit my car. THE FUCKING POLICE HIT MY CAR! I go outside and see that my back fender, the same place the drunk driver hit me, had been partially torn off, and dented to shit. The officer tells me his supervisor will be there shortly. Then he starts talking on his radio. No explanation, no apology, just that my car is damaged. He asks me if I want to fill out a report . Like I was really going to just let you fuck up my car, and leave.
The supervisor arrives and they go off to discuss the situation while another officer takes my info. As I hand him my stuff, I ask if him if that’s all he needs. He tells me, “[I’m] in his light”. The fact that this fucking asshole has the ball to say that after he hit my car is mind boggling. I’m sure he has a flashlight he could use. The supervision finishes meeting with the other cops. There are about 6 of them there, which indicates to me that deciding how to cover their ass is more important to them than actually investigating crimes. This is Washington DC, former murder capital of the USA, and they afford to call six cops to the scene to investigate how to resolve a car accident? The ranking cop comes over and starts questioning me.
Main Cop: Why are you parked here?
Me: On the street? (utterly confused)
MC: Yeah, you are too close to this alley, how are garbage trucks gonna get past you. How do you expect cars to pass you?
Aside: First, I was parked roughly 2 feet from the “entrance” of the alley, which really isn’t an entrance because of what I mention in the next paragraph.
Me: The isn’t an alley. There is clearly a “DO NOT ENTER” sign there, so no garbage trucks or vehicles would need to pass by. Not to mention that I am not blocking the alley, nor is there any sign, like there is near the alley farther up the street, that restricts parking near this particular alley.
MC: Signs!?!, this is an emergency vehicle. We can do what we want, we don’t have to follow signs. [Some of the other cops began cackling at this point]. You shouldn’t be parked here.
[He then turns around and starts looking over the police report.]
I was parked next to the entrance of what was formally an accessible alleyway. It is no longer accessible because a condo was built there, making it a dead end. Accordingly, a large “DO NOT ENTER” sign was placed near the entrance.
So there I am sitting on my neighbor’s stoop, next to the alley, while the cop who hit me is leaning on his patrol car with a shit-eating grin on his face. The ranking cop comes over to me and gives me a ticket for parking too close to an alley.
MC: This is a citation for parking too close to the alleyway. You shouldn’t have done that. As such, this violation indicates contributory negligence with regard to the accident. Doesn’t mean you are 100% responsible, but some of this mess is your fault. [walks away]
[I go up to the two cops who hit my car]
Me: I can’t believe you guys are actually giving me a ticket when you hit my car.
Bike Cop: We have to. It was partly your fault. Besides, I mean, if you want to be honest about it we could have given you other citations. You are parked on a hill [I AM NOT PARKED ON A HILL], you technically should have you wheels turned toward the curb. That’s a $25 fine right there. Also, you said you live in DC and you have NJ tags, you should have registered your car here. That a $75 fine there too.
Me: So I should be thankful that you only gave me one ticket.
Shit-eating grin cop: I ain’t saying you should be kissing our ass or anything, but if we wanted to be jerks about it, it could be a lot worse for you.
I haven’t been that mad in a long time. I just turned around and walked away as they were laughing and muttering things under their breath. It’s gonna be a long time before I trust the DC cops again, seeing as there’s a few of them that probably have it out for me. Just remember this story if I end up shot 41 times on my front porch with crack sprinkled all over my body.